Life and Death

THESE FEET WERE MADE FOR WALKING

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A BROKEN FOOT

Have you ever thought about how important your feet are? Strange introduction but stay with me. I feel very vulnerable putting my poor feet on the internet like this but anyway, here we go.
I’ve had five weeks to ponder this thought, about how important our feet are. I broke my foot and ended up being in a cast for 4 weeks and then I’ll be stuck in a moon boot for another 6 weeks.
I had surgery to repair the broken bone – I had what you call a lisfranc injury and I now have two screws in my right foot to get it all better.
I’ll have to have another surgery next year sometime to remove the screws so recovery to get back to my usual busy, up and down self, is going to take some time.


I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things since the injury; I was booked off from work so I’ve been at home in my cast and using crutches to get around – it’s been one of the most inconvenient experiences of my life.
I never realised before how important my feet are and the use of my feet. It’s one of those things that we take for granted when we’re blessed to have both feet or legs working fully.
Now, I’m not going to compare my experience with people who have had amputations or who were born without the use of their limbs or anything of that sort – I’m simply telling my story.
The last time I broke a part of my body I was probably 7 years old I think; I broke my arm when I was running around in our yard with our two big dogs, Jack and Jill. They were Boerboels and as I fell one of them accidently stepped on my arm; at least that’s how I remember it. I also remember my bone sticking out of my arm and being in hospital and going into theatre and seeing the bright theatre light above my head just before I went under.
As a child, that experience wasn’t inconvenient because I was spoiled and looked after and I got toys and all the snacks and sweets I wanted.
As an adult, breaking my foot, was not so great.
I am a mom of two and a wife and business owner and I also have a full time job so usually I am always on my feet, doing things. The kids need to go to dance class; the house needs to be cleaned, food needs to be made, admin needs to be completed.
But with my foot being broken, most days and especially the first few weeks of recovery; I was stuck in bed or the couch with my foot propped up on pillows. I was also in a lot of pain and the pain meds were my saving grace but the effect of that was that It made me drowsy and I would end up sleeping most of the day.

This has been my life for the last few weeks.

Fast forward 5 weeks later and I am super restless; I am ready to go back to work and ready to get this cast of my leg but I am also ready to have a few honest conversations with myself.
Nothing like being stuck at home, unable to move around as usual to get you to come face to face with yourself.
So the initial idea was that while I am stuck at home, unable to be up and down; I would write and finish another book or work on some new ideas or be productive because I’m a writer and its not like I need my foot to write, right?
Well, none of that happened. In fact, this is the first substantial piece of writing I’ve released in weeks.
My mind and my brain were sucked dry of its creative coffers.
What I have been doing is eating, sleeping, binge-watching and falling asleep after taking a cocktail of prescribed pain medications.
I’m not proud of it but I am okay with it.
Sometimes we do pressure ourselves to perform while our minds and our bodies are not in the right place.
Many people have told me that maybe this injury was God’s way of telling me to slow down and slow down I did indeed.
But I finally came back to myself.
I can feel it as I’m writing this.
What I do pay attention to now however is feet – I’ve been watching how people walk; how some move their hips from left to right and use their arms while others don’t.
I’ve noticed how people walk with confidence or with a shy demeanour; hoping no one else sees them.
Are some people rushing or taking their time?
Do they take small steps or large ones?
What shoes are they wearing?
Have they had surgery which affected their gait?
I think about that.
I wonder if I will walk ‘normally’ after I am fully recovered or if I will always be slightly anxious now moving forward?
Will I be more appreciative of my body in its entirety?
Most certainly.
Something else that I have been pondering on is how fragile the human body is. Every single day, we leave our homes not knowing how our day will end up.

In fact, let me tell you how I broke my foot in the first place.

A FALL

I was sitting peacefully in my house watching Teen Wolf. I was expecting a visit from my brother and I remembered our car garage was open. I wanted to close it because its untidy and I didn’t want him to see the mess ( hides face) So I walk out my house, I don’t end up closing the garage because I couldn’t reach the handle ( I’m pretty short ) – I give up and decide to leave it and as I am walking back into the small gate into my yard; I miss a step and fall.
The pain was excruciating; at some point after my brother arrived and found me on the ground; I passed out because the pain was so bad. I didn’t even know I broke my foot until a week later when I was sent for an MRI and the surgeon told me it was broken. That was on the 15th of September. I had surgery the very next day.
Anyway, that was five weeks ago – I’m much better now.


Where was I? Oh yes!
We don’t know how our day is going to end up when we wake up in the morning; we don’t know if we’re going to make it home by the end of the day. We don’t know if we’re going to break a leg or an arm or if we’re going to lose someone we dearly love.
This is something that has also been running around in my head.
Appreciate your loved ones and take care of yourself. Physically and mentally.
So its not like I have been sitting here at home not doing anything; I’ve been thinking. All the thoughts just decided to come out today.
Life continued as normal for other people while I was indisposed and that also made me think.
As much as work and responsibilities are important and necessary; you shouldn’t let it consume you and take over your life.
We’ve all heard the saying that you can be replaced at your workplace in an instant if you’re no longer there and its true. Not that I’ve been replaced but I have been able to spend a lot of time with my kids over these last few weeks and it’s been such a blessed time for me, even though I haven’t been able to cook or clean for them but I have been able to be there for them. To be present.
And like I mentioned earlier; I’ve also had to come face to face with myself – I’ve had to take note of the things I don’t like about myself; the things I can fix with simple lifestyle changes. The things I can only leave in God’s hands and also the things I need to let go off. Something that I’ve had to admit to myself as well as is that I may also have become slightly lazy. I’m cringing just writing that out but its true. As much as I’ve been unable to walk and be my usual busy self; I think the laziness started creeping in before I hurt myself and the injury sort of solidified it and gave me a reason to give in to it.

Here you can see the x-ray which shows the screws in my foot

A MIRACLE

I did experience a miracle during this time of being stuck at home. On one of the rare occasions of me leaving the house; I attended a church service with my husband and two friends.
It was a great service with a prophet from the United States giving us the word. After he was done; many people went to him so that he may speak or prophesy over them.
While I was sitting on the steps watching this; the pastor whose church we were visiting came and laid hands on my injured foot and let me tell you, I felt the power of God.
I had been struggling with pain that whole night because usually the pain gets worse at night, I think it has something to do with the cold but when he laid hands on me; it was like a soft breeze overcame me and the pain just vanished, just like that. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Not even the pain meds I am on can do that.
I was able to walk on the foot right after that and even though I continued to wear the cast after that and not immediately remove it, what I felt God was saying to me that night was ‘I AM’
God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can even think to ask of Him and I believe He was reminding me to trust Him and just showing off His power a bit.
I want to be better. I want to be stronger and healthier. I want to spend more time in God’s presence because if I’m honest; during this time since breaking my foot, I have been neglecting my prayer life and I think its because I’ve been so consumed by the problems that I forgot to look to the person who holds all the solutions.
What I do know is this; once I am recovered and even throughout the next few months of recovery; I want to take in everything. I want to feel the sun; I want to read more and write more. I want to achieve more. I want to walk more.
Besides, these feet were made for walking.

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love, kindness

KINDNESS IS A CURRENCY

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Life can be harsh. Harsh is not even the correct word to use. It can be excruciating, exhausting, desperate. We are constantly drenched in uncomfortable and testing situations. We all know the saying ‘be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about’ , but what that saying doesn’t mention is that every day, people are fighting battles, but they are also losing battles. Not every day is a winning day. Not every day is a beautiful, joyful day. As humans, we are put to the test every single day. Not all tests are the same, and not everyone goes through the same thing. One might think your situation is less traumatic than someone else’s, but who knows how you are affected by what you are going through compared to another person?

There should be no comparison. Only compassion.


There are days when you can’t get out of bed, days when the lump in your throat constricts you from speaking, or when you are working extra hard just not to cry because you are feeling downright sad. Our minds are a battlefield, and sometimes we find ourselves behind enemy lines.

And that’s okay, we are allowed to feel sad. We can’t win every day, we can’t be strong every day.
Every day I come across stories of people who are suffering; it’s death and poverty and it’s loneliness and it’s hurt and pain and confusion and loss and grief – I am surrounded by it every day. There are days where I ask God, ‘Why do all these bad things happen? Why do mothers kill their children and why are there wars ? Why do people in power take advantage of the very people they are meant to work for and protect? What is the point of all of it?

We must be kind, always be kind and compassionate, but also have emotional intelligence. We must understand that sometimes, when someone is treating us in an unkind manner, they might be fighting that day to keep their heads above water. It might not always be the case, but let love lead, and the rest will follow.
Kindness is a currency. Today might be the day that you can be a shoulder for someone, and tomorrow, you might need them.

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Life is simple when we focus on small acts of kindness.

A kind word or deed, like paying for someone’s

Lunch or offering a listening ear.

Giving someone a warm hug when you can see they need it or

Holding a mother’s baby while she takes a breath.

Simple things, not so?

But your heart has to be in it. It has to be sincere and honest,

Without any expectation in return.

It’s doing what we can to make another person’s life easier

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GRIEVE SO THAT YOU MAY GROW

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It’s okay to grieve for a life that you thought you would live.
Death comes in many different forms, not only the death of a loved one but also the death of a dream or the death of a certain path you wanted to take but, things turned out differently.
The Bible says that man may make his plans, but God directs our steps, and that’s exactly what we’re taught in this instance.
Sometimes, the death of your dream is the birth of God’s plan for your life and His plans are always bigger and greater than what we can imagine.
But still, it’s okay to grieve.
To grieve is to show that you loved and cared for something that is now lost but,

not everything that is lost is a loss.

So go through the feelings and the emotions.
Feel the pain, but then surrender your thinking and understanding, and let God take control. He knows better and loves us too much to let us live below our potential, power, and the calling He has placed within us.

Grieve so that you can grow.

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AVOID

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I avoid eye contact
Maybe if I don’t look at him
He won’t see me, and if he doesn’t see me
He can’t hurt me

I avoid sitting too close on the bus
Maybe if I’m not too close
I won’t entice

I avoid a friendly and polite smile
Maybe if I don’t smile
He won’t tell people that I asked for it

I avoid walking on the same side of the street
Maybe if I am a distance away
I’ll have a chance if I run

I avoid asking for help
Maybe if I come across as strong and capable
I won’t seem like an easy target

I avoid saying hello
Maybe if he doesn’t hear my voice
He won’t imagine what I sound like screaming

I avoid going out at night
Maybe the light of day will keep me safe

I avoid being alone with him
in the hopes that a witness will be able to
tell my story

I avoid him at all costs
Maybe I keep to myself
I’ll live another day

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MAKING THE BEST OF THE TIME WE HAVE

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Death is so sudden. We never know when it’s going to visit us. Whether directly or indirectly.
I was watching a video of someone who had just lost a loved one and he said that it was so sudden, no one expected this person to die. He had spoken to this person just the day before and there was no indication of sickness whatsoever and now she was gone.

Even when we know someone is at the end of their life, whether by old age or illness, we can’t always accept that they are about to leave us. And once they do, that void left behind is so palpable, so tangible.

So many people are experiencing loss lately. I see it everywhere.

I work in news and I see death on a daily basis. At times, I feel a bit disensititized and then I have to remind myself, that someone has lost a loved one and that it could have easily been me in that situation.

It’s strange though, before I lost my mother in 2020, I didn’t understand death or its impact but now, it’s as if I can feel everyone’s pain, everyone’s grief because it reminds me of my own.

Isn’t funny though, how something like death can be the thread that connects us?

Life is short and death is sudden. I don’t think we realize that any day can be our last. We are busy making plans for tomorrow but don’t know if tomorrow is on our calendar.

We haven’t accepted it. Our human minds can’t comprehend it.

I was watching a show and one of the characters delivered the following line:

“All we can do is the best we can with the time that is given to us”

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘Live each day as if it’s your last’
but what if we lived each day as if it were our first?
Full of wonder and curiosity and joy, love and gratitude. Untainted by heartache, pain, loss, grief, anger, hate or unforgiveness.
But rather as if we’re experiencing the world for the very first time.
With a gentle approach, an open mind, and a receiving heart.

We don’t know when our last day on earth will be.
All we have is today. You can choose how you spend it.

There are many things I wish I could have said to my mother before she died and sadly, we only realize these things afterwards but we still have many other loved ones we can cherish and appreciate.

Don’t waste it. Be kind, loving gentle, and compassionate.
Be good.

Our behavior and actions are all we can control.

Death is out of our hands. How we live our life that has been gifted to us is all we have.

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THE CAB RIDE

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The evening lights whizzed past me in a blur, I stared out the window, watching the moon smile and follow the cab I was in.
A cell phone rang in the front seat of the car but the driver didn’t answer. He ignored it and stared ahead.
Mm, maybe someone was calling him who he was upset with but then my mind started racing.

What if?
What if he murdered someone and the body is in the boot and the phone belongs to the person he killed??

I can’t believe I’m in a car with a total stranger?!
Why do we check the number plate but never check what’s in the boot??

Then another intrusive thought crept up.

That’s what we do as people anyway. At least most of the time.
We look at the outer of a person and don’t always investigate what is going on within.

And once we do, it’s almost always too late to turn back.

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Just like we make a conscious decision to get into a cab with a total stranger, we make a conscious decision to get involved with someone we don’t know and then wonder how we ended up in the boot of a car.
Decomposing in the back, with a phone showing a hundred missed calls.

Sometimes we get lucky and end up where we are supposed to: we say thank you for the memories and hope that the next time we get into another stranger’s car, the ride will be just as smooth.

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MY DAY AT THE VOTING STATION

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I found myself at a crossroads in this election. For the first time since I started voting at the age of 34, I chose not to cast my vote for the African National Congress. This decision weighed heavily on me, as the organisation once represented so much hope for a brighter future for South Africa. The organisation that gave us Nelson Mandela, who was not only a great statesman who left behind an extraordinary legacy, but he also shifted my allegiance in 1995 from the New Zealand All Blacks, who boasted the remarkable Jonah Lomu, to the South African rugby team which at that time had only one black player, Chester Williams.

Former President Nelson Mandela shakes the hand of Springbok player, Chester Williams.

The path to joining the organisation has been a challenging one, especially following the tragic murder of the revered Steve Biko by the apartheid regime. Banning the Black People’s Convention (BPC) and the South African Students’ Organization (SASO), of which I was a member in my youth, significantly heightened the challenge. I was faced with deciding whether to join the Pan African Congress (PAC), which had broken away from the ANC due to its stance that: “the land belongs to all who live in it, both black and white “. Despite this, I firmly believed that the ANC was the organisation that would effectively fight for and get us the freedom we so desperately sought.

I also grappled with the reality that two of my childhood friends (we went to the same school and church and were in the same Christian youth group) made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom we enjoy today. Cliffie Brown (aka Alf Sigale) and three of his comrades were killed in a firefight with the apartheid security forces after a planned rocket attack on the Mobil Oil Refinery in Wentworth, Durban. Leon Meyer (aka Joe) and his wife, Jacqueline Quinn, were assassinated in a raid in Maseru, Lesotho, by Eugene De Kock and his cohorts, who were also sent by the apartheid regime. These raiders left Leon and Jacqueline’s infant daughter alive but alone for hours. The question then for me: should I honour their memory and once again cast my vote for the ANC, the organisation to which they had dedicated their lives?

Steve Biko

This decision was tough, but I firmly believe it is essential for the future of our nation. The current version of the ANC does not align with the ideals I and so many others once held. It does not embody the principles for which Cliffie and Leon sacrificed their lives.

The ANC has repeatedly abused its majority over the last three government terms. It is crucial to address this recurring behaviour. The ANC must realise that its authority to govern the country comes from the people. Once they understand this, they will be compelled to prioritise serving the very people who have entrusted them with such power.

As I entered the voting booth and cast my ballot for a new party participating in the elections for the first time, I experienced mixed emotions. Instead of feeling guilty, I left the booth with a sense of sadness. It pained me to realise that the organisation I had previously placed my trust in had lost my support. For me to contemplate supporting them once more, they must, as an organisation, truly embody the principles that initially gained my trust.

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TIME

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Do you realize that time never stops?
It’s always moving.
Sometimes it flutters by like a butterfly
And other times it strolls past, in no rush
With all at ease.
But it is always moving forward.
Changing.
Even when we don’t.
Especially when we don’t.
Time keeps moving.
It truly waits for no one
It doesn’t check or looks back
To see if you’re following or keeping up
It doesn’t shout back and tells you to hurry up.
Time is it’s own master

And you can either be it’s slave
Or it’s partner

It feels no pity for you
It doesn’t share in your joy when you make it
It doesn’t get angry when you ask it to wait or slow down
Time is determined
It is disciplined
It is silent in its dominance
It knows nothing of excuses or procrastination
It changes days and seasons
It moves with purpose and answers to no one
Time has no attachments
It does not love
It does not own
It does not desire
And in that lies it’s power.

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BEING INTENTIONAL

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WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE INTENTIONAL?

When I searched the meaning of the word ‘intentional,’ I found the following definition;
‘done on purpose’ or ‘deliberate.’
The word ‘purpose’ means ‘the reason for doing something.’
So overall, the word intentional means there is a specific reason you do what you do. There is a particular outcome you desire, something you want to see or achieve through your actions, thoughts, and words daily.
I’ve been thinking of my intentions lately, why I do what I do every day, even the simple or mundane things. Why do I clean our home, do laundry, binge-watch series, or eat certain things? Then I realised that some of the everyday things I do sometimes don’t have any purpose. Sometimes, I do it because it’s my excuse not to do what I’m supposed to be doing, for example, watching a series when I should be working on my novel. Those things are not intentional; they are easy. I do it because I am programmed to do it through years of doing the same thing every day.
When I write or share something on my blog or podcast, I don’t just do it because I am programmed to do it. I do it to inspire and motivate others or to share a relatable part of my life so that others might feel seen or heard and less alone. That is the purpose, the intention of my writing.

QUESTIONS ABOUT MY INTENTIONS

Then I asked myself how many things I do that are intentional or have a purpose. The answer was few, which made me sad and a little bit angry at myself.
I want to go through life with a purpose and a clear direction for my life. I want my life to mean something. I want my work to mean something. At the end of my life, I want to know that I have fulfilled what God put me here to do. I want to be more intentional about my thoughts, actions, and words, whether written or spoken. I want it to bring life to others.

HOW TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL

The question then came to me: What can I do or what should I do if I want to be more intentional? It’s certainly not easy because being intentional requires doing the work. It takes renewing your mind and changing old habits into new habits. However, it is not impossible.
For one, whenever you experience a negative thought creeping into your mind, you stop before it overtakes you and switch to the more upbeat, life-giving alternative. Give your thoughts purpose. When you want to watch a third consecutive episode of the current series you’re watching, stop and ask yourself, is there a reason for this? Will this help me fulfill my purpose? What can I do instead?
Write, create art, call a friend or family member and check in, go for a walk and clear your mind, pray, or read. Simple things like that can awaken a part of you that you thought had died long ago.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. When Ruth went out to work in the fields, Naomi realised that the land belonged to Boaz. Later in the story, Naomi instructs Ruth to go to the threshing floor so that she may find a husband and a new home. There was purpose in Naomi’s actions, and there was intention. Eventually, that filtered down through the rest of history.

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YOU STILL HAVE A PURPOSE

I’d like to believe that when we wake in the morning, God still has a purpose for our lives, which means we have no choice but to be intentional about who we are and what we do. God himself was intentional when He created us. Knowing that should give us enthusiasm for the day ahead and excitement to fulfill that purpose. It should make us curious about what life offers so that when we lay our heads down at night, exhausted but fulfilled, we know we have completed what God has called us to do.
Every single day we have on this earth is a gift. We don’t get the same day twice, and time moves swiftly.
Let’s be intentional about how we use the time we have.

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Submarine, Titanic, Ocean, Oceangate

SUBMARINE

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I never imagined going down 13 thousand feet into the ocean,
cold and dark all around, trapped in a small space with only four other souls.
Claustrophobia and anxiety heightened.
Yet here I am, I walked right through the gate of the ocean.
Slowly running out of air, knowing each breath, I take is bringing me to my last.
Not knowing what day it is, not knowing what is happening in the world above.
Should I keep fighting? Should I preserve my energy?
Should I pray for a quick death?
Is someone coming? Are they close?
There is total blackness.
Just total blackness.
Life, death, and air are swimming around me; only one is within reach.
The faces of the others staring back at me; who will go first?
Who will be the one to consume the very last bit of oxygen?
Billions of dollars made and spent over a lifetime, only to die alone at the bottom of the ocean.
I think about this on the surface, making me realize that life must be better navigated.
What will they find when they finally reach us?
Our decomposed vessels? An empty submarine? Or nothing at all.
Our story is forever anchored to history’s most extraordinary and tragic sunken ship.

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