Marriage

husband, love, relationships

MY DEAR HUSBAND

I see you.

I see how hard you work and how tired you are. I see how you sacrifice Friday nights to go and be a good influence to young boys who aren’t your own, how you offer your time to anyone and everyone who needs it, except yourself.

I see how you laugh and smile and how you look at me when you come in for a kiss. How you play with our children, without any inhibitions and so carefree, causing loud belly laughter I can hear from the other side of the house. I see how you love to make me happy; how it brings you joy to see my own.

I see how you lay your head on my shoulder when you’ve had a long tiring day, but you don’t complain. I do it on your behalf. How you dream about our future, how passionate you become about the life you want for us. I see how you encourage me when I am down and when I am having a hard day. How you put your hands under my chin and say, “Listen to me, it’s going to be fine”

At times, I see how you look at me when I’m feeling self-conscious and how you say to me, “You’re so beautiful”.

Sometimes I can even see myself through your eyes and I must say, that makes me smile.

Husband, I see how you love people. I see your kindness, how you share, how you give. How you care for those you love and how you respect those who can’t do anything for you. I see how you love to make others happy.

How you make people laugh with your easy going but sometimes corny jokes; I see how you enjoy seeing them smile and how you continue doing it without much effort. It simply comes naturally to you.

I see you when you play your guitar, how you lift your head to the heavens with your eyes closed and how your own melodies transport you to another place. I see how happy it makes you. I see how happy it makes others to hear you play and how you know just what to say with every song.

I also see how frustrated you get sometimes; how your body at times just gives in. I see how you lay your head on your pillow and sleep immediately, sometimes peacefully, other times fitfully. I see how you shed tears, how your feelings are written on your face and even though others can’t see it, I can. I see how you sometimes sigh and squeeze the top of your nose, shake your head and smile in pure frustration or even exhaustion.

But I see how you carry on.

I see how you carry others.

I see how you love,

I see how you pray.

I see you and I love what I see.

back view photo of a woman in black sleeveless top carrying a toddler

MAMA, YOU MATTER.

You have such an important role as a wife and a mother.

Your ability to nurture, love, care and encourage is God-given.

The role of a husband and father is just as important but it’s often the wife and mother that is either heavily criticised. She is expected to fulfill all these other roles; friend, sister, businesswoman. As a woman, you are often expected to break ceilings and still be able to take care of yourself, look good, provide for your family, and do a multitude of other things.

It can get tiring. It can make you feel empty and sometimes it makes you feel as if you are not enough even when you are doing all these things.

You are the person your family depends on; your advice, your patience, your presence. Everything you do for those you care about, matters.

Don’t ever think it doesn’t.

I know you get tired and frustrated. I know at times you want to throw in the towel but your role as a woman, wife, and mother is so important, so needed and so wanted.

Your family functions because of you. They thrive because you create an atmosphere and a space for them to do so.

They draw power from you. You are a pillar of strength placed in your family by God and no one can fulfill that role better than you.

sunset, wedding, silhouettes

MARRIAGE THROUGH A LOOKING GLASS

Relationships are hard; we all know that and I’m sure sometimes it feels as if we’re failing at it. This goes for all types of relationships; family, friends, and romance, even professional relationships but this post is about love with a significant other; romantic love. If you don’t know, I am a romantic and I won’t say ‘hopeless romantic’ because I have hope in love. I believe love is one of the most if not the most powerful source of hope we have on this earth but when it comes to romantic relationships, love can hurt sometimes.

I’ve been blessed to be married to someone who teaches and challenges me every day and one thing I’ve learned in the time that we’ve been together, is that compromise is key. If you’re going to love someone, you have to love them completely and unreservedly, with all their kinks and coils. You have to choose them every single day. Being in a relationship is work, a lot of work and communication should be the foundation on which you build that relationship.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary in March.

In 2020 I asked a few couples to share their secrets with me on what makes their relationships work and although all the couples are married, I believe the advice they offer can be used by couples in any stage of their relationship but its important to take note of if you are planning on marrying the person you’re with.

I updated the number of years they were married.

EQUALITY IN MARRIAGE

ANTOINETTE AND DENNIS ERASMUS
MARRIED FOR 48 YEARS
Lives in Cape Town, South Africa.

love, marriage, relationships
Pastors Antoinette and Dennis Erasmus

From the start of our marriage, we adopted the philosophy of equality in which husband and wife are equals, submitting to each other in reference unto God who is the head of our family.
We both believe that God has given each one unique gifts for a purpose to live in harmony and to enjoy marriage. Each one’s gifts are for the benefit of the family and the community. Such a marriage creates a safe place for children to grow and develop to their full potential and again to live out their God-given gifts, and by doing so, we send them out as healthy adults.

LUCREZIA AND ALISTAIR FRAY
MARRIED FOR 36 YEARS
Lives in Midrand, South Africa.

love, marriage, relationships
My in-laws, Lucrezia and Alistair Fray

We feel the following are our most important experiences for nurturing our relationship and making our marriage work:
* Have respect for one another.
* Constantly communicate. It allows us to express our feelings
* Making time for each other eg. Have regular date nights
* Understanding that marriage is about compromise
* Being supportive of each other as marriage is an equal partnership
A simple example is comparing a marriage to a garden. If we do not water the plants and take care of it, they will most likely die. It is the same with a marriage; we need to work at it to make it a success.

MAXINE AND CLAUDE PHEIFFER
MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS
Lives in Cape Town, South Africa

love, marriage, relationships
Maxine and Claude Pheiffer

This is what works for us:
* We put God first
* Prioritise your time together
* Marriage is a partnership; it’s not a 50/50 partnership but 100% from both partners
* Have fun and take time to be silly and laugh together
* Make sure your marriage is your safe space for one another
* It also helps if you are best friends
* Make time for romance and regular date nights
* A little PDA also helps!

MARRIAGE IS SACRED

CANDICE AND PJ FLANAGAN
MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS
Lives in Midrand, South Africa

My brother and his wife, Pj and Candice Flanagan

Our advice to young couples is to remember a few very important factors for a happy marriage;

* Be committed and faithful to your partner. Marriage is sacred and magical. Don’t destroy it with infidelity.
* Love your partner unconditionally with every flaw and fault. Nothing can make them feel more special than knowing that they are loved for who they are.
* Take time to listen to each other, whether it’s problems or just them telling you what they love and hate or had a bad day or a good day.
* Compromise. Marriage is about two people, not one person. You can’t always have what you want. It works both ways. It’s not always about you.
* Make time for each other. No matter how busy you are, always spend quality time together. Go to a movie or dinner or a favourite spot you like to hang out.
* Be their strength and hero and let them know that they can count on you. People in this world will always let you down, hurt you, and disappoint you. Assure your partner that you will always be there for them, no matter what.
* Put your partner first. They are special and important and should always come first.
* Respect and trust. Treat each other with respect. Don’t degrade or say hurtful meaningless words or bring your partner down.
* Be easy to forgive and forget. If your partner does something you don’t agree with, talk about it, work things out, and move forward. Don’t dwell on the past or keep reminding them about a past mistake. You cannot move forward in your marriage (or relationship) with unforgiveness.
* Don’t compare your marriage to other couples. Every marriage (or relationship) is different, beautiful, wonderful, and special. Rather look at the strengths your marriage has and how great you are together.
There will be problems. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Don’t take the easy way out and look for an exit. Talk about your problems. Voice your opinions, likes, dislikes, and work things out.

MAKE SURE TO HAVE FUN

ROZANNE MCKENZIE AND CHRIS BISHOP
MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS
Lives in Weltevreden Park, South Africa

Rozanne McKenzie and Chris Bishop

What’s worked for us over the years is to both have similar values. Chris and I met in our 20s and we have grown together as a couple over the years. Family is so important to us, but it is also good for us as a couple to spend time together, just us. We laugh and we enjoy each other’s company but we also argue and talk things out when we don’t agree. Our relationship is a safe space where we can be open and honest.

LEARN YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE LANGUAGE

BRITTNEY AND DIDIER CHABOT
MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS
Lives in Saskatchewan, Canada

love, marriage, relationships
Brittney and Didier Chabot

After 7 years of living together we can say with certainty that the best advice we could give is as follows:
* Learn your partners love language- “ If your partner prefers words of affirmation or acts of service in lieu of gifts, you’ll not only save money but a lot of heartache over feeling unheard or unseen in your relationship. I prefer words of affirmation and he prefers acts of service. It took us a few years to figure it out but once we did, it was like a veil lifted and there was a whole new relationship under what we had previously built” -Brittney
* Give each other space to be your own person — “Do things you enjoy together, but also pursue hobbies and interests in your own time. Relationships should be the coming together of two whole people” — Brittney
* “She loves to hike and be outdoors while I much prefer to collect comics and play video games. She supports my gaming and befriended a few of my gamer buddies while I support her on her adventures by giving her the freedom to just go where her heart desires and we can both have new stories to tell each other and have downtime as individuals” — Didier
* Never stop laughing- “ Oh it drives me insane when I’m gearing up for a fight and he cracks a dumb joke or makes a silly face and I forget what I was mad about! It obviously is not that important if he can derail me with one bad dad joke” — Brittney
* Understand one another’s pasts but don’t use them against each other or use it to excuse away bad behaviours — “ His family communicated in a different way to mine and it caused a lot of friction for a few years in our own communication with one another until we both had a few discussions about what we needed and why/ how that need came to be. In doing so, we can now be empathetic towards each other and still hold one another accountable when we fall into bad patterns” — Brittney
* If you do something wrong or say something in anger, ALWAYS apologise as soon as you recognize it — “ Brittney has a quick temper and she knows it. When she gets irritable and snaps at me or aggressively folds clothes or puts away dishes, she always makes the effort to stop what she’s doing and apologise and explain why she’s frustrated or upset. Sometimes it’s because of something I did but often it’s got nothing to do with me and it helps us avoid arguments “ — Didier

MARRIAGE IS WORK

If you’ve read through all of these tips and advice from the various couples, you’ll notice there are three key things to take away here.
1) COMPROMISE
2) COMMUNICATION
3) REMEMBERING THAT A MARRIAGE OR A RELATIONSHIP IS A PARTNERSHIP

Like I’ve said in the beginning of the post, this advice can work for any couple; whether you are married or if you are planning on getting married. If you have the intention of marrying your partner, sit down and talk to them and make sure you are both on the same page. Too many hearts have been broken because of conversations that were not spoken. In March, my husband and I will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary and I’ll forever be grateful to the people who offered their advice on this post.

Matthew 19:6: So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

hope, dandelion

MY HOPE FOR YOU

I hope you fall in love with yourself. I hope you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I hope you learn to appreciate all your flaws and find the beauty in every scar, wrinkle, and folded skin.

I hope you learn to love your voice. I hope that you use it to change your world.

I hope you learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and, I hope you let go of the burden of guilt.

I hope you find love in all the different relationships in your life. 

I hope you chase your dreams and get the chance to watch them come to life.

I hope you share your stories and adventures and inspire others to do the same.

I hope you learn to be gentle with yourself and remember that bad decisions do not define you.

I hope you find the strength to fight through the bad times and come out the other side a stronger person.

I hope you remember to pray.

I hope you remember how beautiful you are.

I hope you laugh more.

I hope you play more.

I hope you find more.

I hope you always look for stars in the darkest of nights 

and know that the sun will always rise in the morning.

I hope you start believing in love again.  

Just believe it again.

I hope you can look back on the last season in your life and find the good

And I hope that you will always be grateful that you have made it this far.

I hope you know that your story is far from over and that the next blank page is waiting for you to create the life that you want.

I hope you know that you have the power to change your life and I hope you remember to never give that power away.

I hope you know that you can push boundaries and break barriers.

I hope that you know that you are never alone.

I hope that you witness great things and climb majestic mountains.

I hope that you find the courage to reach deep within yourself and do what makes you happy.

I hope you walk away from anything that no longer serves you and, I hope you walk away with your head held high.

I hope that you smile again and laugh with all the joy in your spirit. 

I hope it’s so loud that the rest of the world can’t help but laugh with you.

.

girls, women, happy

I hope you remember that saying goodbye is not always a bad thing.
I hope you know that the pain doesn’t last.
I hope you know that love is plentiful.
I hope you dance in the rain and roll in the mud.
I hope you plant seeds instead of picking flowers.
I hope you remember that having a bit of fun is good for you.
I hope you hold warm hands and kiss soft lips.
I hope you get the chance to look into loving eyes and fall asleep in a warm embrace.
I hope you take care of yourself.

I hope you know that your story is worth telling.

woman, desperate, sad

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

PART 3 – FIGHTING TEMPTATION

We all struggle with temptation, and we all give in to sin. Luckily for us, God knows our hearts, and He knows what we need and when we need it. He also knows when to show us the way we need to go, and He gives us direction. I believe that is exactly what He did when He gave me this message that I share here.

Temptation within a marriage is not something that is uncommon and as part of the kingdom marriage series, I want to explore this idea.

The temptation will come at you looking like something beautiful and desirable. It will be something that looks good, makes you feel good. It will come across as someone speaking well, someone who sounds as if they have a lot of wisdom, and it will make sense to you at that moment

Think of Eve in the Garden of Eden. The serpent approached her and spoke to her in a way that she understood.
It made her doubt that which God had instructed them not to do. The serpent painted God in a bad light, making it seem as if God didn’t want the best for them but in actual fact, the serpent was manipulating her.

That is what temptation does. It manipulates you and makes you doubt the truth. It makes you question what you already know is the truth.

GENESIS 3 VS 6

“The woman saw how beautiful the tree was and how good its fruit would be to eat and she thought how wonderful it would be to become wise. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, and he also ate it”

When the door of temptation is opened, we allow others to become a part of it. For example, if you are married and you are tempted to cheat, you unknowingly invite that deception and temptation into your home and your marriage and this happens before you have even acted on the temptation. Your spouse also becomes tempted, a riff is caused between you and neither of you can understand where the trouble in your marriage is coming from. Temptation looks good and feels wonderful and makes you feel good. That is how the cracks are created within your life. 

We need to learn to kill temptation before it seeps into our lives and affects the different facets of our lives.

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT TEMPTATION

open book, bible, scripture
1 CORINTHIANS 7 VS 2-5

Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

What I take away from this verse is that it reaffirms that marriage is a 50/50 partnership between a man and a woman. It tells me that we take care of one another in every way so that we are not tempted by the world and by Satan in cheating on our spouses spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. We need to take care of each other in all facets of our relationship. That is my interpretation of the above verse.

1 CORINTHIANS 10 VS 13

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

This verse says that the temptation will come but God will provide you with way to overcome it. God gave us free-will; we have the choice to give in to temptation or fight it. The power is already given to us but the choice still has to be made.

JAMES 4 VS 7

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

1 TIMOTHY 6 VS 11

“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.”

The word ‘avoid’ literally means to keep away from something or to stop yourself from doing something. You can also interpret it as not putting yourself in a situation where you know that you will be tempted. Don’t go to that party, don’t have that conversation, don’t engage with that person. Avoid all these things if you know it will tempt you into unrighteousness.

adventure, trail, hair
MATTHEW 26 VS 41

 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

This is why we fast, so that we can deny ourselves and our bodies of the things of the world. In this way, we make room for the Holy Spirit to take over. We make room for the Spirit of God in our lives. When we are tempted in any way, we should pray, keep watch, be aware of all the different types of temptations that can sneak into our lives.

2 PETER 2 VS 9

And so the Lord knows how to rescue godly people from their trails.”

Simple; God knows how to help you, and He will help you; you only have to ask.

cross, sunset, humility

MORE ENCOURAGING SCRIPTURES

PSALM 25 VS 21

“May my goodness and honesty preserve me because I trust in you”

ROMANS 12 VS 21

Do not let evil defeat you; instead conquer evil with good”

ROMANS 12 VS 2

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind, Then you will be able to know the will of God – what is good and is pleasing to Him and is perfect”

alpine-grass elke, flower, armeria alpina

LIVE AND LOVE LOUD

Watching Connie Ferguson at her husband’s funeral broke my heart. I can’t imagine saying goodbye to my husband of only 4 months, imagine the pain she feels of losing her best friend and life partner of 20 years. 
Death is such a painful experience and before I lost my mom, I couldn’t really relate to anyone who lost another person. I couldn’t understand that grief and pain. I couldn’t fathom the emptiness and now I see and feel it all around me, almost on a daily basis.

Shona and Connie Ferguson. Shona died this past week from Covid-19 complications

It’s painful to read, report or hear of someone dying, it’s heart-shattering. When someone you love dies, a part of you dies with them. There is constant emptiness, a dark and hollow feeling. You can never shake it and you live with it all your life. 
It rocks you to your core and breaks every resolve you’ve ever had. Then you have to rebuild. You need to start again. 

Something that is beautiful though is love, love makes the memories that you carry worth all the pain that you feel. Memories and the feelings associated with that person, makes it bearable. 

What this death has reminded me of, is that we run out of time.

We do not live forever.

The time that we have on this earth is more than precious, it is sacred. 

The people we have in our lives, the ones we love and cherish and adore, are the ones that deserve all that we have to offer. 

We cannot afford to be selfish and arrogant. We can’t live in a way where anger and hatred dominate our lives. 

Say ‘I love you’ as often as you can and mean it. 

Enjoy every minute you can breathe. 

Laugh as much as possible and love even more. 

Create art and enjoy it too. 


Live each moment as if it’s your last. It might sound like a cliché, but it doesn’t make it any less true. 

coruh river, river, streaming
dandelion, flower, plant

12 THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST YEAR

Earlier today: It’s Saturday afternoon, the house is quiet, the wind is howling outside, keeping the sun company. It seems like a good time to reflect on the last year.

I’m braiding my hair and thinking about this time of year. Last year (2020) we lost our mother. It was a Friday and she died in a car on her way to the clinic, my then boyfriend (now husband) right next to her. A shift happened then and a shift is happening now. My husband, sick with Covid-19 and myself, also sick but I haven’t tested for Covid-19 at the time of this post but we’re treating the situation as if I am sick with Covid too. Though I feel strong enough to clean the house and make sure we have something to eat, I still don’t really feel like myself.

REFLECTION

All these health issues have done a very good job of distracting me from what day it is. The day my mother died. I’m not feeling incredibly sad or melancholic when I think about it; I feel a sense of peace, maybe even gratitude, that we as a family have been able to make it through the last 12 months in one piece and then some. We had an addition to the family with my niece, we had a wedding and we had the birth of our company. Those are quite huge life milestones. It just goes to show that life really does go on after the death of a loved one, at least if you let it.

Still in the quiet of the house, I wonder to myself, why is it that these shifts or life-changing events seemed to have happened around the same time for the past 2 years and I can’t help but wonder will something else happen next year around this time? I also don’t really want to question why these things are happening and happening in the way they are and around the time they are. I understand that no one truly knows the inner workings of time so I simply want to breath and say, “Thank you Lord” .

sol, nature, gratitude
Have an attitude of gratitude

GRATEFUL

Something that has really stood out for me during this time of isolation over the past several days, is the kindness of people; everyone we care about checking in on us and bringing us food. That especially has reminded me of the week when my mother died; everyone brought us food and groceries so that we didn’t still have to worry about that. I’m really grateful to all the people who have come through for us during this time.

flowers. roses. love
Flowers from my friend Reesha.

With that said, I’d like to share 12 things I’ve learned in the last 12 months since my mother died.

  1. It’s okay not to feel in control.
  2. You can cry whenever and wherever you need to.
  3. Change will always come, don’t fight it.
  4. Nothing ever goes the way we expect or plan, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prepared.
  5. It’s okay to feel the ‘bad’ feelings; fear, sadness, anger, frustration ect.
  6. You won’t always succeed at everything you take on and that’s okay.
  7. You are allowed to want to be alone.
  8. Grief throws you into an unending spiral of self-confrontation.
  9. Cooking or baking is therapeutic.
  10. Love is all there is. It will get you through your darkest nights and brightest days.
  11. Don’t waste the time you have. You won’t get a refund.
  12. Live well.

wedding, marriage, husband

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

PART 2 – LOVE IS SACRIFICE

God’s love is sacrifice. The most obvious and clear example of that sacrificial love is God giving His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus was God’s ultimate sacrifice, and still today Jesus continues to be a sacrifice for us because He continues to take our sins upon himself.  That is how much Jesus loves us. He thinks of us first before he considers himself.

In Philippians 2 vs 3 Paul says the following:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves”

I love this verse because it makes things clear; don’t do anything out of selfish desires and humble yourself by thinking of others more important or significant than yourself.

Think of others first. Put others first. Don’t be selfish or do anything out of selfish motives.

That is how God loves us, and that is how we should love one another.

Marriage and love is putting another person’s needs before your own.

“the root of the word “sacrifice”. “Sacrifice” comes from Latin, which means, “to make holy.” The ultimate act of love is to sacrifice for another. In sacrificing for another we are actually sanctifying our soul. When the sacrament of marriage is lived according to God’s plan, spouses are daily challenged to make sacrifices for the sake of their beloved. God designed marriage as a means of growing in holiness with the ultimate goal of helping our spouse get to Heaven.”

Marriage shouldn’t be entered into with the mindset of “I’ll do this if you do that” It’s not a take-take situation. It’s all about giving.

In the Kingdom Marriage plan that I am following. The writer says the following:

marriage, wedding, rings

“One reason so many couples turn in their rings (get divorced) is because they view marriage as a contract. A contract is a conditional agreement between two or more persons signifying that all parties will do something. Contracts get made for limited periods of time and are based on “if, then” statements. “If they do this, then I’ll do that” People enter into contracts because of what they’ll get out of them.”

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT

What I’ve learned over the past 2 months of being married is that marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. The same covenant you enter into when you choose God as your Lord and saviour is the same covenant you enter into when you choose your partner for life. We say vows when we get married and we say them before God.

The author of the plan says:

“A covenant is a divinely created bond meaning it is permanent. It has rules, responsibilities and benefits. Covenants are intimate relationships initiated for the benefit of the other person. In it, the good of the relationship takes precedence over the needs of the individual. This is why covenants make unconditional promises. Basically, it’s where God makes something official in the spiritual realm to be lived out in the physical world. After all, the wedding vows are made “before God” and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break the covenant with your spouse is to break it with God. “

When you and your spouse are both going into the marriage with the mindset of “I will put you first” both of you will benefit. Marriage cannot and should not be a selfish act.

marriage, sacrifice, love
Jared and myself on our wedding day

I love my husband, knowing and understanding that he is God’s child. I love him in a way that’s not suffocating but that gives him the freedom to grow as a man, husband, and father, in all areas of his life. Wanting him to succeed is one of the many reasons I pray for him all the time, more than I do for myself. I truly want to make him happy. I know he wants the same for me. The reason I know this is because we talk about it all the time. Both of us want to make the other happy and that makes us happy and brings us joy. I know when Jared is happy, I feel happy, and I know it’s the same for him.

Jared’s love for me is sacrificial because he always puts my needs before his own, but as his wife, I also need to understand when I have to give more than I take, and that can make all the difference in a marriage.

GOD IS LOVE.

To close, I want to remind you that love is from God. God is love. Loving God means loving people. Loving and accepting your spouse means loving and accepting Jesus.

Let God’s love be the anchor which holds your marriage down.

To read part 1 of this series, click here.

To follow the Kingdom marriage plan, click here.

marriage, kingdom marriage, vows, God

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

PART 1 – THE ROLE OF A MOTHER AND WIFE

As I’m writing this, my husband and myself have only been married for a month and a half. I know many people will probably read this post and think, what does she know but you’d be surprised what you can learn in a short space of time when you pay attention. The following post below is what God has put in my spirit during this month and a half that I’ve been married and has helped me understand what it means to have a kingdom marriage. I hope it speaks to you in some way too.

FIGHTING AND ARGUING IS INEVITABLE IN A MARRIAGE

Arguing, fighting and having disagreements don’t suddenly disappear when you get married. In fact, it might even increase. Something I’ve learned during this short time that I’ve been married is that prayer is powerful. You can pray through your problems, When your marriage is centered around Christ, He can help you through the difficult and uncomfortable times.

When you get married, the dynamics of your relationship changes. You feel it the moment you say your vows. There is a shift and you realise that the level of commitment has changed. You always need to remember the vows you took before God when you got married. I know I always do.

Marriage is from God and when you realise that, you know and understand how important it is.

marriage, kingdom, God,
An extract from a Devotional by Dr. Tony Evans

Something else that is vitally important to the life of your marriage is communication. You cannot disregard your spouse’s feelings in your marriage. You need to talk about it and find out why they are feeling the way they do. Communication is everything. I don’t believe the silent treatment works in a marriage. In fact, it could build up a wall in your home that will eventually be impossible to get over.

Seek God’s wisdom and guidance in your marriage. Refer to scriptures and pray with your spouse.

The world and social media shows us that you can get married and divorced on a whim but imagine if God married and divorced you on a whim? How would you feel if God just left you because He no longer felt like being in this relationship with you? Because that is what we have with God once we accept Him into our lives. We enter into a marriage with Him. A covenant. A relationship.

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

Through discussions, Jared and I realised that we want a Kingdom marriage. A definition shared by Dr. Tony Evans describes a Kingdom marriage as follows:

“a covenantal union between a man and a woman who commit themselves to function in unison under divine authority in order to replicate God’s image and expand His rule in the world through both their individual and joint callings”

So basically, you come together as a couple and you vow to expand God’s kingdom through what He has called you to do. You work on replicating the image of God in and through the world.

marriage, kingdom marriage, vows, God
Our wedding day on the 13th of March 2021

You are setting an example and a precedent for your children and all your future generations when you decide to enter into a marriage. It doesn’t matter if you come from a background where marriages didn’t work out, what matters is what you do going forward.

marriage, kingdom marriage, vows

YOUR ROLE AS A WIFE AND MOTHER

As a woman, mother and wife, you have a God-given power to pray your family to prosperity. You have a gift to carry your family through trying and troubling times. As women, we sometimes forget how dear we are to God’s heart.

God made Eve for Adam because He saw that Adam needed someone. God saw that Adam needed strength and help and encouragement that only a woman can provide. You might be asking yourself; but why should I do all the work? Why should I be the one to create a space for my husband and children to grow and succeed?

marriage, kingdom marriage

The reason for that is because God gave you that power. God gave you that responsibility. Your family draws strength from you. Your nurturing spirit and your unlimited love and your ability to comfort. They draw from your determination to always do more and be more and to succeed.

As you draw strength from God, your family draws from you and by doing that, your family draws closer to God because they see how you pray and how you carry yourself and because you make God the centre of all that you love and cherish.

BE PATIENT

You will grow into your role, whatever that may be. You will never be a perfect woman, mother or wife but you can be a good one.

Follow the five-day reading plan for a Kingdom marriage here : Kingdom Marriage

poppies, field, sunset, bloom, seasons

SEASONS.

We are all in different seasons of our lives. It might not be the season you want to be in but right now, it is your season.

It’s the one you need.

Winter doesn’t shy away after the warm months have gone when it’s her turn to wrap us in a cold cocoon.

Autumn doesn’t become sad when the leaves turn from green to yellow to brown.

Spring patiently waits her turn to release her cherry blossoms after months of being in hiding.

This is your time to grow, to plant seeds for the next season.

To sow and to harvest.

You cannot skip it or avoid it.

You can’t get to the next season without getting through your current season.

There is a time for everything.

You cannot watch others bloom when it is their time and be upset because the same thing is not happening to you at that very moment.

Nothing in nature works that way; no flower keeps watch over another flower.

It simply blooms.

When its time has come, its petals fall to the ground and it does so with grace and elegance.

Its petals do not force their way back onto the stem.

Bloom when it is your time.

A flower grows where it is planted, where it is born, between weeds or between concrete.

It makes its surroundings beautiful.

Make your surroundings beautiful.

You have a purpose now, right where you are. No matter the season.

Whether your current season is five days, ten weeks, or 15 years, you need to submit and commit yourself to it.

If you believe God placed you here, know that it was with a purpose in mind.

Everything happens for a reason.

The hard part is being patient.

Kimberly Fray

Kimberly is a writer, blogger and poet. She is married to musician Jared Fray and they live in Johannesburg, South Africa with their two children.
Kimberly has had several of her poems published in poetry journals and also works as a news producer.