Health Archives - WordsINVerse

THESE FEET WERE MADE FOR WALKING

By Kimberly Fray / Oct 14, 2025 Oct 14, 2025

A BROKEN FOOT

Have you ever thought about how important your feet are? Strange introduction but stay with me. I feel very vulnerable putting my poor feet on the internet like this but anyway, here we go.
I’ve had five weeks to ponder this thought, about how important our feet are. I broke my foot and ended up being in a cast for 4 weeks and then I’ll be stuck in a moon boot for another 6 weeks.
I had surgery to repair the broken bone – I had what you call a lisfranc injury and I now have two screws in my right foot to get it all better.
I’ll have to have another surgery next year sometime to remove the screws so recovery to get back to my usual busy, up and down self, is going to take some time.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things since the injury; I was booked off from work so I’ve been at home in my cast and using crutches to get around – it’s been one of the most inconvenient experiences of my life.
I never realised before how important my feet are and the use of my feet. It’s one of those things that we take for granted when we’re blessed to have both feet or legs working fully.
Now, I’m not going to compare my experience with people who have had amputations or who were born without the use of their limbs or anything of that sort – I’m simply telling my story.
The last time I broke a part of my body I was probably 7 years old I think; I broke my arm when I was running around in our yard with our two big dogs, Jack and Jill. They were Boerboels and as I fell one of them accidently stepped on my arm; at least that’s how I remember it. I also remember my bone sticking out of my arm and being in hospital and going into theatre and seeing the bright theatre light above my head just before I went under.
As a child, that experience wasn’t inconvenient because I was spoiled and looked after and I got toys and all the snacks and sweets I wanted.
As an adult, breaking my foot, was not so great.
I am a mom of two and a wife and business owner and I also have a full time job so usually I am always on my feet, doing things. The kids need to go to dance class; the house needs to be cleaned, food needs to be made, admin needs to be completed.
But with my foot being broken, most days and especially the first few weeks of recovery; I was stuck in bed or the couch with my foot propped up on pillows. I was also in a lot of pain and the pain meds were my saving grace but the effect of that was that It made me drowsy and I would end up sleeping most of the day.

This has been my life for the last few weeks.

Fast forward 5 weeks later and I am super restless; I am ready to go back to work and ready to get this cast of my leg but I am also ready to have a few honest conversations with myself.
Nothing like being stuck at home, unable to move around as usual to get you to come face to face with yourself.
So the initial idea was that while I am stuck at home, unable to be up and down; I would write and finish another book or work on some new ideas or be productive because I’m a writer and its not like I need my foot to write, right?
Well, none of that happened. In fact, this is the first substantial piece of writing I’ve released in weeks.
My mind and my brain were sucked dry of its creative coffers.
What I have been doing is eating, sleeping, binge-watching and falling asleep after taking a cocktail of prescribed pain medications.
I’m not proud of it but I am okay with it.
Sometimes we do pressure ourselves to perform while our minds and our bodies are not in the right place.
Many people have told me that maybe this injury was God’s way of telling me to slow down and slow down I did indeed.
But I finally came back to myself.
I can feel it as I’m writing this.
What I do pay attention to now however is feet – I’ve been watching how people walk; how some move their hips from left to right and use their arms while others don’t.
I’ve noticed how people walk with confidence or with a shy demeanour; hoping no one else sees them.
Are some people rushing or taking their time?
Do they take small steps or large ones?
What shoes are they wearing?
Have they had surgery which affected their gait?
I think about that.
I wonder if I will walk ‘normally’ after I am fully recovered or if I will always be slightly anxious now moving forward?
Will I be more appreciative of my body in its entirety?
Most certainly.
Something else that I have been pondering on is how fragile the human body is. Every single day, we leave our homes not knowing how our day will end up.

In fact, let me tell you how I broke my foot in the first place.

A FALL

I was sitting peacefully in my house watching Teen Wolf. I was expecting a visit from my brother and I remembered our car garage was open. I wanted to close it because its untidy and I didn’t want him to see the mess ( hides face) So I walk out my house, I don’t end up closing the garage because I couldn’t reach the handle ( I’m pretty short ) – I give up and decide to leave it and as I am walking back into the small gate into my yard; I miss a step and fall.
The pain was excruciating; at some point after my brother arrived and found me on the ground; I passed out because the pain was so bad. I didn’t even know I broke my foot until a week later when I was sent for an MRI and the surgeon told me it was broken. That was on the 15th of September. I had surgery the very next day.
Anyway, that was five weeks ago – I’m much better now.

Where was I? Oh yes!
We don’t know how our day is going to end up when we wake up in the morning; we don’t know if we’re going to make it home by the end of the day. We don’t know if we’re going to break a leg or an arm or if we’re going to lose someone we dearly love.
This is something that has also been running around in my head.
Appreciate your loved ones and take care of yourself. Physically and mentally.
So its not like I have been sitting here at home not doing anything; I’ve been thinking. All the thoughts just decided to come out today.
Life continued as normal for other people while I was indisposed and that also made me think.
As much as work and responsibilities are important and necessary; you shouldn’t let it consume you and take over your life.
We’ve all heard the saying that you can be replaced at your workplace in an instant if you’re no longer there and its true. Not that I’ve been replaced but I have been able to spend a lot of time with my kids over these last few weeks and it’s been such a blessed time for me, even though I haven’t been able to cook or clean for them but I have been able to be there for them. To be present.
And like I mentioned earlier; I’ve also had to come face to face with myself – I’ve had to take note of the things I don’t like about myself; the things I can fix with simple lifestyle changes. The things I can only leave in God’s hands and also the things I need to let go off. Something that I’ve had to admit to myself as well as is that I may also have become slightly lazy. I’m cringing just writing that out but its true. As much as I’ve been unable to walk and be my usual busy self; I think the laziness started creeping in before I hurt myself and the injury sort of solidified it and gave me a reason to give in to it.

Here you can see the x-ray which shows the screws in my foot

A MIRACLE

I did experience a miracle during this time of being stuck at home. On one of the rare occasions of me leaving the house; I attended a church service with my husband and two friends.
It was a great service with a prophet from the United States giving us the word. After he was done; many people went to him so that he may speak or prophesy over them.
While I was sitting on the steps watching this; the pastor whose church we were visiting came and laid hands on my injured foot and let me tell you, I felt the power of God.
I had been struggling with pain that whole night because usually the pain gets worse at night, I think it has something to do with the cold but when he laid hands on me; it was like a soft breeze overcame me and the pain just vanished, just like that. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Not even the pain meds I am on can do that.
I was able to walk on the foot right after that and even though I continued to wear the cast after that and not immediately remove it, what I felt God was saying to me that night was ‘I AM’
God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can even think to ask of Him and I believe He was reminding me to trust Him and just showing off His power a bit.
I want to be better. I want to be stronger and healthier. I want to spend more time in God’s presence because if I’m honest; during this time since breaking my foot, I have been neglecting my prayer life and I think its because I’ve been so consumed by the problems that I forgot to look to the person who holds all the solutions.
What I do know is this; once I am recovered and even throughout the next few months of recovery; I want to take in everything. I want to feel the sun; I want to read more and write more. I want to achieve more. I want to walk more.
Besides, these feet were made for walking.

FROM ICU TO INSPIRATION

By Alistair Fray / Jul 7, 2025 Jul 7, 2025

Our son Jared’s journey through illness, music and meaning.

When our son Jared was born, we never imagined the first sound we would associate with him would be that of a ventilator. He was just one day old when he spiraled into severe respiratory distress.

The paediatrician – a stoic professional who had seen it all – told us, “I don’t think the baby will survive”.

It was as if the floor vanished beneath us. For nine days, we lived minute by minute in the paediatric intensive care unit, holding onto hope. Machines breathed for him. We watched the monitor rise and fall, as if it were our own heartbeat. We celebrated the small victories—like the rare moments when Jared could breathe unaided—only to be shattered when he would relapse. Then, on the tenth day, a change occurred. He was moved out of the ICU. Four days later, we took him home—a brave little fighter wrapped in blankets, reminding us every second that life is a gift.

But our relief was short-lived.

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

At 15 months old, Jared was diagnosed with hypopituitarism. The damage from his neonatal respiratory distress had harmed his pituitary gland, which is the small gland in the brain that controls the body’s hormonal system. As a result, his body was unable to produce the essential hormones needed for growth, energy, metabolism, and even survival. The doctors made it clear: Jared would require daily hormone replacement therapy, including growth hormones, and others to manage cortisol and thyroid function. Without this treatment, his health and development would be at risk.

If you’ve ever received news like this about your child, you understand how the world goes silent for a moment. We were terrified, but we knew we had to take action.

The Cost of Hope

The treatments were expensive – far beyond what our modest family income could cover. To pay for the hormone injections and medication, friends, family, and even our community came together to assist us as much as they could. We tightened our belts, cut corners, and sacrificed comfort for necessity.

Jared never once complained. From the age of eight, he gave himself hormone injections nearly every day. He never asked, “Why me?” – he just focused on doing what needed to be done, even when it was hard.

At 18, we celebrated a quiet and joyful milestone. Jared’s endocrinologist announced he had reached his expected height. The daily growth hormone injections could finally stop, marking the end of one of the hardest chapters of his life.

However, during this time, he had also been fighting another battle.

Another Battle: Hearing Loss

From age 5, Jared battled chronic ear infections. By the time he turned twelve, specialists recommended surgery to resolve the issue. While the surgery was successful, it revealed that the damage had already occurred; Jared had only 30% hearing in his left ear. Suddenly, everything made sense: his seeming withdrawal at birthday parties, difficulty in noisy classrooms, and avoidance of group activities.

We invested in a digital hearing aid, which was expensive but a needed solution. The emotional impact of those quiet years stayed with him. Throughout high school, Jared was quiet and preferred to be alone rather than risk being misunderstood. It broke our hearts to see him pull away from the world. He was physically there but emotionally hidden.

And Then, Music

For Jared’s 19^th birthday, we took a leap and gifted him a bright purple acoustic guitar, hoping it would serve as both a creative outlet and a gateway back into the world. We could not have predicted what happened next.

He started with awkward strumming. Over time, rhythm emerged, then melodies—until music became his language. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t always hear the world clearly – through music, he found a way to speak to it, and slowly, it began to talk back.

He enrolled in a diploma program for contemporary music at a music and art college, where he connected with peers, young individuals who were passionate about chords and harmonies. We were both emotionally overwhelmed a month later, during his first concert, as the boy who once hid from noise stood confidently under the stage lights, guitar in hand, and his heart wide open.

Growth as a Musician

To our surprise, Jared quickly entered the music industry as a session musician, collaborating with several notable South African artists. His guitar work can be heard on some South African movie soundtracks, including the “Lockdown” TV series and more recently the movie “Mr Easy Loo” on Netflix . He effortlessly transitions between various musical genres, including jazz, blues, R&B, Pop, African rhythms, and even the popular South African genre, AmaPiano—all played on the guitar.

Jared’s musical growth took a significant leap forward when he met the seasoned musician Jamela Vuma, who took him under his wing. They have collaborated on each other’s albums, with Jamela producing Jared’s album, “Rhythmic Resonance,” which features 12 tracks and serves as a tribute to his journey through struggle and triumph. Jared and Jamela share a deep friendship, but their bond has developed into a brotherly connection that is unlikely to be broken.

Today: Giving Back Through the Fray Music Academy

One evening, Jared told us, “I think she likes me.” This simple statement, thanks to Kimberly, marked the beginning of an exciting new chapter in his life. Her presence brought him happiness, and it was evident in his actions.

Today, Jared is not only a professional session musician and recording artist, but also a husband and father to two wonderful children. Together with his wife, Kimberly, they founded the Fray Music Academy for young musicians aged 4 to 18, where over 100 students come weekly to discover the joy of music. With seven dedicated tutors (including Jared himself), the academy pulses with creativity, especially after school hours and on weekends.

Some students and tutors at Fray Music Academy

It’s not just that Jared survived—he found meaning in the very things that once made life hardest. What once made him feel different now helps him reach others. His struggles became the reason he could listen deeply and with empathy and play with heart.

To Every Young Dreamer (and Their Parents)

If you’re a young person facing tough challenges, remember—where you start doesn’t have to define where you end up. Jared faced more than his share of struggles but didn’t let them hold him back. Keep going. Trust that you can grow beyond the hard beginnings.

To parents on a similar journey, remember that there is hope. Every sacrifice you make, big or small, matters. Every sleepless night and difficult choice you face helps build strength. The most vulnerable child can grow into the strongest person in the room. Your support can bring about amazing changes.

Final Thoughts

From ICU alarms to studio melodies, from hormone injections to guitar solos. From hushed hospital prayers to roaring applause. Jared’s story is a testament to the power of resilience, unconditional love, and never giving up.

And to the child out there, just starting to strum their first chord—don’t stop.

Your melody is already inside you – keep playing until the world hears it.

Alistair and Lucrezia Fray

MAKING THE BEST OF THE TIME WE HAVE

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 4, 2024 Sep 4, 2024

Death is so sudden. We never know when it’s going to visit us. Whether directly or indirectly.
I was watching a video of someone who had just lost a loved one and he said that it was so sudden, no one expected this person to die. He had spoken to this person just the day before and there was no indication of sickness whatsoever and now she was gone.

Even when we know someone is at the end of their life, whether by old age or illness, we can’t always accept that they are about to leave us. And once they do, that void left behind is so palpable, so tangible.

So many people are experiencing loss lately. I see it everywhere.

I work in news and I see death on a daily basis. At times, I feel a bit disensititized and then I have to remind myself, that someone has lost a loved one and that it could have easily been me in that situation.

It’s strange though, before I lost my mother in 2020, I didn’t understand death or its impact but now, it’s as if I can feel everyone’s pain, everyone’s grief because it reminds me of my own.

Isn’t funny though, how something like death can be the thread that connects us?

Life is short and death is sudden. I don’t think we realize that any day can be our last. We are busy making plans for tomorrow but don’t know if tomorrow is on our calendar.

We haven’t accepted it. Our human minds can’t comprehend it.

I was watching a show and one of the characters delivered the following line:

“All we can do is the best we can with the time that is given to us”

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘Live each day as if it’s your last’
but what if we lived each day as if it were our first?
Full of wonder and curiosity and joy, love and gratitude. Untainted by heartache, pain, loss, grief, anger, hate or unforgiveness.
But rather as if we’re experiencing the world for the very first time.
With a gentle approach, an open mind, and a receiving heart.

We don’t know when our last day on earth will be.
All we have is today. You can choose how you spend it.

There are many things I wish I could have said to my mother before she died and sadly, we only realize these things afterwards but we still have many other loved ones we can cherish and appreciate.

Don’t waste it. Be kind, loving gentle, and compassionate.
Be good.

Our behavior and actions are all we can control.

Death is out of our hands. How we live our life that has been gifted to us is all we have.

SOUL GOALS

By Kimberly Fray / Jan 2, 2024 Jan 2, 2024

I have decided to set some goals for myself which I’ve dubbed Soul Goals. These are the goals that will feed my soul and my spirit and create inner peace and healing. I think as much as we want external success in terms of our careers and families and financial state, having inner success is much more important and can actually contribute to the external goals and successes. I think there is also less pressure to showcase these soul goals but its equally important that you work on it every single day.

One way I have found to work on it, is to journal; to write down everything about my day. The good and the bad and see where I’ve achieved these special goals.

So here are a few of my personal soul goals. I will probably add to it as time goes on.

Be present in every moment and take in everything around you; the sun, sky, flowers, sounds and smells
Listen more intently
Be more loving
Be kinder
Visit new places
Be more positive
Journal more
Spend more time in God’s presence
Write and read more poetry
Rest when necessary
Take more pictures and more videos
Take more walks
Appreciate every single day, find the good in every day
Forgive yourself
Smile more; at loved ones and at strangers
Play more games
Appreciate your own physical self; take care of your health
Love yourself – You are wonderfully and fearfully made
Let go of the guilt
Don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself and doing things that you enjoy
Stop rushing through every day, walk slower, breath slower

These might seem insignificant when others have bigger goals of buying cars and homes and growing in their careers, which are all amazing and I too have some of those goals but I have felt lately that I have neglected my inner being, my inner child and I’m hoping by working on these soul goals, I will be able to achieve more peace within my spirit and take care of the inner self.

THE COMFORT ROOM

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 12, 2023 Apr 12, 2023

Sitting in what they call a comfort room after 8 in the morning

I’m watching the door to the theatre

Watching the clock

The comfort room brings little comfort

It’s cold and a lone window is before me covered in blinds

The wall covered in words such as

Harmonious

Healed

Natural

Marvellous

Free

Safe

Happy

Peaceful

Healing

Aware

Conscious

Healthy

All words meant to bring comfort but the irony

Does not miss me

It’s quiet sitting here

Save for the sounds of the machines somewhere in the hospital

And the wheels on the cold tile floors

I feel far away from him

Not knowing what is happening behind that closed theatre door

It holds my heart

And I am locked out of it

I don’t have the access or the authorisation

I watch the door like a predator stalking its prey

Waiting to pounce the minute I see him being wheeled out that room

To take his hands in mine

Kiss his lips

To see his eyes see mine

The only comfort this empty room brings

Is the chance to be with my own thoughts

To allow my inner turmoil to run free and

Keep me company during this time

I fear looking away from the door

I fear I might miss him and never see him again.

PIECES OF ME

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 31, 2022 Dec 31, 2022

we are shaped by our experiences but we can choose how to live out those experiences. We choose how to live, we choose whether we give up or go on. We choose to forgive.

life demands of you to be intentional; intentional about your actions, your energy, your focus, your thoughts and emotions.

It hasn’t been easy but it has been fulfilling

love is one of the most if not the most powerful source of hope we have on this earth

Its not just okay to live as your authentic self, its absolutely necessary.

do not fear.
do not tremble.
do not question or second guess

These hard, tiring and busy days won’t last.

Your ability to nurture, love, care and encourage is God-given.

break out of the mould you created for yourself with all the things you thought you knew

I hope you relinquish all expectations
you had of yourself for this next season and simply enjoy being alive.

Even if it fails, at least you know that you tried.

We all have a place in our minds where we wish to go, things we want to do and places we want to see but if I’ve learned anything, these last few years, is that you won’t get there if you don’t get moving.

It’s a beautiful day. The dog dreams. I breathe

Better to have a moment of awkwardness than to have a lifetime of regret.

But I see how you carry on.

I see how you carry others.

I see how you love,

I see how you pray.

I see you and I love what I see.

It’s a road not travelled at all.
A sad and painful place where the rivers
are made out of tears.
Very lonely. Very heartbreaking.

Very beautiful indeed.

My faith saved me.
It saves me still.

regret always comes too late.

You are more valuable than you know and you have so much more power than you realise

One hurt does not fix another

I want to be that brave person again

I’m a weary wife.

MENTAL ILLNESS- A DARK PLACE

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 17, 2022 Sep 17, 2022

I’ve been thinking about mental health or mental illness for some time now, and like most people, I’ve been there. I call it the dark place.
I remember when I was going through a dark time, I felt lost. It was as if I didn’t belong anywhere. I felt alone. Almost as if no one saw my struggle and my pain, or even if they did, they couldn’t understand it.
When I look back now, I see myself in that place, a dark hole, an endless dark pit, the darkness tangible, I could almost taste it.
It doesn’t leave you. There are times even in your healed state when you find yourself sliding back into the embrace of that familiar darkness.
When I say darkness, I don’t mean not being able to see in front of you which is also very much the case. The darkness I am talking about is a heaviness, a hollow heaviness. It tortures you day after day after day until it eventually chokes the life out of you.
I was alone, lost, and being slowly killed by an enemy I couldn’t see.
My faith saved me.
It saves me still.
Once you’ve been in that dark place and made it out, every single day after that is a battle not to go back there.
I’ve learned that this battle is no longer mine.
You wake up every day, knowing you’re fighting today to stay alive, to not fall back into that dark despair.
It is not something you get over. It’s something you have to work on every single day.
Can you imagine the emotional turmoil, the mental anguish, and the raw desperation someone must be feeling or experiencing to come to a place to want to take their own life and then the bottomless and overwhelming hopelessness to go through with it?
Just take a second and think about it.
Finding yourself at a place where you have absolutely no hope, no escape, and no place to turn except to death.

So just a bit of food for thought; next time you engage with someone just be kind. We don’t know what battles people are fighting within their minds. Your kindness could be what saves someone from taking their own life.

30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE 30

By Kimberly Fray / Mar 10, 2022 Mar 24, 2022

This month I celebrate my 30th birthday. The last 30 years seem to have gone by in a blur but there were some hard and necessary lessons learned. As I enter my 30s, allow me to share 30 things (out of the thousands) I’ve learned before turning 30-years-old. My 20’s were for learning. My 30s will be for putting what I’ve learned into practice.

1.Everything is a blessing from God if you choose to see it that way and if you can’t see it as a blessing, see it as a lesson.

Isaiah 43:1-3 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

2. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and frustration if you choose not to focus on what others think of you.

3. Time with family is more precious than money.

4. Its not just okay to live as your authentic self, its absolutely necessary.

5. Gratitude opens up the door to opportunities.

6. Comparison is just another form of ignorance.

7. Grief never goes away. You simply learn to live with it.

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

8. Patience, persistence, preparation and prayer, these things will get through hard times.

9. Rest when you need to. You are no good to anyone when you are operating on fumes.

10. Inspiration is not something to be found. It’s something to be created.

11. To get through anything, you’ll need patience. You’ll find yourself waiting a lot. Waiting in queues, waiting for transport, waiting on people, waiting for signs and miracles. Work while you wait. (I wrote this part while waiting in a queue at a clothing store)

12. Always have a book with you. Whether its a reading book or a note book. You’ll either read something worth remembering or write something worth sharing.

cup with plate and book with notebook on table — Photo by Samson Katt on Pexels.com

13. No one will and no one should believe in your art more than you.

14. Prayer will guide you and conviction will save you.

15. You need to have honest conversations with yourself about who you are and who you want to be. You need to dig deep into your heart and that will hurt sometimes because you won’t always like what you find.

16. Marriage and love are beautiful thing things. Despite the fact that many people will make you think love is painful or marriage is pointless, once you find it and experience it at its purest essence, you’ll understand the beauty of it.

marriage, sacrifice, love — My husband and I on our wedding day.

17. You children will never do what you say. They will do what you do. Make sure you do the right thing.

18. The world is full of bad things but there are even more beautiful things to be discovered.

19. Set goals for yourself, have a plan. Do not go through life rudderless.

20. Take care of your finances. Be smart about your savings and where and how you spend your money.

21. Mind your business but make it your business to care for others.

22. Read and study your bible. You’ll find all the answers you need.

23. It’s okay to ask for help. It does not mean you are weak.

24. Your mind can become a battlefield, you need to protect it at all costs.

photo of man sitting on a cave — Photo by M Venter on Pexels.com

25. Be grateful for the hard times. Grapes are pressed and crushed to create wine.

26. Change is scary but sometimes it takes a big change to move you into action.

27. Being kind doesn’t have to be a production. Sometimes its a sincere word, a hug or just a smile.

28. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people simply want to get to know you and love you. It’s okay to trust people.

29. Don’t make social media your life. Make time to live in the real world.

30. Love sincerely and wholeheartedly and never regret giving someone your heart, even when they break it.

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been” – David Bowie

MY HOPE FOR YOU

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 30, 2021 Dec 30, 2021

I hope you fall in love with yourself. I hope you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I hope you learn to appreciate all your flaws and find the beauty in every scar, wrinkle, and folded skin.

I hope you learn to love your voice. I hope that you use it to change your world.

I hope you learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and, I hope you let go of the burden of guilt.

I hope you find love in all the different relationships in your life.

I hope you chase your dreams and get the chance to watch them come to life.

I hope you share your stories and adventures and inspire others to do the same.

I hope you learn to be gentle with yourself and remember that bad decisions do not define you.

I hope you find the strength to fight through the bad times and come out the other side a stronger person.

I hope you remember to pray.

I hope you remember how beautiful you are.

I hope you laugh more.

I hope you play more.

I hope you find more.

I hope you always look for stars in the darkest of nights

and know that the sun will always rise in the morning.

I hope you start believing in love again.

Just believe it again.

I hope you can look back on the last season in your life and find the good

And I hope that you will always be grateful that you have made it this far.

I hope you know that your story is far from over and that the next blank page is waiting for you to create the life that you want.

I hope you know that you have the power to change your life and I hope you remember to never give that power away.

I hope you know that you can push boundaries and break barriers.

I hope that you know that you are never alone.

I hope that you witness great things and climb majestic mountains.

I hope that you find the courage to reach deep within yourself and do what makes you happy.

I hope you walk away from anything that no longer serves you and, I hope you walk away with your head held high.

I hope that you smile again and laugh with all the joy in your spirit.

I hope it’s so loud that the rest of the world can’t help but laugh with you.

I hope you remember that saying goodbye is not always a bad thing.
I hope you know that the pain doesn’t last.
I hope you know that love is plentiful.
I hope you dance in the rain and roll in the mud.
I hope you plant seeds instead of picking flowers.
I hope you remember that having a bit of fun is good for you.
I hope you hold warm hands and kiss soft lips.
I hope you get the chance to look into loving eyes and fall asleep in a warm embrace.
I hope you take care of yourself.

I hope you know that your story is worth telling.

ACCEPTING MY EPILEPSY DIAGNOSIS

By Kimberly Fray / Oct 30, 2021 Oct 30, 2021

LIVING WITH A CHRONIC CONDITION

The other day I had three consecutive seizures at my workplace. When I wrote this piece, I feel ashamed and embarrassed about having Epilepsy and slightly worried because of how I believe my colleagues might treat me after seeing me like that but you’ll be happy to know that I’m over that.

No one asks for a chronic condition. It just happens. You could be the healthiest, most active and fit individual and still somehow suffer from some chronic condition. It could be a heart condition or a neurological illness or simply a defect that you were born with.

I certainly never asked to have Epilepsy but I was officially diagnosed with it in 2019. My mother also had it. I pray that my children won’t develop it but chances are that one of them will and when they do, I do not want them to feel ashamed or embarrassed, hence I share this now. Epilepsy and seizures are weird. You have no control over your body. Sometimes when I’m in the midst of a seizure, I can make out voices, I can see people around me but I can’t speak and I can’t move. At times, I’ve found myself saying, “I’m here, help me” in my head but no one hears me. No one knows I’m screaming internally.

HOW IT STARTS

I get really bad headaches, then I feel the aura. An aura is a warning that you are probably going to have a seizure at any moment. When that happens, everything seems to be moving too fast and too slow all at the same time. It feels like an out of body experience, I feel a tingling sensation in my hands and then I become disorientated.

I only remember bits and pieces of the episode. I believe Epilepsy literally eats at your brain, little by little.

When I wake up from the seizure, and this is from what I can remember and from what people have told me, I don’t have feeling in my hands or sometimes my legs. From what the paramedic told me, this could be induced by anxiety.

I struggle to speak or articulate myself, as if my tongue is too heavy for my mouth and I don’t remember much. I was told during my epileptic episode, I asked for my mother.

My mother died in June of 2020. Grief doesn’t even take a break during seizures.

If I’m honest, I’ve been irresponsible with my health and especially with my Epilepsy diagnosis.

When I was diagnosed, I was in denial and I probably still am. I haven’t been consistent with my medication. I’ve made excuses of why I don’t want to take it; it’s too expensive, the side-effects are bad ect ect. It’s all nonsense.

The truth is, I don’t want to be the girl that has fits.

RIPPLE EFFECT

My condition doesn’t just affect me. It affects my husband when he has to get me off the floor or deal with my convulsions and sit with me until I come to. It affects my children when their mother can’t be a mother to them because she is passed out due to an epileptic episode.

Me not taking my medication is me being selfish.

I remember how it was for me when my own mother would have her episodes; I felt helpless and frustrated because I didn’t want to have to deal with it. It was as if I was my mother’s keeper and I blamed her and maybe that’s my issue, I blame myself for being ill and maybe I’m punishing myself by not taking my meds.

It makes no sense, I know.

A part of me resented my mother for her condition and the position it put me in but now I see, I’m doing the exact same thing to my own family.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you are sick or you suffer from some chronic condition, it is your responsibility to make sure you take care of yourself, if you are able to do so.

The cost of ill-health is too high and too much to bare.