Ego will make you forget your gift. It will make you doubt if you even have one. It will make you chase and covert for someone else’s portion. Ego will make you place self-importance on yourself that doesn’t exist and get upset when no one else sees it. Ego will make you lose your identity because you’ll be so busy trying to be someone you’re not. It will depress you because you’ll end up unhappy in your skin. Ego will make you chase after praise and adoration while you forget to praise and adore the One who made you. Ego will feed you false confidence while serving you a buffet of insecurity.
Ego will make you want to quit the fight and then kick you once you’re down. Ego will tell you that you’re not good enough while you’re doing what you’ve been called for.
It will harden your heart and build walls around you with bricks named; “I don’t need help” “I can do it on my own” “I don’t need anyone else”
Ego will leave you lonely and isolated, with your nose turned up toward those who try to break down those very walls.
The ego is not your friend. It’s the lie we tell ourselves when we look in the mirror and say, “That’s just who I am”
Death is so sudden. We never know when it’s going to visit us. Whether directly or indirectly. I was watching a video of someone who had just lost a loved one and he said that it was so sudden, no one expected this person to die. He had spoken to this person just the day before and there was no indication of sickness whatsoever and now she was gone.
Even when we know someone is at the end of their life, whether by old age or illness, we can’t always accept that they are about to leave us. And once they do, that void left behind is so palpable, so tangible.
So many people are experiencing loss lately. I see it everywhere.
I work in news and I see death on a daily basis. At times, I feel a bit disensititized and then I have to remind myself, that someone has lost a loved one and that it could have easily been me in that situation.
It’s strange though, before I lost my motherin 2020, I didn’t understand death or its impact but now, it’s as if I can feel everyone’s pain, everyone’s grief because it reminds me of my own.
Isn’t funny though, how something like death can be the thread that connects us?
Life is short and death is sudden. I don’t think we realize that any day can be our last. We are busy making plans for tomorrow but don’t know if tomorrow is on our calendar.
We haven’t accepted it. Our human minds can’t comprehend it.
I was watching a show and one of the characters delivered the following line:
We’ve all heard the saying, ‘Live each day as if it’s your last’ but what if we lived each day as if it were our first? Full of wonder and curiosity and joy, love and gratitude. Untainted by heartache, pain, loss, grief, anger, hate or unforgiveness. But rather as if we’re experiencing the world for the very first time. With a gentle approach, an open mind, and a receivingheart.
We don’t know when our last day on earth will be. All we have is today. You can choose how you spend it.
There are many things I wish I could have said to my mother before she died and sadly, we only realize these things afterwards but we still have many other loved ones we can cherish and appreciate.
Don’t waste it. Be kind, loving gentle, and compassionate. Be good.
Our behavior and actions are all we can control.
Death is out of our hands. How we live our life that has been gifted to us is all we have.
I used to be embarrassed and annoyed to stand by the bus stop and wait for the bus to arrive. But now I realize what a gift it is, I am closer to the earth, closer to people.
I can smell the putrid smell of urine and smoke. I can feel the thunder of the vehicles as they speed by. I can look people in their eyes as I make way for them to pass around me. I can see the doves pecking at some invisible piece of food left, probably by the vendor that sits at the same place every day, selling the same stale snacks and single cigarettes. I can feel the wind in my eyes and the small leaves from the tree above me, fall onto my head, like rain.
My senses are awake and I too am aware.
I see the sweet elderly couple marching past me, dressed in their Sunday best,
even though it’s a Wednesday afternoon.
I hear the non-stop blaring of the taxis as they race past me, trying to fill up their seats so they can fill up their bellies.
There’s a homeless man on a bicycle, risking traffic to cross the street, not at all confident in the two wheel transportation, which is probably the only thing he owns.
I see the people by the traffic lights, handing out pamphlets for a car wash or your next real estate that you simply must have. Their bucket hats drawn down low as the sun hits down on their backs.
The half torn pamphlets on the street poles tell a different story, messages of finding a lost lover and maybe possibly becoming a better lover yourself.
It makes me wonder how many people have dialed that number.
I see them, the people in their cars, sitting with their thoughts, probably daydreaming of a different place and time and it is here where they allow me to bring their stories to life.
Colourful, interesting, sometimes happy and sometimes sad. Neither here nor there.
What a privilege it is to see people as they are from where I stand.
I see my bus finally arrive, a little relieved and a little sad because now I have to stop telling their stories and go make my own.
I used to be embarrassed to wait for the bus stop but now I realize, sometimes, that’s exactly where I am supposed to be.
The evening lights whizzed past me in a blur, I stared out the window, watching the moon smile and follow the cab I was in. A cell phone rang in the front seat of the car but the driver didn’t answer. He ignored it and stared ahead. Mm, maybe someone was calling him who he was upset with but then my mind started racing.
What if? What if he murdered someone and the body is in the boot and the phone belongs to the person he killed??
I can’t believe I’m in a car with a total stranger?! Why do we check the number plate but never check what’s in the boot??
That’s what we do as people anyway. At least most of the time. We look at the outer of a person and don’t always investigate what is going on within.
And once we do, it’s almost always too late toturn back.
Just like we make a conscious decision to get into a cab with a total stranger, we make a conscious decision to get involved with someone we don’t know and then wonder how we ended up in the boot of a car. Decomposing in the back, with a phone showing a hundred missed calls.
Sometimes we get lucky and end up where we are supposed to: we say thank you for the memories and hope that the next time we get into another stranger’s car, the ride will be just as smooth.
Lessons in life will be taught, until they are learned.
Recently, my phone reset back to factory settings; I lost all my apps, my contacts, my photos, videos, my notes I made on my notepad, everything. The phone was completely emptied of anything that has ever represented me or anything to show who I am, what I hold dear and what I love and enjoy. Everything was gone.
Naturally, I was upset. How could years of data simply disappear without warning? I thought to myself, why does this have to happen to me?
Then it hit me.
You see, my phone and everything that was ever on it, was basically a part of me. I always have my phone in my hands. I have it on my side table next to our bed. I have it in hand when I go anywhere and everywhere. I am always scrolling on social media and my head is always down, looking at this small screen in my hand. My phone was my Bible.
It was during the hours that my phone was formatted and it was off; I had time to think and God was speaking to me – He basically told me in no uncertain terms, there will be no other gods before Him.
My phone was the one thing that I could not live without and if you read my previous blog post, you’d know that I have been struggling spiritually – I haven’t been able to read my Bible, to speak to God or just simply experience the Holy Spirit.
And now my phone basically crashes and I come to the realisation that I have been prioritising everything else above Jesus. I have been worshipping my phone, social media and everything else that comes with having this device.
The reason that I have been struggling in my relationship with God is simply because I have turned my back on Him and I have put other things before Him.
You might be reading this and rolling your eyes and thinking, ‘not another life lesson’ – that’s probably what I would do if I didn’t believe that God uses every opportunity and every experience to show Himself. This is what I know to be true and I know that anything that takes the place of Jesus in your life, is another form of worship- whether its your phone, your friends, your job or career. If God doesn’t take priority in your life, if He is not at the center of everything, that message will be made clear to you in some way, shape or form.
I have been making the mistake of picking up my phone in the morning, before I even open up my Bible. I like and laugh at videos on social media, before I even write or share something from the Bible. I read other people’s stories but don’t share my own testimony and truth be told, I have so much to share.
This is what I am doing by writing and sharing this post. I am testifying about what God has done for me over the past day and I hope to instill in you a sense of faith that God will show up for you exactly when you need it and hope that it doesn’t matter how far you fall, Jesus is always there. He is exactly where you left him, that as a child of God, He will always be there to guide you, to correct you and to lead you onto the right path. And the knowledge, that nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate us from the love of God.
God works in mysterious ways. I have been going through a season where I’ve been experiencing a spiritual drought; I’ve been struggling to pray. I haven’t read my Bible, I haven’t been speaking to God, and I haven’t been able to listen to worship music – I’ve been struggling and feeling so guilty. It’s been going on for weeks, but some light came through the darkness today. I went to church this morning, even though, at some point, I told myself I didn’t want to go. Remember how I said I haven’t been able to pray? Well, today, I prayed, and I cried. But let me start at our praise and worship rehearsal earlier in the week, on Thursday. I wasn’t myself; I couldn’t worship sincerely, and my heart, soul, and spirit weren’t there. Then, my husband asked me to pray at the rehearsal, which I did, but I wasn’t entirely in it. Now to Sunday, today—I was asked to pray at our pre-service prayer, and then I was asked to pray again when the actual service started to open. I almost found it comical, but I knew God was working. He put me in a public place where I had to pray for others and made me realize it wasn’t about me. The people who came to the service this morning needed a touch from Jesus, myself included, and the Lord gave me that by putting me in a position where I had to pray for others. It all brought me to tears throughout the entire Sunday service. At some point, I was on my knees, simply giving thanks to God for working in my life, bringing me back to His throne, and helping me find my way back to Him. I am not 100% okay yet, but the walls are definitely coming down. For now, for today, this is my testimony about what God did in my life today, and I am truly grateful.
PS: I have also been battling with my writing and my creativity. This is the first blog post I’ve shared in weeks, and I credit it all to Jesus. Another thing I am grateful for.
I did the one thing I’ve always wanted to do but it was also the one thing I was most afraid of doing and guess what? nothing happened. This is what I discovered when I recently published my first book. I’ve been holding on to the idea of being a published author, to have a book out in public and have people read it and now it is out there. I’ve conquered that fear and nothing happened.
There is nothing on the other side of fear; just life moving on swiftly. Children still need to go to school, dinner still has to be cooked, work still has to be done, laundry still has to be folded, the weather changes every other day. The sun rises and the sun sets and through all this, that one thing that you’ve been afraid to do, that one thing, and let’s be honest, not many people care about, is holding you hostage. So what do you do?
You do the one thing you’re afraid of doing and move on. Because in truth, the only one who you are truly afraid of judging you or criticizing you, is you.
We are our own true enemies of progress.
If I think about it and maybe I am only speaking for myself but maybe we are not afraid of doing the thing that we are afraid of doing; publishing the book, releasing the song, traveling to that place or whatever it is that is keeping you hostage. Maybe we are afraid of making ourselves visible, telling and showing the world, “Hey, I’m out here!” because once you are out there, once you release something or do something or say something, there is a certain pressure on you to keep doing it. To keep delivering and what if you can’t deliver again? What then?
But the thing is, you are still you, you can still do it and you can do it again and again. Once you do it the first time, I suspect it gets easier from there. I’m not saying I will never feel fear again or that I won’t be afraid to try new things again, I’m simply saying that once you get on the other side of it, you’ll see it wasn’t so scary after all.
So here is my advice; do the thing you are most afraid of doing. Once you jump off that metaphorical cliff, you’ll realise you were actually just two feet from the ground.
I have decided to set some goals for myself which I’ve dubbed Soul Goals. These are the goals that will feed my soul and my spirit and create inner peace and healing. I think as much as we want external success in terms of our careers and families and financial state, having inner success is much more important and can actually contribute to the external goals and successes. I think there is also less pressure to showcase these soul goals but its equally important that you work on it every single day.
One way I have found to work on it, is to journal; to write down everything about my day. The good and the bad and see where I’ve achieved these special goals.
So here are a few of my personal soul goals. I will probably add to it as time goes on.
Be present in every moment and take in everything around you; the sun, sky, flowers, sounds and smells
Listen more intently
Be more loving
Be kinder
Visit new places
Be more positive
Journal more
Spend more time in God’s presence
Write and read more poetry
Rest when necessary
Take more pictures and more videos
Take more walks
Appreciate every single day, find the good in every day
Forgive yourself
Smile more; at loved ones and at strangers
Play more games
Appreciate your own physical self; take care of your health
Love yourself – You are wonderfully and fearfully made
Let go of the guilt
Don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself and doing things that you enjoy
Stop rushing through every day, walk slower, breath slower
These might seem insignificant when others have bigger goals of buying cars and homes and growing in their careers, which are all amazing and I too have some of those goals but I have felt lately that I have neglected my inner being, my inner child and I’m hoping by working on these soul goals, I will be able to achieve more peace within my spirit and take care of the inner self.
I don’t want to pretend that I am not exhausted or that my body doesn’t feel like it is giving in. I’ve had a very long yearbut, at the same time, a very short year. There have been some disappointments, heartaches, and frustrating moments throughout this year, and it has all come to a head and I don’t want to undermine the fact that it has been overwhelming. I don’t want to fake excitement going into the new year; I don’t want to pretend that I have it all figured out. I am exhausted and I don’t have a solid plan yet. I simply don’t have the energy. Many of us are struggling with the same thing. Still, we have created this culture of having to be so up and ready for the new year. To be excited, make resolutions and goals for the new year, the next phase of our lives, but I’m sure that it is okay to go into the new year in the current phase or state that you’re in. If you are tired, sad, exhausted, frustrated, or feeling a myriad of emotions, there is genuinely no pressure for you to get rid of it before the clock strikes 12 on January 1st. There is no pressure. God will still be there on the other side. He will still be there to help you get through it. Whether that is now or next year, it’s okay to go into the new year feeling like you do.
Just as you enter the new year, give it all to God and leave it all in His hands. He requires us to not lean on our understandingor rushing to plan our lives to a T and write down goals. Don’t get me wrong, I am not discouraging planning your life or your year. If you don’t achieve or haven’t completed all you set out to do, it’s okay.
Don’t carry that disappointment of unachieved goals so heavily that you crucify yourself and feel completely hopeless. There is still hope for those who have reached our limits and are running on empty. I have rested, spent a few days with family, lazed around, laughed, and played games, but I’m still tired. Not all of my exhaustion suddenly disappeared, and not all of my ill feelings have been dealt with, which is fine. I hope you can enter the new year, knowing that whatever you feel, it is okay to feel that way. There is no pressure to do things immediately and hurriedly. There is a quote I love that says;
“I may not know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future” You’ve done your best; now let God do the rest.
Have you ever had someone look at you Like you were the sun? Beautiful and fiery. Passionate and addictive. Our love was fast and hard. Explosive and tender. It erased who we thought we were and made us new. It made us one. It connected us, vessel to vessel. I am reaching out, and I fit perfectly. I think of him, and I no longer feel alone. We are one. I am a part of him, and he is a part of me. Not only through physical intimacy, but our souls, our minds and our hearts embedded onto the blueprint of the other. Although a comfortable pace and routine remain now, the fire still burns. I feel it. I know he does, too. I don’t need him to live and breathe. He breathes life into my spirit. He does not define me. My heart’s love for him is defined by who he is. Knowing he is living and breathing on this planet, even apart, makes me feel safe. It makes me feel that all is right in this world. He is the moon to my stars. The sky to my sun. Magnificent apart But Exceptionally wonderful together.
