Kimberly Fray

choice, select, decide-2692575.jpg

BEING INTENTIONAL

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE INTENTIONAL?

When I searched the meaning of the word ‘intentional,’ I found the following definition;
‘done on purpose’ or ‘deliberate.’
The word ‘purpose’ means ‘the reason for doing something.’
So overall, the word intentional means there is a specific reason you do what you do. There is a particular outcome you desire, something you want to see or achieve through your actions, thoughts, and words daily.
I’ve been thinking of my intentions lately, why I do what I do every day, even the simple or mundane things. Why do I clean our home, do laundry, binge-watch series, or eat certain things? Then I realised that some of the everyday things I do sometimes don’t have any purpose. Sometimes, I do it because it’s my excuse not to do what I’m supposed to be doing, for example, watching a series when I should be working on my novel. Those things are not intentional; they are easy. I do it because I am programmed to do it through years of doing the same thing every day.
When I write or share something on my blog or podcast, I don’t just do it because I am programmed to do it. I do it to inspire and motivate others or to share a relatable part of my life so that others might feel seen or heard and less alone. That is the purpose, the intention of my writing.

QUESTIONS ABOUT MY INTENTIONS

Then I asked myself how many things I do that are intentional or have a purpose. The answer was few, which made me sad and a little bit angry at myself.
I want to go through life with a purpose and a clear direction for my life. I want my life to mean something. I want my work to mean something. At the end of my life, I want to know that I have fulfilled what God put me here to do. I want to be more intentional about my thoughts, actions, and words, whether written or spoken. I want it to bring life to others.

HOW TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL

The question then came to me: What can I do or what should I do if I want to be more intentional? It’s certainly not easy because being intentional requires doing the work. It takes renewing your mind and changing old habits into new habits. However, it is not impossible.
For one, whenever you experience a negative thought creeping into your mind, you stop before it overtakes you and switch to the more upbeat, life-giving alternative. Give your thoughts purpose. When you want to watch a third consecutive episode of the current series you’re watching, stop and ask yourself, is there a reason for this? Will this help me fulfill my purpose? What can I do instead?
Write, create art, call a friend or family member and check in, go for a walk and clear your mind, pray, or read. Simple things like that can awaken a part of you that you thought had died long ago.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. When Ruth went out to work in the fields, Naomi realised that the land belonged to Boaz. Later in the story, Naomi instructs Ruth to go to the threshing floor so that she may find a husband and a new home. There was purpose in Naomi’s actions, and there was intention. Eventually, that filtered down through the rest of history.

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YOU STILL HAVE A PURPOSE

I’d like to believe that when we wake in the morning, God still has a purpose for our lives, which means we have no choice but to be intentional about who we are and what we do. God himself was intentional when He created us. Knowing that should give us enthusiasm for the day ahead and excitement to fulfill that purpose. It should make us curious about what life offers so that when we lay our heads down at night, exhausted but fulfilled, we know we have completed what God has called us to do.
Every single day we have on this earth is a gift. We don’t get the same day twice, and time moves swiftly.
Let’s be intentional about how we use the time we have.

adult, mother, daughter

SWEET GIRL

Sweet girl,

You will have your heart broken.

It is unavoidable. It is part of life.

It will feel like your world collapses and you cannot stop it.

It will feel as if the sun disappeared and the stars vanished.

Everything will lose its colour, and food will no longer be appetizing.

Music will be your only comfort, and melancholy will blanket you.

You will feel pain so palpable that you never thought possible. 

You will cry rivers of sadness that will be unstoppable, breaking against the tides of your childhood dreams.

I look at your sweet face and dread the day it happens.

But,

I also welcome that day.

Because that will be your day of recognition, and it will be the day you are tested.

Your willpower and resilience will show, and you will discover your strength. 

You will learn to rebuild all you have lost and what has been taken from you.

My darling,

Your first heartbreak will be the first day of the rest of your life.

Do not be afraid, my love.

Be brave and be strong.

And always forgive.

Not just them,

But yourself.

I am writing you this to prepare you, but the truth is no preparation could ever make you ready for the day it happens.

When it does happen, mourn for what you lost,

But come back and try again.

For love is a beautiful experience,

And deserves a second chance,

And a third,

And a fourth.

Do not fear love.

Please do not shy away from it.

Do not curse love.

Do not take advantage of love.

And always remember;

To guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

women, friends, support-7808776.jpg

THIS WOMAN

Yesterday I met a woman.

This woman was me in many ways, except for the reasons she wasn’t.

She was a woman who had to survive many painful obstacles; prostitution, abandonment, unemployment, living on the streets, and many other social ills.

Our struggles differ, but our desire to overcome them is the same. 

I saw something in her: a stranger I have never met before and will probably never meet again.

I saw a fighting spirit.

Things I thought I had lost in myself, but her yellow-stained eyes reflected it when I looked at her.

This woman stood before me with joy, a smile, and hope in her heart.

Like many others, she had to sacrifice a part of herself to get through life and reach this point, where she stood in front of me with a smile so broad I couldn’t help but smile too.

She speaks about the life she used to live without shame and her life now with pride. She embraces every challenge she has endured to get to where she is today.

We don’t share the same skin colour or the same mother tongue. 

We don’t have the same economic standing or have the same employment status.

We don’t enjoy the same opportunities or possibilities nor are we the same age or grew up the same way.

But it is precisely those differences that make us the same. 

The spirit of a warrior woman, one who doesn’t give up.

One who doesn’t have much but still gives.

Someone who doesn’t know it all but continues to learn.

This woman that I met yesterday;

A mother

A sister

A wife

A friend

A loved one. 

This woman is me.

This woman is you.

She is all of us.

This post was orginally written and published in June 2018

Poem, Jesus, love, joy

JESUS, MY SAVIOUR

Broken, beaten, and bruised,
Alienated, ashamed, and forgotten,
I found myself on my knees,
No beauty, no prettiness,
Crushed by fear too heavy to bear.

Then you reached out your hand,
Your garment, my lifeline,
Thirsty, you quenched me with living waters,
Bruised, you touched me, and I was healed.

Hopeless and heartbroken,
You opened the floodgates,
Washing me clean,
Because of you, Jesus, I am saved.

Faithful God,
God of Mercy,
Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
God of grace, righteousness, joy, and love

You are the centre of my joy,
My life, my anchor, my compass,
Your presence is holy,
I cry out to you in the heavenly language,
I praise you with all that I am,
I give you all that I have.

In my troubled season,
When it seems I’m surrounded,
Jesus, you make a way,
God’s promises prevail, and He sets me free.

The world may enslave me,
But Jesus Christ is my Saviour!

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKES

We are conditioned to believe we must be punished when we make a mistake.

When we instead should have been taught that when we are wrong or make a mistake,

we should be corrected and guided in love.

Punishment is what you get when you are wrong, and that causes fear.

You experience that lump in your throat or stomach because you fear what will happen to you.

We don’t fear making mistakes when we are guided and corrected in love, compassion, and understanding.

We see it as an opportunity to learn,

and when you learn from your mistakes, you grow from your mistakes.

snakes and ladders, life, life lessons

A GAME OF SNAKES AND LADDERS

Sometimes you get to climb the top really quickly and other times, you get eaten by snakes.

This is a lesson I was trying to teach my daughter one night. I invited her to play a game of Snakes and Ladders with me. It was her very first time. She was five years old at the time and extremely intelligent for her age and also emotionally sensitive. When she started realising that the game wasn’t as easy as it looks, she didn’t enjoy it at first. She didn’t like losing. In fact, she took it so hard, that she started crying the moment she realised that I was winning the game. I explained to her that the point of the game is to go through challenges and I told her that, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I tried to make her understand that its okay to lose sometimes.

She wanted to stop playing and told me that she is the worst player ever and that I am better than her. Then she started listing a whole bunch of other things that she believed she was bad at.

What I told her is that the game is all about learning, much like the life we live. You have to keep playing the game and should never give up. That’s how you see if you’re good at the game. That’s how you see if you can win.

I explained to her that she should at least try to make it to the top and see if she can do it. It took some time and some convincing but eventually it worked. We continued to play the game and she kept asking me, “Mommy am I almost at the top?” and I told her not to worry about what’s at the top but to instead focus on where she is. I told her something many of us have heard a million times; focus on the journey and not the destination.

She felt better, even on the turns when she got swallowed up by snakes. I kept on reminding her that it is okay; just keep playing the game. I hoped that she would remember what I was telling her.

At the end of the game, she won and in a way, so did I because I taught my daughter and myself a valuable lesson;

Keep playing the game and never give up!

Sunrise, morning, reflections

MORNING REFLECTIONS – DISTRACTIONS VS PROGRESS

I was thinking about distractions this morning. We woke up to start our day, and there were elements of distractions that cut into our routine. I woke up less than excited; I couldn’t find my shoes when it was time for our walk, my husband couldn’t find his book when it was reading time, and so forth. I felt disorganized and disorientated, and it irritated me a little.
The morning routine was less perfect than the day before, but we still completed it.
So many times, we strive for perfection when we should take note of the progress. We think or believe things should be exactly right, and when it doesn’t happen the way we imagined it, we become discouraged, and most times, we tend to give up when we are so close to the finish line.
It’s all about progress – small acts you do every day that make you better, stronger, and wiser than you were the day before.
When we pray, we tell God exactly what we want, to the last detail, and forget that He can and will probably provide us with something more significant, despite our ignorance.


Isaiah, 55 vs. 8-9, says:
‘Indeed, my plans are not like your plans, and my deeds are not like your deeds, for just as the sky is higher than the earth, so my deeds and my plans are superior to your plans.’

God is the only one who is perfect.
I once told my husband that sometimes our reaction to life’s events, like tragedy or a break in routine, or a small or medium-sized distraction, could completely throw us off our axes. Its as if we suddenly don’t know where we are, who we are, or what we’re supposed to do, and then we curl up in a ball and feel sorry for ourselves because things didn’t go as we planned instead of rolling with the waves and adjusting our sails to the winds.
Stop looking for perfect. There is no such thing.
Don’t take your eyes off Jesus; don’t let the winds of change or distraction throw you off your purpose. Let it make you stronger. Let us build our character and learn to be patient with ourselves. Change and growth is a continuous process,
I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite scriptures


Jeremiah 29 vs. 11
‘For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’

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MORNING REFLECTIONS -TIME

My husband and I started our new morning routine. It opened my eyes as well as my mind. The power and presence of God and the Holy Spirit were palpable for me this morning.
The morning walk felt good. The moon was still fully out, shining brightly in the sky. My nose was cold. I felt peace overcome me. I am grateful that I can live this life. Thankful that I have another opportunity to change and grow. There are so many things I want to achieve for myself and my family. Places I want to go, people I want to meet, and lives I want to change. I’m re-reading the 5AM Club by Robin Sharma, and there’s a line where the entrepreneur, a woman, decides to take steps in changing her life;

‘She promised herself she’d keep following this process instead of retreating. Her former way of existing no longer served her. It was time for a change.’

One of our greatest mistakes is thinking we have time, but we don’t. Every day without us living the life we’re meant to and fulfilling our purpose on this earth is wasted, and we don’t get that time back. I’m realizing now that our purpose is not something we do one day and then it’s done. Our purpose is small acts that we carry out every single day, consistently, passionately, and intentionally.

Some day we will look at our lives and wonder where all the time went and what we did with all the time we had. Some day is today.
Right now. You can’t fit in all you were supposed to do in the past in the time you have now. The time you have left is meant for other tasks and new pursuits.
The Word of God says there is a time for everything in Ecclesiastes 3 vs. 1-8
‘ For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. ‘

We need to be conscious of that. Tap into God’s plans for your life and start doing the work laid out for you. I say this as much to myself as I say to you, dear reader.
Time on earth is a commodity, a precious one at that. We need to be aware of the things we spend our time on. I am genuinely grateful that this is still something I have – time.

It will run out; we just don’t know when.

Submarine, Titanic, Ocean, Oceangate

SUBMARINE

I never imagined going down 13 thousand feet into the ocean,
cold and dark all around, trapped in a small space with only four other souls.
Claustrophobia and anxiety heightened.
Yet here I am, I walked right through the gate of the ocean.
Slowly running out of air, knowing each breath, I take is bringing me to my last.
Not knowing what day it is, not knowing what is happening in the world above.
Should I keep fighting? Should I preserve my energy?
Should I pray for a quick death?
Is someone coming? Are they close?
There is total blackness.
Just total blackness.
Life, death, and air are swimming around me; only one is within reach.
The faces of the others staring back at me; who will go first?
Who will be the one to consume the very last bit of oxygen?
Billions of dollars made and spent over a lifetime, only to die alone at the bottom of the ocean.
I think about this on the surface, making me realize that life must be better navigated.
What will they find when they finally reach us?
Our decomposed vessels? An empty submarine? Or nothing at all.
Our story is forever anchored to history’s most extraordinary and tragic sunken ship.

Church, Jesus, God

MY SUNDAY JESUS

I visit God on Sundays
and always wear my best
I walk into the church, humble in heart
and pray to repent for my ungodly ways
I meet my Jesus on Sundays
To shout Amen and hallelujah
and say a rushed and quiet goodbye
at the end of the service
I forget or maybe choose not to call on Jesus
the rest of the week
I’m ashamed to say I can be a once a week
check-in, kinda-girl;
and forget my God is always willing
From Sunday to Sunday
and every minute in between
My God doesn’t just visit on Sundays
but patiently waits to be invited
in every single day
And yet, I ignore the call and pretend I’m not home
as if He is an unwanted guest wanting something from me
Forgetting I can get all I need just by talking to Him
I visit God on Sundays
and walk into the church
quiet and reserved
Ashamed to say out loud,
I’ve ignored Him all week long
I sing His praises and say the right words in prayer
but most heavy on my heart
is that I forget my God is always there
From Sunday to Sunday
In the church, in my home,
and always everywhere