Kimberly Fray

Silhouette of a mother lifting her child at a sunset beach, capturing warmth and love.

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF MAMA

/

Yes, it’s been a while since I wrote something on this platform but something happened recently that really broke my heart.

My daughter is signed to an agency for adverts and the like and we recently attended a casting call for her to do an audition for an ad; she was so positive and excited on our way to the venue.

When we arrived, there were already a long line of young girls preparing for the audition. We signed the forms and sat down in the waiting room.

Then I noticed another young girl come in the waiting room; she had done her audition and she left with her mom. She was a beautiful girl, with long black curls and neatly dressed. I immediately saw my daughter’s face change. And then all of a sudden, she said to me “I don’t want to do the audition anymore” I asked her why and she just shook her head. Gently I insisted she tell me why she didn’t want to do it anymore and her words broke my heart.

“I don’t feel pretty”

Taking a step back and holding back my tears, I knew she had compared herself to the girl we saw a few minutes ago. I leaned forward and tried to encourage her; telling her she’s beautiful and she should do the audition and go in there with a positive attitude.

I’m not sure if it worked but she did the audition. When we were done; she told she didn’t want the role and then as we walked out; she told me how some of the other girls were not talking to her as they sat and waited and how she felt like an outsider being ignored. My child cried and I had to work really hard not to cry too and be her mother.

My heart was so hurt though; not only because she felt ignored by the other girls but because she is only 11 years old and already, she is struggling with self-esteem issues; feeling insecure and comparing herself to other girls.

She’s going through things that I don’t think little girls should be experiencing.

I spoke to her afterwards and tried my best to encourage her not to compare herself to others, that each girl is different and that we all come from different backgrounds. I wanted her to know that she is a beautiful, beautiful girl, inside and out.

Then I took a moment and realised; she must have picked up that insecurity from me. I am that person that compares myself and I struggle with insecurity; as I think most of us do; man or woman. She must have heard me a few times speak ill of myself or say something that indicated that I am not good enough for something and my mama heart is sore that she’s adopted that same thinking.

There’s nothing I want more for my children than being the best version of themselves. I want them to believe in who God created them to be; I want them to experience all the best in life and I want them to love who they are.

I’ve learned and I keep learning that our children do not do what we say. They do what we do. They may even start speaking the same as we do. The culture we create in our homes as parents has a direct impact on who our children become.

But I want to speak to moms especially; we are women before we are mothers and I’d like to gently encourage us to be kinder to ourselves as women. Our kids are watching us; whether they’re boys or girls; they are watching how we speak about ourselves, how we carry ourselves; how we deal with difficult situations and they learn from us through it all.

Be kind to yourself.

Be gentle with yourself.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF MAMA Read More »

woman, solitude, sadness, emotions, young woman, only, night, person, sad, black and white, unhappy, desperate, despair, gray night, sadness, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad-1958723.jpg

WHAT OF A WOMAN

/

What was it about my belly swelling with new life,

that made you take life from me?

What was it about my love for my child

that made you want to erase her from the world?

What was it about the song in the trees that

made you want to hang me from their branches?

What was it about the sway in my hips

that made you think you own me?

What was it about the tremor in my voice when I said ‘no’

that made you hear ‘yes’

What was it about the joy in my laughter or the curve in my smile,

that made you beat me into silence?

What was it about my soft hair and silky skin,

that made you want to drive a knife through my chest?

What was it about the power in my bosom,

that made you hunt me like prey?

What was it about me as a woman,

that made you feel like less of a man?

Tell me, what was it?

WHAT OF A WOMAN Read More »

THESE FEET WERE MADE FOR WALKING

/

A BROKEN FOOT

Have you ever thought about how important your feet are? Strange introduction but stay with me. I feel very vulnerable putting my poor feet on the internet like this but anyway, here we go.
I’ve had five weeks to ponder this thought, about how important our feet are. I broke my foot and ended up being in a cast for 4 weeks and then I’ll be stuck in a moon boot for another 6 weeks.
I had surgery to repair the broken bone – I had what you call a lisfranc injury and I now have two screws in my right foot to get it all better.
I’ll have to have another surgery next year sometime to remove the screws so recovery to get back to my usual busy, up and down self, is going to take some time.


I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things since the injury; I was booked off from work so I’ve been at home in my cast and using crutches to get around – it’s been one of the most inconvenient experiences of my life.
I never realised before how important my feet are and the use of my feet. It’s one of those things that we take for granted when we’re blessed to have both feet or legs working fully.
Now, I’m not going to compare my experience with people who have had amputations or who were born without the use of their limbs or anything of that sort – I’m simply telling my story.
The last time I broke a part of my body I was probably 7 years old I think; I broke my arm when I was running around in our yard with our two big dogs, Jack and Jill. They were Boerboels and as I fell one of them accidently stepped on my arm; at least that’s how I remember it. I also remember my bone sticking out of my arm and being in hospital and going into theatre and seeing the bright theatre light above my head just before I went under.
As a child, that experience wasn’t inconvenient because I was spoiled and looked after and I got toys and all the snacks and sweets I wanted.
As an adult, breaking my foot, was not so great.
I am a mom of two and a wife and business owner and I also have a full time job so usually I am always on my feet, doing things. The kids need to go to dance class; the house needs to be cleaned, food needs to be made, admin needs to be completed.
But with my foot being broken, most days and especially the first few weeks of recovery; I was stuck in bed or the couch with my foot propped up on pillows. I was also in a lot of pain and the pain meds were my saving grace but the effect of that was that It made me drowsy and I would end up sleeping most of the day.

This has been my life for the last few weeks.

Fast forward 5 weeks later and I am super restless; I am ready to go back to work and ready to get this cast of my leg but I am also ready to have a few honest conversations with myself.
Nothing like being stuck at home, unable to move around as usual to get you to come face to face with yourself.
So the initial idea was that while I am stuck at home, unable to be up and down; I would write and finish another book or work on some new ideas or be productive because I’m a writer and its not like I need my foot to write, right?
Well, none of that happened. In fact, this is the first substantial piece of writing I’ve released in weeks.
My mind and my brain were sucked dry of its creative coffers.
What I have been doing is eating, sleeping, binge-watching and falling asleep after taking a cocktail of prescribed pain medications.
I’m not proud of it but I am okay with it.
Sometimes we do pressure ourselves to perform while our minds and our bodies are not in the right place.
Many people have told me that maybe this injury was God’s way of telling me to slow down and slow down I did indeed.
But I finally came back to myself.
I can feel it as I’m writing this.
What I do pay attention to now however is feet – I’ve been watching how people walk; how some move their hips from left to right and use their arms while others don’t.
I’ve noticed how people walk with confidence or with a shy demeanour; hoping no one else sees them.
Are some people rushing or taking their time?
Do they take small steps or large ones?
What shoes are they wearing?
Have they had surgery which affected their gait?
I think about that.
I wonder if I will walk ‘normally’ after I am fully recovered or if I will always be slightly anxious now moving forward?
Will I be more appreciative of my body in its entirety?
Most certainly.
Something else that I have been pondering on is how fragile the human body is. Every single day, we leave our homes not knowing how our day will end up.

In fact, let me tell you how I broke my foot in the first place.

A FALL

I was sitting peacefully in my house watching Teen Wolf. I was expecting a visit from my brother and I remembered our car garage was open. I wanted to close it because its untidy and I didn’t want him to see the mess ( hides face) So I walk out my house, I don’t end up closing the garage because I couldn’t reach the handle ( I’m pretty short ) – I give up and decide to leave it and as I am walking back into the small gate into my yard; I miss a step and fall.
The pain was excruciating; at some point after my brother arrived and found me on the ground; I passed out because the pain was so bad. I didn’t even know I broke my foot until a week later when I was sent for an MRI and the surgeon told me it was broken. That was on the 15th of September. I had surgery the very next day.
Anyway, that was five weeks ago – I’m much better now.


Where was I? Oh yes!
We don’t know how our day is going to end up when we wake up in the morning; we don’t know if we’re going to make it home by the end of the day. We don’t know if we’re going to break a leg or an arm or if we’re going to lose someone we dearly love.
This is something that has also been running around in my head.
Appreciate your loved ones and take care of yourself. Physically and mentally.
So its not like I have been sitting here at home not doing anything; I’ve been thinking. All the thoughts just decided to come out today.
Life continued as normal for other people while I was indisposed and that also made me think.
As much as work and responsibilities are important and necessary; you shouldn’t let it consume you and take over your life.
We’ve all heard the saying that you can be replaced at your workplace in an instant if you’re no longer there and its true. Not that I’ve been replaced but I have been able to spend a lot of time with my kids over these last few weeks and it’s been such a blessed time for me, even though I haven’t been able to cook or clean for them but I have been able to be there for them. To be present.
And like I mentioned earlier; I’ve also had to come face to face with myself – I’ve had to take note of the things I don’t like about myself; the things I can fix with simple lifestyle changes. The things I can only leave in God’s hands and also the things I need to let go off. Something that I’ve had to admit to myself as well as is that I may also have become slightly lazy. I’m cringing just writing that out but its true. As much as I’ve been unable to walk and be my usual busy self; I think the laziness started creeping in before I hurt myself and the injury sort of solidified it and gave me a reason to give in to it.

Here you can see the x-ray which shows the screws in my foot

A MIRACLE

I did experience a miracle during this time of being stuck at home. On one of the rare occasions of me leaving the house; I attended a church service with my husband and two friends.
It was a great service with a prophet from the United States giving us the word. After he was done; many people went to him so that he may speak or prophesy over them.
While I was sitting on the steps watching this; the pastor whose church we were visiting came and laid hands on my injured foot and let me tell you, I felt the power of God.
I had been struggling with pain that whole night because usually the pain gets worse at night, I think it has something to do with the cold but when he laid hands on me; it was like a soft breeze overcame me and the pain just vanished, just like that. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Not even the pain meds I am on can do that.
I was able to walk on the foot right after that and even though I continued to wear the cast after that and not immediately remove it, what I felt God was saying to me that night was ‘I AM’
God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can even think to ask of Him and I believe He was reminding me to trust Him and just showing off His power a bit.
I want to be better. I want to be stronger and healthier. I want to spend more time in God’s presence because if I’m honest; during this time since breaking my foot, I have been neglecting my prayer life and I think its because I’ve been so consumed by the problems that I forgot to look to the person who holds all the solutions.
What I do know is this; once I am recovered and even throughout the next few months of recovery; I want to take in everything. I want to feel the sun; I want to read more and write more. I want to achieve more. I want to walk more.
Besides, these feet were made for walking.

THESE FEET WERE MADE FOR WALKING Read More »

love, kindness

KINDNESS IS A CURRENCY

/

Life can be harsh. Harsh is not even the correct word to use. It can be excruciating, exhausting, desperate. We are constantly drenched in uncomfortable and testing situations. We all know the saying ‘be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about’ , but what that saying doesn’t mention is that every day, people are fighting battles, but they are also losing battles. Not every day is a winning day. Not every day is a beautiful, joyful day. As humans, we are put to the test every single day. Not all tests are the same, and not everyone goes through the same thing. One might think your situation is less traumatic than someone else’s, but who knows how you are affected by what you are going through compared to another person?

There should be no comparison. Only compassion.


There are days when you can’t get out of bed, days when the lump in your throat constricts you from speaking, or when you are working extra hard just not to cry because you are feeling downright sad. Our minds are a battlefield, and sometimes we find ourselves behind enemy lines.

And that’s okay, we are allowed to feel sad. We can’t win every day, we can’t be strong every day.
Every day I come across stories of people who are suffering; it’s death and poverty and it’s loneliness and it’s hurt and pain and confusion and loss and grief – I am surrounded by it every day. There are days where I ask God, ‘Why do all these bad things happen? Why do mothers kill their children and why are there wars ? Why do people in power take advantage of the very people they are meant to work for and protect? What is the point of all of it?

We must be kind, always be kind and compassionate, but also have emotional intelligence. We must understand that sometimes, when someone is treating us in an unkind manner, they might be fighting that day to keep their heads above water. It might not always be the case, but let love lead, and the rest will follow.
Kindness is a currency. Today might be the day that you can be a shoulder for someone, and tomorrow, you might need them.

kindness, chalk, handwritten, word, handwriting, message, kind, drawing, positive, expression, kindness, kindness, kindness, kindness, kindness, kind-1197351.jpg


Life is simple when we focus on small acts of kindness.

A kind word or deed, like paying for someone’s

Lunch or offering a listening ear.

Giving someone a warm hug when you can see they need it or

Holding a mother’s baby while she takes a breath.

Simple things, not so?

But your heart has to be in it. It has to be sincere and honest,

Without any expectation in return.

It’s doing what we can to make another person’s life easier

KINDNESS IS A CURRENCY Read More »

girl, balloons, child, happy, out, freedom, person, human, female, meadow, joy, joy of life, run, jump, race, tumblr wallpaper, girl, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, joy-1357485.jpg

ALLOW ME TO BE A WOMAN

/

Allow me to be a woman today.
Allow me to rest in my bed under my soft covers
and stretch my aching body,
Allow me to be a woman today.
To stand underneath the showerhead for as long as I need,
letting the warm water flow over the valleys of my body.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Allow me to be a woman today,
to sit at a table and eat what I like, how much I want,
enjoying the texture and the taste on my tongue
without worrying about the calories that will probably rest on my hips.
Allow me to be a woman today,
picking flowers in the garden just because I like the way they look,
Or I enjoy the scent.
Allow me to be a woman today, to lie down in the grass,
stare up at the sky. Butterflies overhead, clouds playing in the heavens.
Allow me to be a woman today, to run barefoot in fields of wildflowers,
to be free and playful with childlike abandon.
Allow me to be a woman today,
not a mother or a wife
Not a baddie or an exec.
Allow me to be a woman today, to dress up,
put on nice shoes, fix my hair,
touch up my makeup,
Allow me to show up for myself on my own terms.
Allow me a simple moment;
to breathe and to exist,
to feel and to appreciate
without the rush of being the next
thing for the next person.
Allow me to be a woman today.
Without fear and worry that I might be in danger,
Allow me to be a woman simply because that is what I am.
Allow me to be a woman today, to laugh relentlessly at the small things
Whether you understand them or not,
and without it being a measure of my IQ.
Allow me to be a woman today. To be soft and feminine and loved.
Allow me to be a woman today,
And then tomorrow, I’ll be a warrior.

ALLOW ME TO BE A WOMAN Read More »

CAKE, IDIOM

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

/

They say too much of a good thing
Is bad for you but
is also not too much of a bad
Thing good for you?
Until you are
So far so good?
Like killing two birds
With one stone
And eventually finding yourself
Between a rock and a hard place
And accepting that some stones
Should be left unturned.
Because birds of a feather
Flock together
But then you find yourself
Walking on eggshells
And crying over spilt milk

The thing is,
You can have your cake
And eat it too but
Be careful not to bite off
More than you can chew.
You might end up burning bridges
And everything you know
Will go up in flames

Sometimes, we just need to
Bite the bullet,
Through thick and thin
There is always a light at the end of
The tunnel
Or maybe its just the reflection
Of the silver lining
But beating a dead horse
Will never help to address
The elephant in the room
And that is the truth
In a nutshell
Right from the horses mouth.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE Read More »

calligraphy, story, ink, feather, a book, vintage, old, wood, fairy tale, author, writer, diary, story, story, story, story, author, author, writer, writer, writer, writer, writer, diary-7188024.jpg

ART IS FREEDOM

/

The pen is your weapon
Don’t doubt yourself
Stop trying to please the world
Your art will never be for everyone
That is where the freedom lies
In whichever way it comes
It’s meant to be different
It’s intended to exist in a world
Where colours are rare and
shapes are strange
Don’t be afraid to let your writing speak
Whether in poetry, novels, or in simple
Journal entries,
Let it reflect the times in which
You find yourself
Explore through prose how you felt at a certain
Point in your life and
how the wind kissed your skin
Let the memories flow out of your fingertips
Allow it to seep into the page
Let it soak the edges and doodle the margins
Art is meant to make you feel different.
It’s intended to make you experience things that have no
Words yet so that you,
the writer can give it a name
Just like when God gave Adam power in the beginning
To name the animals and plants and everything around him
You have the power to create
Art is freedom
It can set you free
It makes noise and colours outside the lines
Art is wild
But it cannot roam free if its
Caged in your mind
It is love and passion
Your ink
It will never run dry or fade
Your pages will never run out
And your stories will never end
Artists are the authors of history.
Art is freedom
You are art
You are free
Some dance it out
Others play it loud
Some paint and draw it
With lines and colours and then
There are those of us who write.
Those who play with words and create
New meaning simply by rearranging
a sentence or two
Art is love
Art sits on the floor and plays
In the dirt
It looks up at the stars,
Makes shapes in the clouds
And smiles at the moon
Art cries in the rain
And dances in the sun.

ai generated, woman, dance, beauty, freedom, rain, girl, clock, time, nature, timepiece, antique, nostalgia-8482007.jpg

ART IS FREEDOM Read More »

girl, sitting, jetty, docks, boardwalk, young woman, female, sad, nature, alone, lonely, solitude, solitary, outdoors, sea, sad girl, peaceful, silhouette, sunrise, sunset, teenager, water, woman-1822702.jpg

TO THE MEN WHO MADE ME CRY

/

I’m writing to you with a broken heart and bloodshot eyes

You had many reasons to justify why I was wrong and maybe you were right;

I’m too emotional, I’m too needy, I overthink too much, I’m just too much…

You were all different but somehow your reasons were all the same.

It made me wonder and maybe even believe that I was the problem.

I sit in a dark, cold room; my eyes soaked with tears, typing this out in the hopes that all the feelings I might still have for any of you will leave my heart and only live on in this letter.

I loved you, all of you.

In different ways but somehow still the same

I loved you desperately.

I loved you to the point where I was willing to change who I was and who I am just so that you could be more comfortable.

I told myself to speak less or make sure I said the right things so that you could compliment me on my intellect or on the way I spoke. Maybe if I sounded smarter, you would take me more seriously.

“Don’t cry so much, pretend to be tough and not so emotional. Don’t show him it bothers you ” I would say

Don’t be so needy;

don’t touch him unless he touches you first,

don’t kiss him if he doesn’t initiate,

and don’t hold his hand in public, you know he doesn’t like it.

Don’t show him it bothers you.

Dress nice, for him.

Show some skin.

Show less skin.

Be sexy.

Be coy.

Listen when he speaks.

Take his advice on everything,

He is smarter than you are anyway.

Be less.

Make yourself smaller.

And on and on it would go.

You all made me cry and none of you gave it a second thought.

You took a bit of my essence, piece by piece;

you filled yourself up with me;

moaning and groaning in my ear when all I wanted to hear was

I love you.

I see you.

I will cry it all out here in this dark room,

In the hopes that when I wake in the morning I will be cured of my stupidity and naivety.

You hurt me. All of you.

And yet, I still reached out

While you continued to throw rocks at me.

You continue to make me shed tears to the point that my eyes are flooded and I can no longer see the screen in front of me.

I thought I had no more tears left to cry but my own heart lied to me.

I am hoping that this will be the last.

I will not do this again.

Hurt myself,

Over

And over

And over

Again.

How do so many different men have the unique ability to make one person feel so undeserving of love?

How do you become part of such a brotherhood?

You speak to me with such contempt.

You wear your arrogance like a badge.

It is not in my nature to hold grudges,

I have forgiven you all long ago but I can’t help but wonder;

Were my lips so bitter pressed against yours that you can now no longer say a kind word to me?

Was I such a horrific sight in your eyes that you can now no longer look at me without disgust?

Was the love I shared with you so terrible that the memory of me in your life now detests you?

What was so appalling about me

that you had to treat me like yesterday’s trash?

To the men who made me cry,

I sincerely do not wish you ill; I pray peace over you but I also thank you;

because now I can tell the difference between real love and

what you made me believe was love.

And it is certainly not the same thing.

TO THE MEN WHO MADE ME CRY Read More »

sympathy card, floral background, background, condolences, sorrow, commemorate, funeral, farewell, flower, trauerkarte, nature, dandelion, drawing, grief-7560576.jpg

GRIEVE SO THAT YOU MAY GROW

/

It’s okay to grieve for a life that you thought you would live.
Death comes in many different forms, not only the death of a loved one but also the death of a dream or the death of a certain path you wanted to take but, things turned out differently.
The Bible says that man may make his plans, but God directs our steps, and that’s exactly what we’re taught in this instance.
Sometimes, the death of your dream is the birth of God’s plan for your life and His plans are always bigger and greater than what we can imagine.
But still, it’s okay to grieve.
To grieve is to show that you loved and cared for something that is now lost but,

not everything that is lost is a loss.

So go through the feelings and the emotions.
Feel the pain, but then surrender your thinking and understanding, and let God take control. He knows better and loves us too much to let us live below our potential, power, and the calling He has placed within us.

Grieve so that you can grow.

GRIEVE SO THAT YOU MAY GROW Read More »

ai generated, woman, alone, walking, night, alley, scared, stalker, lonely, danger, fear, girl, dark, street, vulnerable, city, anxiety, urban, threat, silhouette, tension, creepy, insecure, suspicious-9055462.jpg

AVOID

/

I avoid eye contact
Maybe if I don’t look at him
He won’t see me, and if he doesn’t see me
He can’t hurt me

I avoid sitting too close on the bus
Maybe if I’m not too close
I won’t entice

I avoid a friendly and polite smile
Maybe if I don’t smile
He won’t tell people that I asked for it

I avoid walking on the same side of the street
Maybe if I am a distance away
I’ll have a chance if I run

I avoid asking for help
Maybe if I come across as strong and capable
I won’t seem like an easy target

I avoid saying hello
Maybe if he doesn’t hear my voice
He won’t imagine what I sound like screaming

I avoid going out at night
Maybe the light of day will keep me safe

I avoid being alone with him
in the hopes that a witness will be able to
tell my story

I avoid him at all costs
Maybe I keep to myself
I’ll live another day

AVOID Read More »