Kimberly Fray, Author at WordsINVerse

YOU DID YOUR BEST

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 28, 2023 Dec 28, 2023

I don’t want to pretend that I am not exhausted or that my body doesn’t feel like it is giving in. I’ve had a very long year but, at the same time, a very short year. There have been some disappointments, heartaches, and frustrating moments throughout this year, and it has all come to a head and I don’t want to undermine the fact that it has been overwhelming. I don’t want to fake excitement going into the new year; I don’t want to pretend that I have it all figured out. I am exhausted and I don’t have a solid plan yet. I simply don’t have the energy.
Many of us are struggling with the same thing. Still, we have created this culture of having to be so up and ready for the new year. To be excited, make resolutions and goals for the new year, the next phase of our lives, but I’m sure that it is okay to go into the new year in the current phase or state that you’re in.
If you are tired, sad, exhausted, frustrated, or feeling a myriad of emotions, there is genuinely no pressure for you to get rid of it before the clock strikes 12 on January 1st. There is no pressure. God will still be there on the other side. He will still be there to help you get through it. Whether that is now or next year, it’s okay to go into the new year feeling like you do.

Just as you enter the new year, give it all to God and leave it all in His hands. He requires us to not lean on our understanding or rushing to plan our lives to a T and write down goals. Don’t get me wrong, I am not discouraging planning your life or your year. If you don’t achieve or haven’t completed all you set out to do, it’s okay.

Don’t carry that disappointment of unachieved goals so heavily that you crucify yourself and feel completely hopeless. There is still hope for those who have reached our limits and are running on empty.
I have rested, spent a few days with family, lazed around, laughed, and played games, but I’m still tired. Not all of my exhaustion suddenly disappeared, and not all of my ill feelings have been dealt with, which is fine.
I hope you can enter the new year, knowing that whatever you feel, it is okay to feel that way. There is no pressure to do things immediately and hurriedly. There is a quote I love that says;

“I may not know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future”
You’ve done your best; now let God do the rest.

A LOVE LIKE THIS

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 17, 2023 Dec 17, 2023

Have you ever had someone look at you
Like you were the sun?
Beautiful and fiery.
Passionate and addictive.
Our love was fast and hard.
Explosive and tender.
It erased who we thought we were and made us new.
It made us one.
It connected us, vessel to vessel.
I am reaching out, and I fit perfectly.
I think of him, and I no longer feel alone.
We are one. I am a part of him, and he is a part of me.
Not only through physical intimacy,
but our souls, our minds and our hearts
embedded onto the blueprint of the other.
Although a comfortable pace and routine remain now,
the fire still burns.
I feel it. I know he does, too.
I don’t need him to live and breathe.
He breathes life into my spirit.
He does not define me.
My heart’s love for him is defined by who he is.
Knowing he is living and breathing on this planet,
even apart, makes me feel safe.
It makes me feel that all is right in this world.
He is the moon to my stars.
The sky to my sun.
Magnificent apart
But
Exceptionally wonderful together.
K.Fray
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PEACE, SPRINKLED WITH A LITTLE GRIEF

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 12, 2023 Dec 12, 2023

I miss my mother and I think I’ve missed her the most this year, this is excluding the year she died. I think it’s because so many big things have happened to me and our family during the last 3 years since her death and there is just something about the number three that brings things together or bringing everything into completion and maybe that’s why I miss her so much this year. More so now that the year is coming to an end. It’s like I’ve experienced a trinity of grief and joy and success and exhaustion to the point where I just want my mother’s embrace but I can’t have it. I can’t go to my mother and release my tension. I can’t have her stroke my head or lay on her lap or hear her voice. These are all things I’ve desperately needed over the last few years and I’ve been deprived and it hurts. It will probably always ache as I continue to grow and evolve as a person.

In the last three years I got married, started a business with my husband, got promoted, performed on two big stages, acted in a short movie, did an interview on radio, performed a poem on live television, cut my hair, gained weight, moved homes three times, started a podcast, joined ministries at church, discussed one of my poems with a group of strangers, opened up about sexual abuse, cried, laughed, screamed, hurt, felt incredible joy and debilitating exhaustion…so much has happened and yet it feels not enough has happened…and all I’ve mostly wanted during all of this was my mother and to be a child again.

We don’t always realise that we still live with the grief long after we have experienced the loss. It hits us at the most inopportune times and its not something that ever disappears. No one person’s grief experience is the same and its unfair to compare it. The only thing to do is to remember we are all hurting, we are all mourning a loss; whether its a person or an opportunity or a missed conversation. We are all in mourning.
I have experienced a labyrinth of emotions. I can’t even describe it as a rollercoaster of emotions because a rollercoaster has a beginning and an end; it has a pattern, despite the highs and lows, you know it will come to a head but what I’ve experienced or what I am experiencing is an endless sea…a never ending melting pot of everything. Don’t get me wrong; I am at peace. It’s just sprinkled with a little grief.

Whether its PTSD, burn out or emotional exhaustion, its been a lot to say the least. I have had to learn how to swim, to keep peddling and pushing against the current and the one thing that has become abundantly clear to me, the whole point of this post, is that I survived. I look back and I see all I achieved through the grace of God and I am grateful. Sometimes we tend to be so hard on ourselves; we put so much pressure on what we must achieve and what we need to do to be successful and we forget to count the small things and as the saying goes; the small things are usually the big things.

I looked back on the last three years and I can genuinely smile, knowing I’ve achieved and done things that I didn’t think I could.
It’s been turbulent and chaotic and frustrating and agonizing.
It’s been confusing and at times I’ve been left with more questions than answers.
I’ve been down on my knees in prayer, I’ve felt the spirit of God in my most vulnerable state and I’ve cried with the rain and it has all shown me that I’ve lived and that I continue to live

I hope you are able to look back on this year or the last few years of your life and be filled with gratitude and the knowledge that you too have lived.

TIME

By Kimberly Fray / Nov 5, 2023 Nov 5, 2023

Do you realize that time never stops?
It’s always moving.
Sometimes it flutters by like a butterfly
And other times it strolls past, in no rush
With all at ease.
But it is always moving forward.
Changing.
Even when we don’t.
Especially when we don’t.
Time keeps moving.
It truly waits for no one
It doesn’t check or looks back
To see if you’re following or keeping up
It doesn’t shout back and tells you to hurry up.
Time is it’s own master

And you can either be it’s slave
Or it’s partner

It feels no pity for you
It doesn’t share in your joy when you make it
It doesn’t get angry when you ask it to wait or slow down
Time is determined
It is disciplined
It is silent in its dominance
It knows nothing of excuses or procrastination
It changes days and seasons
It moves with purpose and answers to no one
Time has no attachments
It does not love
It does not own
It does not desire
And in that lies it’s power.

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NOTHING IS A COINCIDENCE

By Kimberly Fray / Oct 2, 2023 Oct 3, 2023

If you believe that you are working and walking in the will of God and if you believe that everything you are doing and experiencing is part of a bigger God-ordained plan for your life, then you must know that nothing is by chance.
Everything you’re doing and experiencing; the ladders you are climbing and the opportunities that are coming your way and every door that you walk through, every meeting you attend, every person you meet, every place where you find yourself, it is all part of God’s will and purpose for your life.
Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is by chance. Everything is anointed and should be treated as such.
If that is truly what you believe and what you know, then you should take nothing for granted.
You should set your mind on things above. You should treat every meeting, every person you come in contact with, every opportunity, and every level of access you acquire as if it is coming directly from above. Directly from God.
Because again, if you’re tapped into the vision God has given you and the messages from God, it most likely will come to pass and you need to make sure that you are always prepared.
For this reason, you always need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You always need to remember what the root core of everything that you are doing, is. You need to be in the Spirit at all times.
If you haven’t finished your mission, why are you asleep? Why are you wasting your own time?
Why are you not meditating on the Word or in the Spirit?
Why are you playing games?
Have you done what God has called you to do?
Are you really done?
Never mind what everyone else is doing; keep to your business unless God tells you to involve another.
Pray over everything.
Consult God about everything.
We are not merely here to live and then die.
We have a purpose and a mission and it’s our responsibility to pursue that.

Originally published in 2019 on my Medium platform

EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 27, 2023 Sep 27, 2023

Everything beautiful is what I desire
Walking on the beach, shoes in hand
A sunset or sunrise peeking over the horizon
Rainy days in a warm library
I smell old and lovely books before I even turn their pages
Long walks with no destination but everywhere to explore
Fields of wildflowers, long stretches of open land
And the purest of air I can breath
I desire to get away from the hustle and bustle
The concrete jungle, if you will
I want to create snow angels and see thousands of stars
Shine back at me as I lay on fresh-cut grass
The life I desire is simple
Close but somehow still out of reach
It is everything beautiful
Mountainous views that seem as if they reach right up to heaven
It is almost like it is God’s footstool
Everything Beautiful
Everything that brings peace, serenity, love and joy
That is what my heart desires.

BECOMING SELF-AWARE THROUGH THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 16, 2023 Sep 16, 2023

I woke up the other morning, irritated and grumpy because of a small insignificant matter and I ended up taking it out on my family. I wasn’t in control of my emotions, I let it run wild and ruined what could have been a perfectly good morning. It led me to pray and ask God to help me control these feelings I get of annoyance, irritability and anger, especially when its for no good reason. The Holy Spirit prompted me to read Galatians 5, it speaks on the fruits of the Spirit and what our lives should produce when we live by the Spirit.

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, humility and self-control”

That self-control one is tricky for me, especially when it comes to my feelings and reactions – I’m a very emotional person and I can be reactive at times. I get irritated when things don’t happen when and how they are supposed to happen and now and then I can have an angry outburst. I know it’s not pretty but if we lack self-awareness, we’ll never be able to deal with the deeper issues of the problem. When I read Galatians 5 vs 19, it said the following:

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear; sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins…”

For me, hostility, quarreling and outbursts of anger are what I battle with. Especially at home and in the mornings when we have to get done for the day and things are not happening as fast or as smoothly as I want it to happen. But I’ve realised and maybe you can relate if this is something you also struggle with, that getting angry or irritated won’t solve the problem or make circumstances more ideal. In fact, it might make them worse. It will sow division in your home and everybody will end up being in a bad mood. It certainly is not the way to start or end a day.

So that has been my prayer lately. That God helps me to stay in control of my emotions and teaches me patience or teaches me how to be patient when I experience less than ideal circumstances and that I don’t just get angry or frustrated at anything or anyone over small matters.

Another verse in Galatians which is sort if the core for me is verse 13. It reads as follows;

“Don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead use your freedom to serve one anther in love, for the whole law can be summed up in this one command ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ “

Galatians 5 is full of wisdom and basically teaches us that we should let the Holy Spirit lead us, lead our lives, actions and thoughts. It speaks of how the sinful nature only wants to do evil;

“And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions”

Every morning when you open your eyes, you are entering the battlefield of your mind, in fact, the battle has already started while you were sleeping. When you wake up, that’s when you choose on which side you are fighting on. Are you on the side of your sinful nature or are you on the side of the Holy Spirit?

Every day is a battle and it’s easier to give in to sin than it is to surrender all we know to God but then we need to ask ourselves, what do we want more and what is worth sacrificing?

Galatians 5 vs 24 ends the passage with the following:

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited or provoke one another or be jealous of one another”

So this will be my guide and my prayer and I hope it can be yours as well, with whatever sinful nature you are struggling with. I pray that our lives will be filled and reflect the fruits of the Spirit and that we don’t give in to our sinful actions at the expense of our loved ones.

A little self-awareness and introspection can go a long way. Below is a video of a poem I wrote about the battles we face in our minds.

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I STILL LOVE SAD POEMS

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 10, 2023 Sep 10, 2023

I still love sad poetry.
I love to know that hearts are still able to heal after suffering.
It brings me comfort to know that loneliness doesn’t last.
I smile when I think Spring comes after Winter,
and the sun still rises in the morning.
I still love sad poetry.
It brings me hope when days are long and nights are cold.
I still believe in new beginnings when I read stanzas of tears on a page, and I see broken hearts in the smiles of strangers.
I still love sad poetry.
I still write sad poetry.
It makes me feel, and it makes me think,
and it helps me remember the days when I wasn’t sad.

BEING INTENTIONAL

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 7, 2023 Sep 7, 2023

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE INTENTIONAL?

When I searched the meaning of the word ‘intentional,’ I found the following definition;
‘done on purpose’ or ‘deliberate.’
The word ‘purpose’ means ‘the reason for doing something.’
So overall, the word intentional means there is a specific reason you do what you do. There is a particular outcome you desire, something you want to see or achieve through your actions, thoughts, and words daily.
I’ve been thinking of my intentions lately, why I do what I do every day, even the simple or mundane things. Why do I clean our home, do laundry, binge-watch series, or eat certain things? Then I realised that some of the everyday things I do sometimes don’t have any purpose. Sometimes, I do it because it’s my excuse not to do what I’m supposed to be doing, for example, watching a series when I should be working on my novel. Those things are not intentional; they are easy. I do it because I am programmed to do it through years of doing the same thing every day.
When I write or share something on my blog or podcast, I don’t just do it because I am programmed to do it. I do it to inspire and motivate others or to share a relatable part of my life so that others might feel seen or heard and less alone. That is the purpose, the intention of my writing.

QUESTIONS ABOUT MY INTENTIONS

Then I asked myself how many things I do that are intentional or have a purpose. The answer was few, which made me sad and a little bit angry at myself.
I want to go through life with a purpose and a clear direction for my life. I want my life to mean something. I want my work to mean something. At the end of my life, I want to know that I have fulfilled what God put me here to do. I want to be more intentional about my thoughts, actions, and words, whether written or spoken. I want it to bring life to others.

HOW TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL

The question then came to me: What can I do or what should I do if I want to be more intentional? It’s certainly not easy because being intentional requires doing the work. It takes renewing your mind and changing old habits into new habits. However, it is not impossible.
For one, whenever you experience a negative thought creeping into your mind, you stop before it overtakes you and switch to the more upbeat, life-giving alternative. Give your thoughts purpose. When you want to watch a third consecutive episode of the current series you’re watching, stop and ask yourself, is there a reason for this? Will this help me fulfill my purpose? What can I do instead?
Write, create art, call a friend or family member and check in, go for a walk and clear your mind, pray, or read. Simple things like that can awaken a part of you that you thought had died long ago.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. When Ruth went out to work in the fields, Naomi realised that the land belonged to Boaz. Later in the story, Naomi instructs Ruth to go to the threshing floor so that she may find a husband and a new home. There was purpose in Naomi’s actions, and there was intention. Eventually, that filtered down through the rest of history.

YOU STILL HAVE A PURPOSE

I’d like to believe that when we wake in the morning, God still has a purpose for our lives, which means we have no choice but to be intentional about who we are and what we do. God himself was intentional when He created us. Knowing that should give us enthusiasm for the day ahead and excitement to fulfill that purpose. It should make us curious about what life offers so that when we lay our heads down at night, exhausted but fulfilled, we know we have completed what God has called us to do.
Every single day we have on this earth is a gift. We don’t get the same day twice, and time moves swiftly.
Let’s be intentional about how we use the time we have.

SWEET GIRL

By Kimberly Fray / Aug 25, 2023 Aug 25, 2023

Sweet girl,

You will have your heart broken.

It is unavoidable. It is part of life.

It will feel like your world collapses and you cannot stop it.

It will feel as if the sun disappeared and the stars vanished.

Everything will lose its colour, and food will no longer be appetizing.

Music will be your only comfort, and melancholy will blanket you.

You will feel pain so palpable that you never thought possible.

You will cry rivers of sadness that will be unstoppable, breaking against the tides of your childhood dreams.

I look at your sweet face and dread the day it happens.

But,

I also welcome that day.

Because that will be your day of recognition, and it will be the day you are tested.

Your willpower and resilience will show, and you will discover your strength.

You will learn to rebuild all you have lost and what has been taken from you.

My darling,

Your first heartbreak will be the first day of the rest of your life.

Do not be afraid, my love.

Be brave and be strong.

And always forgive.

Not just them,

But yourself.

I am writing you this to prepare you, but the truth is no preparation could ever make you ready for the day it happens.

When it does happen, mourn for what you lost,

But come back and try again.

For love is a beautiful experience,

And deserves a second chance,

And a third,

And a fourth.

Do not fear love.

Please do not shy away from it.

Do not curse love.

Do not take advantage of love.

And always remember;

To guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.