Sometimes you get to climb the top really quickly and other times, you get eaten by snakes.
This is a lesson I was trying to teach my daughter one night. I invited her to play a game of Snakes and Ladders with me. It was her very first time. She was five years old at the time and extremely intelligent for her age and also emotionally sensitive. When she started realising that the game wasn’t as easy as it looks, she didn’t enjoy it at first. She didn’t like losing. In fact, she took it so hard, that she started crying the moment she realised that I was winning the game. I explained to her that the point of the game is to go through challenges and I told her that, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I tried to make her understand that its okay to lose sometimes.
She wanted to stop playing and told me that she is the worst player ever and that I am better than her. Then she started listing a whole bunch of other things that she believed she was bad at.
What I told her is that the game is all about learning, much like the life we live. You have to keep playing the game and should never give up. That’s how you see if you’re good at the game. That’s how you see if you can win.
I explained to her that she should at least try to make it to the top and see if she can do it. It took some time and some convincing but eventually it worked. We continued to play the game and she kept asking me, “Mommy am I almost at the top?” and I told her not to worry about what’s at the top but to instead focus on where she is. I told her something many of us have heard a million times; focus on the journey and not the destination.
She felt better, even on the turns when she got swallowed up by snakes. I kept on reminding her that it is okay; just keep playing the game. I hoped that she would remember what I was telling her.
At the end of the game, she won and in a way, so did I because I taught my daughter and myself a valuable lesson;
I was thinking about distractions this morning. We woke up to start our day, and there were elements of distractions that cut into our routine. I woke up less than excited; I couldn’t find my shoes when it was time for our walk, my husband couldn’t find his book when it was reading time, and so forth. I felt disorganized and disorientated, and it irritated me a little. The morning routine was less perfect than the day before, but we still completed it. So many times, we strive for perfection when we should take note of the progress. We think or believe things should be exactly right, and when it doesn’t happen the way we imagined it, we become discouraged, and most times, we tend to give up when we are so close to the finish line. It’s all about progress – small acts you do every day that make you better, stronger, and wiser than you were the day before. When we pray, we tell God exactly what we want, to the last detail, and forget that He can and will probably provide us with something more significant, despite our ignorance.
Isaiah, 55 vs. 8-9, says: ‘Indeed, my plans are not like your plans, and my deeds are not like your deeds, for just as the sky is higher than the earth, so my deeds and my plans are superior to your plans.’
God is the only one who is perfect. I once told my husband that sometimes our reaction to life’s events, like tragedy or a break in routine, or a small or medium-sized distraction, could completely throw us off our axes. Its as if we suddenly don’t know where we are, who we are, or what we’re supposed to do, and then we curl up in a ball and feel sorry for ourselves because things didn’t go as we planned instead of rolling with the waves and adjusting our sails to the winds. Stop looking for perfect. There is no such thing. Don’t take your eyes off Jesus; don’t let the winds of change or distraction throw you off your purpose. Let it make you stronger. Let us build our character and learn to be patient with ourselves. Change and growth is a continuous process, I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite scriptures
Jeremiah 29 vs. 11 ‘For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’
My husband and I started our new morning routine. It opened my eyes as well as my mind. The power and presence of God and the Holy Spirit were palpable for me this morning. The morning walk felt good. The moon was still fully out, shining brightly in the sky. My nose was cold. I felt peace overcome me. I am grateful that I can live this life. Thankful that I have another opportunity to change and grow. There are so many things I want to achieve for myself and my family. Places I want to go, people I want to meet, and lives I want to change. I’m re-reading the 5AM Club by Robin Sharma, and there’s a line where the entrepreneur, a woman, decides to take steps in changing her life;
‘She promised herself she’d keep following this process instead of retreating. Her former way of existing no longer served her. It was time for a change.’
One of our greatest mistakes is thinking we have time, but we don’t. Every day without us living the life we’re meant to and fulfilling our purpose on this earth is wasted, and we don’t get that time back. I’m realizing now that our purpose is not something we do one day and then it’s done. Our purpose is small acts that we carry out every single day, consistently, passionately, and intentionally.
Some day we will look at our lives and wonder where all the time went and what we did with all the time we had. Some day is today. Right now. You can’t fit in all you were supposed to do in the past in the time you have now. The time you have left is meant for other tasks and new pursuits. The Word of God says there is a time for everything in Ecclesiastes 3 vs. 1-8 ‘ For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. ‘
We need to be conscious of that. Tap into God’s plans for your life and start doing the work laid out for you. I say this as much to myself as I say to you, dear reader. Time on earth is a commodity, a precious one at that. We need to be aware of the things we spend our time on. I am genuinely grateful that this is still something I have – time.
I don’t want to lie on my deathbed someday; whether that eventually is thirty or forty years or three weeks from now; and be buried underneath all my regrets.
I need to create.
I need to leave something that will live long after I’ve left this earth.
I question whether anyone will remember me for what I’ve left behind and if it is even important.
I want to spend every day of my life creating and as I sit herewriting this, I feel myself becoming emotional; tears run down my cheeks and I know, without a shadow of a doubt that this is truly my calling.
I need to create.
In the same way I need to breath.
I need to create something out of nothing.
I need to fill blank pages with my sorrows, worries, and fears and turn it into something beautiful to share with others.
I need to express my thoughts and dreams and connect with others.
And that is ultimately why I need to create, why I need to write. Why my life needs to be an open book.
I need to build a bridge between my fears and another’s loneliness.
I want to leave breadcrumbs in the form of poetry and stories so that someone else can find their way and their voice.
I need to share my life so that another person can be brave enough to share their story.
It is my calling.
My purpose.
Every day that passes that I do not write, express or create, feels truly wasted. On those days I feel as if I’ve betrayed my calling. I have wasted an entire day not living as I should.
I feel as if I did not live at all.
Even when I’ve tried to avoid it, when I’ve tried to ignore it. When I told myself it wasn’t important, there was always this nagging feeling inside me, tugging at me, pushing me in a certain direction.
And I knew, it was futile trying to turn my back on it; I am an artist. I am a creative.
You may not always understand what I create, you may not always enjoy what I share and you may even mock and laugh at me but that will only encourage me more.
Knowing that I am an artist, reminds me that I must createevery day. It is not just a calling but it is also a responsibility.
Writing is an art; the blank page is my canvas, words are my paint and the world and this life is my muse.
What you finally see before you; is my work of art.
To the woman sitting alone in her empty house Full of memories and mementos, wondering where it all went wrong, I was you. To the young girl crying her eyes out in the office bathroom, staring at herself In the mirror, not recognizing the person staring back at her With bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks, I understand. To the tired mother, using her last strength to dress and feed and play with her kids When she hasn’t eaten or had a decent shower in days, I have been there. To the friend that needs comforting and can’t control the tears from flowing, Feeling as if everything is falling apart, You will be okay. It doesn’t matter how strong you feel you need to be or how tired you are and How many times you need to start over, I want you to know that This too shall pass.
“Haggai encourages those who have just returned from exile to remain faithful, obedient, and hopeful for God’s promise of a new Jerusalem. Haggai challenges returned exiles to remain faithful and rebuild the temple.” – The Bible Project
The other night when I was ready to get into bed, I felt the Holy Spirit move me to open my Bible. I’ve been wanting to start reading the stories about all the women in the Bible and I was looking for the book of Ruth but instead I was led to the book of Haggai.
I have never read the book of Haggai, in fact I probably missed it before because its only one page in my Bible.
At the top of the page, it gives some context of the book of Haggai. I’ll summarise it but the very first sentence read as follows:
“Do you have trouble finishing the projects you start? “
Already, I felt convicted by that one sentence. If you have been following me and my blog, you know I want to become a published author. I just haven’t come as far as actually finishing any of the multiple stories I’ve started, over twenty stories to be exact.
Anyway, back to Haggai.
The Book Of Haggai in my Bible.
Haggai lived in Jerusalem after many Jews returned from exile in Babylonia. Those who returned started rebuilding the temple but eventually they just stopped and the temple was left half finished.
Haggai, who is a prophet, begins a campaign with Zechariah to continue to work and finish the temple and this is where the story begins.
HAGGAI 1 VS 3-6
‘Then the Lord sent this message through the prophet Haggai, “Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes’
The above verse to me speaks about society today. We are always wanting more; more money, more clothes, more possessions and even when we get what we want, we still want more. We look around us, comparing ourselves to everyone we come across. Feelings of jealousy, envy and sometimes even rage rear its ugly head and we end up losing sight of who we are and what we have.
Our focus is on us and what we want and what we can get. We end up forgetting that God placed us here for a reason, that we are part of God’s plan and purpose for this earth. As children of God, we are on a mission that is greater than anything we could ever want or think we need. Our mission is to save souls and serve and build the house of the Lord.
HAGGAI 1 VS 8
‘Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house’
A clear command given by God. He gives direction, he provides resources and gives clear instructions on what needs to be done. All we have to do is listen and obey.
HAGGAI 1 VS 9-11
‘You hoped for rich harvests, but they were poor. And when you brought your harvest home, I blew it away. Why? Because my house lies in ruins, says the Lord. While all of you are busy building your own fine houses. It’s because of you that the heavens withhold the dew and the earth produces no crops. I have called you for a drought on your fields and hills – a drought to wither the grain and grapes and olive trees and all your other crops, a drought to starve you and your livestock and to ruin everything you have worked so hard to get. ‘
Wow, that verse is so hard to read and, in many ways, very convicting. It forces you to take a very hard look at yourself and where your priorities lie.
The first part that really stands out for me, ‘I blew it away’. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away (Job 1 vs 21) It is in the Lord’s authority and power to give and take away as He sees fit and we need to remember that we can do nothing without Him. It is both a blessing and also something to be respected.
The above scripture then goes on to say, the Lord’s house lies in ruins while we continue to build our own fine houses. You can take that literally or figuratively. This is how I interpreted it.
In the literal sense, it means looking out only for your own needs and wants, while we know God’s people are suffering and we see opportunities where we can help, but we don’t because we are too busy building our own homes. I understand it as chasing my own dreams, goals and visions and forgetting that there are people I can help in my backyard.
Then it goes on to say‘It’s because of you that the rain withholds its dew and the earth produces no crops’. In simple English, we end up blocking our own blessings and plans God has for us because we are so busy being selfish and self-centred and we are worried about our own needs.
This portion of the verse spoke so vividly to me because all of us want the harvest but hardly any of us want to put in the work. Humans are impatient, myself included and we don’t always understand why we are going through difficult times of hardships. We question everything; why are others successful and I am not? Why are things progressing for others but not for me? I believe this scripture says simply;
It is not yet your time.
It is your time for a drought.
What we must remember is the following;
HAGGAI 1 vs 13
‘I am with you, says the Lord’
We are never alone in our time of drought, God is always with us.
HAGGAI 2 vs 4:
‘Be strong…
Be strong…
And now, get to work, for I am with you. My Spirit remains among you…do not be afraid’
How beautiful and encouraging is that promise from God. Even when we go through a drought, God is with us. He encourages to be strong, reminds us that Hs Spirit is among us always. He will never forsake us or forget about us. We must simply continue the work He has called us for and continue to work, even during the most trying times and circumstances. God’s promises are clear.
HAGGAI 2 VS 19
‘I am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grain, and your grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates and olive trees have not yet produced their crops but from this day onward, I will bless you’
Nothing to explain there, simply take it in and understand God will bless you.
I’ll leave you with this to end off.
HAGGAI 2 VS 21
‘I am about to shake the heavens and the earth’
HAGGAI 2 VS 23
‘I have chosen you’
You are not random. God has a plan for your life. He only asks that you give Him room to work in you so that you can also be a part in building his house and his Kingdom. The Lord has chosen you for a time such as this.
Writing is a release for me. Almost like therapy but without the talking.
When I write down my feelings and thoughts that have kept me hostage or that have made me feel sad or heartbroken or angry and I stare at it on the page before me, I feel a sense of freedom. Almost as if I let go of something. I feel as if I can breath easier, as if I’ve made space in my heart and my spirit for better and more beautiful things.
It’s a healing process. I never want to stop experiencing this when I write. I never want to stop writing.
Even if I never become a best-selling author and no one ever reads anything I write, I’d like to know I’ve left a trail of breadcrumbs to feed someone’s soul.
Okay, this book was difficult to read. As a mother and as a woman, I found myself gasping, cringing, feeling sad and heartbroken, feeling angry and frustrated. I experienced disbelief and a whole lot of other emotions that caught me by surprise. I’m not sure what I expected when I picked up this book but what I found was definitely not it.
Without giving too much away, I’ll provide a short summary.
Frida Liu is a young mother accused of neglecting and abandoning her young child. She is then sent to a school which is meant to retrain ‘bad mothers’ into becoming the best and most attentive mothers in human existence. (I’m being a bit sarcastic here and once you read the book, especially if you are a mother, I’m sure you will understand why.)
The training and exercises these mothers at the school go through are something else; I found myself frowning and saying “huh?” on many occasions while reading.
‘I am a bad mother but I am learning to be good’
An excerpt from the book.
There is so much I can say and want to say about how this book made me feel; when I got to the last chapter, I was in tears.
In a way this book highlights the unrealistic expectations society has when it comes to mothers. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood and children are a gift for women who want it, but it’s a very difficult journey to be on.
In the book, mothers are expected to always be aware of everything around them, never turn their eyes away from their children for a second, be able to soothe their babies by using the correct language and words and physical affection, be able to effectively comfort their children and provide quick, healthy meals and stimulate their minds all the while not losing their own heads.
In a nutshell; it’s a lot.
The thing is, mothers can do all the above but unlike the children in the book, we are not robots. We need a break and we are not always emotionally available for our children or spouses or partners. We won’t always cook healthy dinners and sometimes we want to shut down and be left alone and that is perfectly normal and should be acceptable.
Our own kids are 6 and 8 years old now; they have an abundance of energy which I don’t. There is always something that needs to be done. Laundry needs to be washed and folded and packed away, school lunches need to be made, shopping needs to be done, toys have to be picked up and put away, children need to be disciplined. All the while you are trying to think of the 20 things you need to remember, you are thinking about work, you are checking the time, you are trying to engage in conversations, you are trying to be a good wife and then you need to remember to take care of yourself; have a bath, drink your coffee, fall asleep.
You will fall short somewhere.
We were never made to be perfect.
The guilt and pressure mothers are put under is also a prominent theme in this book; not only by society but by family and surprisingly other mothers too. The pressure can become so crippling, that it becomes life-threatening.
As a mom myself, I’ve been judged, criticized, told what I’m doing wrong, what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. I’ve also compared myself to other moms and it made me feel like the worst person in the world. I’ve been told to plan ahead, prepare dinners, clothing, activities, grocery lists, an endless number of things that I am meant to remember and take care off. Being a parent is difficult but there’s a different kind of hardship that comes with motherhood. Sometimes it’s unrealistic and you have homes where there are two parents and both contribute equally but I think as women, we tend to put ourselves under pressure and that pressure is amplified when you become a mom. Especially when you have a full-time job, a side hustle, a marriage, children. When you do catch your breath long enough to tick something off your to-do list, it feels like a miracle, that’s if you remembered to write your to-do list!
Yes, I know. It sounds like I am venting and maybe I am a little. Reading this book might unlock feelings on the inside of you, that you never even thought you had. Some of those feelings you might not be ready to face.
Something else which stands out for me in this novel is how different the ‘bad fathers’ are treated at the school, which I will call, ‘parenting rehab facility’
The differences are like night and day, which again angered me a little because moms are not always extended the grace which they deserve.
I think the overwhelming message in this book is how one small mistake can change your entire life. The book is about a mother who needs to make decisions which are painful and difficult but she makes them and she doesn’t always make the right ones.
It’s also about regret and how it can hold you back but its also about forgiveness; forgiving others but also forgiving yourself for mistakes you made when you didn’t know better.
All in all, it was an amazing read. I could probably write pages and pages of analysis but I want you to experience this book and make sense of it on your own.
we are shaped by our experiences but we can choose how to live out those experiences. We choose how to live, we choose whether we give up or go on. We choose to forgive.
life demands of you to be intentional; intentional about your actions, your energy, your focus, your thoughts and emotions.
It hasn’t been easy but it has been fulfilling
love is one of the most if not the most powerful source of hope we have on this earth
Its not just okay to live as your authentic self, its absolutely necessary.
do not fear. do not tremble. do not question or second guess
These hard, tiring and busy days won’t last.
Your ability to nurture, love, care and encourage is God-given.
break out of the mould you created for yourself with all the things you thought you knew
I hope you relinquish all expectations you had of yourself for this next season and simply enjoy being alive.
Even if it fails, at least you know that you tried.
We all have a place in our minds where we wish to go, things we want to do and places we want to see but if I’ve learned anything, these last few years, is that you won’t get there if you don’t get moving.
It’s a beautiful day. The dog dreams. I breathe
Better to have a moment of awkwardness than to have a lifetime of regret.
