Life Archives - Page 3 of 5

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKES

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 16, 2023 Jul 16, 2023

We are conditioned to believe we must be punished when we make a mistake.

When we instead should have been taught that when we are wrong or make a mistake,

we should be corrected and guided in love.

Punishment is what you get when you are wrong, and that causes fear.

You experience that lump in your throat or stomach because you fear what will happen to you.

We don’t fear making mistakes when we are guided and corrected in love, compassion, and understanding.

We see it as an opportunity to learn,

and when you learn from your mistakes, you grow from your mistakes.

A GAME OF SNAKES AND LADDERS

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 11, 2023 Jul 11, 2023

Sometimes you get to climb the top really quickly and other times, you get eaten by snakes.

This is a lesson I was trying to teach my daughter one night. I invited her to play a game of Snakes and Ladders with me. It was her very first time. She was five years old at the time and extremely intelligent for her age and also emotionally sensitive. When she started realising that the game wasn’t as easy as it looks, she didn’t enjoy it at first. She didn’t like losing. In fact, she took it so hard, that she started crying the moment she realised that I was winning the game. I explained to her that the point of the game is to go through challenges and I told her that, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I tried to make her understand that its okay to lose sometimes.

She wanted to stop playing and told me that she is the worst player ever and that I am better than her. Then she started listing a whole bunch of other things that she believed she was bad at.

What I told her is that the game is all about learning, much like the life we live. You have to keep playing the game and should never give up. That’s how you see if you’re good at the game. That’s how you see if you can win.

I explained to her that she should at least try to make it to the top and see if she can do it. It took some time and some convincing but eventually it worked. We continued to play the game and she kept asking me, “Mommy am I almost at the top?” and I told her not to worry about what’s at the top but to instead focus on where she is. I told her something many of us have heard a million times; focus on the journey and not the destination.

She felt better, even on the turns when she got swallowed up by snakes. I kept on reminding her that it is okay; just keep playing the game. I hoped that she would remember what I was telling her.

At the end of the game, she won and in a way, so did I because I taught my daughter and myself a valuable lesson;

Keep playing the game and never give up!

MORNING REFLECTIONS – DISTRACTIONS VS PROGRESS

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 4, 2023 Jul 4, 2023

I was thinking about distractions this morning. We woke up to start our day, and there were elements of distractions that cut into our routine. I woke up less than excited; I couldn’t find my shoes when it was time for our walk, my husband couldn’t find his book when it was reading time, and so forth. I felt disorganized and disorientated, and it irritated me a little.
The morning routine was less perfect than the day before, but we still completed it.
So many times, we strive for perfection when we should take note of the progress. We think or believe things should be exactly right, and when it doesn’t happen the way we imagined it, we become discouraged, and most times, we tend to give up when we are so close to the finish line.
It’s all about progress – small acts you do every day that make you better, stronger, and wiser than you were the day before.
When we pray, we tell God exactly what we want, to the last detail, and forget that He can and will probably provide us with something more significant, despite our ignorance.

Isaiah, 55 vs. 8-9, says:
‘Indeed, my plans are not like your plans, and my deeds are not like your deeds, for just as the sky is higher than the earth, so my deeds and my plans are superior to your plans.’

God is the only one who is perfect.
I once told my husband that sometimes our reaction to life’s events, like tragedy or a break in routine, or a small or medium-sized distraction, could completely throw us off our axes. Its as if we suddenly don’t know where we are, who we are, or what we’re supposed to do, and then we curl up in a ball and feel sorry for ourselves because things didn’t go as we planned instead of rolling with the waves and adjusting our sails to the winds.
Stop looking for perfect. There is no such thing.
Don’t take your eyes off Jesus; don’t let the winds of change or distraction throw you off your purpose. Let it make you stronger. Let us build our character and learn to be patient with ourselves. Change and growth is a continuous process,
I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite scriptures

Jeremiah 29 vs. 11
‘For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’

MORNING REFLECTIONS -TIME

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 3, 2023 Jul 3, 2023

My husband and I started our new morning routine. It opened my eyes as well as my mind. The power and presence of God and the Holy Spirit were palpable for me this morning.
The morning walk felt good. The moon was still fully out, shining brightly in the sky. My nose was cold. I felt peace overcome me. I am grateful that I can live this life. Thankful that I have another opportunity to change and grow. There are so many things I want to achieve for myself and my family. Places I want to go, people I want to meet, and lives I want to change. I’m re-reading the 5AM Club by Robin Sharma, and there’s a line where the entrepreneur, a woman, decides to take steps in changing her life;

‘She promised herself she’d keep following this process instead of retreating. Her former way of existing no longer served her. It was time for a change.’

One of our greatest mistakes is thinking we have time, but we don’t. Every day without us living the life we’re meant to and fulfilling our purpose on this earth is wasted, and we don’t get that time back. I’m realizing now that our purpose is not something we do one day and then it’s done. Our purpose is small acts that we carry out every single day, consistently, passionately, and intentionally.

Some day we will look at our lives and wonder where all the time went and what we did with all the time we had. Some day is today.
Right now. You can’t fit in all you were supposed to do in the past in the time you have now. The time you have left is meant for other tasks and new pursuits.
The Word of God says there is a time for everything in Ecclesiastes 3 vs. 1-8
‘ For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. ‘

We need to be conscious of that. Tap into God’s plans for your life and start doing the work laid out for you. I say this as much to myself as I say to you, dear reader.
Time on earth is a commodity, a precious one at that. We need to be aware of the things we spend our time on. I am genuinely grateful that this is still something I have – time.

It will run out; we just don’t know when.

SUBMARINE

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 1, 2023 Jul 1, 2023

I never imagined going down 13 thousand feet into the ocean,
cold and dark all around, trapped in a small space with only four other souls.
Claustrophobia and anxiety heightened.
Yet here I am, I walked right through the gate of the ocean.
Slowly running out of air, knowing each breath, I take is bringing me to my last.
Not knowing what day it is, not knowing what is happening in the world above.
Should I keep fighting? Should I preserve my energy?
Should I pray for a quick death?
Is someone coming? Are they close?
There is total blackness.
Just total blackness.
Life, death, and air are swimming around me; only one is within reach.
The faces of the others staring back at me; who will go first?
Who will be the one to consume the very last bit of oxygen?
Billions of dollars made and spent over a lifetime, only to die alone at the bottom of the ocean.
I think about this on the surface, making me realize that life must be better navigated.
What will they find when they finally reach us?
Our decomposed vessels? An empty submarine? Or nothing at all.
Our story is forever anchored to history’s most extraordinary and tragic sunken ship.

EVENTUALLY

By Kimberly Fray / May 10, 2023 May 10, 2023

It’s going to hurt until it no longer does.
It’s going to tear at you and pull you apart
Until you learn to put yourself together again.
Eventually all this will just become a distant memory.
Eventually the pain will disappear.
Your hands will stop shaking.
You will breathe again.
Eventually
You’ll stop searching and start appreciating.
You’ll stop waiting and wishing.
You’ll stop regretting and start living.
Eventually you’ll stop blaming yourself and start forgiving yourself,
Eventually.
It might not happen today.
But it’ll happen,
Eventually.

TUESDAY

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 22, 2023 May 1, 2023

It’s another Tuesday
Another week in, another one is on its way out
Another day feeling like the day before
I wear tiredness like an oversized coat;
heavy but somehow keeps the cold out
but the truth is, the cold is not on my skin
It lives in my bones, runs through my veins
I breathe it out
my feet drag, and my eyes burn
sleep is not my friend
It’s another day, much of the same as the days before
They tend to run into one another,
tripping over one another
clumsy and flimsy
Like me
No day is the same
Just as I am not the same
but yet,
It is and I am
It’s another day
Just another Tuesday

TEMPTATION TO FALL BACK INTO SIN

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 22, 2023 Apr 22, 2023

It’s very easy to fall back into sin; to fall back into your old habits before you gave your life to Christ. The thing is, you need to know and admit your weaknesses. You need to know what tempts you the most and what was your carnal sin before Christ and then when you know it, you do everything to fight it and not fall back into the trap of the enemy.

I shouldn’t even say the enemy. Sometimes we give the devil too much credit. Sometimes our weaknesses and us falling off the wagon is simply due to lack of self-control.

Sometimes its just us being selfish and curious and we think, if no one knows, it doesn’t matter. But it does matter, because God sees.

It becomes very convicting; that feeling of knowing you are doing something wrong but you just can’t help yourself. It’s a heaviness and when you give your life to Christ, that heaviness and that burden and that sin is lifted, so why do we turn back to the thing that Jesus saved us from?

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘no’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age”

Titus 2 vs 11-12

Because it’s easier than becoming the person God needs us to be.

It’s familiar and in a way, it’s comfortable.

We can say we repent of our sins but repenting means not going back to the sin you are leaving at the feet of God. We can’t keep going back and forth and live an unstable life in Christ. We can’t have one foot in heaven and another foot in the world. It doesn’t work that way. We cannot serve two masters.

The one you give the most attention to and the one you spend more time on, will be the one that will dominate.

So are you spending more time in sin or more time with God?

I don’t want to go back to the person I used to be before I gave my life to Christ. I was lost and confused and I was hurt and I was hurting people. I was inconsiderate and I felt like I had no purpose. I didn’t know who I was. With God, I know exactly who I am. I don’t want to backtrack and I don’t want to live a life of sin.

So I pray, I ask God to deliver me from my temptations. I repent and I ask God for forgiveness. I pray that God will keep me on the straight and narrow and that I will be an honest, loving and compassionate person.

Yes, I will continue to sin but I never want the sin to become who I am. I never want it to overshadow my life in Christ.

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self-control”

2 Timothy 1 vs 7

A MOTHERLESS CHILD

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 18, 2023 Apr 18, 2023

I used to sit on my mother’s lap

Out on the balcony

Watching cars go by

Talking about nothing and everything

She used to stroke my hair

With her aging hands

Or clean my ears with a bobby pin

I could have sat there for hours

I miss being her child

Her youngest daughter

My sisters would tease me, saying I’m spoilt

And her favourite

I would frown, scrunch my nose at them but

Really,

It brought me pure joy

Now I am a motherless daughter

With a daughter of my own

Needing my mother

more than I ever could have ever known

I miss her

I miss my mother every day

I swallow tears and try to ignore the lump

In my throat

Sitting there like a constant reminder of what I lost

I guess it is true what they say

Grief never leaves you

You don’t outgrow it

You simply grow around it.

THE COMFORT ROOM

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 12, 2023 Apr 12, 2023

Sitting in what they call a comfort room after 8 in the morning

I’m watching the door to the theatre

Watching the clock

The comfort room brings little comfort

It’s cold and a lone window is before me covered in blinds

The wall covered in words such as

Harmonious

Healed

Natural

Marvellous

Free

Safe

Happy

Peaceful

Healing

Aware

Conscious

Healthy

All words meant to bring comfort but the irony

Does not miss me

It’s quiet sitting here

Save for the sounds of the machines somewhere in the hospital

And the wheels on the cold tile floors

I feel far away from him

Not knowing what is happening behind that closed theatre door

It holds my heart

And I am locked out of it

I don’t have the access or the authorisation

I watch the door like a predator stalking its prey

Waiting to pounce the minute I see him being wheeled out that room

To take his hands in mine

Kiss his lips

To see his eyes see mine

The only comfort this empty room brings

Is the chance to be with my own thoughts

To allow my inner turmoil to run free and

Keep me company during this time

I fear looking away from the door

I fear I might miss him and never see him again.