Personal Development Archives

FACTORY RESET

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 14, 2024 Apr 14, 2024

Lessons in life will be taught, until they are learned.

Recently, my phone reset back to factory settings; I lost all my apps, my contacts, my photos, videos, my notes I made on my notepad, everything. The phone was completely emptied of anything that has ever represented me or anything to show who I am, what I hold dear and what I love and enjoy.
Everything was gone.

Naturally, I was upset. How could years of data simply disappear without warning? I thought to myself, why does this have to happen to me?

Then it hit me.

You see, my phone and everything that was ever on it, was basically a part of me. I always have my phone in my hands. I have it on my side table next to our bed. I have it in hand when I go anywhere and everywhere. I am always scrolling on social media and my head is always down, looking at this small screen in my hand.
My phone was my Bible.

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It was during the hours that my phone was formatted and it was off; I had time to think and God was speaking to me – He basically told me in no uncertain terms, there will be no other gods before Him.

My phone was the one thing that I could not live without and if you read my previous blog post, you’d know that I have been struggling spiritually – I haven’t been able to read my Bible, to speak to God or just simply experience the Holy Spirit.

And now my phone basically crashes and I come to the realisation that I have been prioritising everything else above Jesus. I have been worshipping my phone, social media and everything else that comes with having this device.

The reason that I have been struggling in my relationship with God is simply because I have turned my back on Him and I have put other things before Him.

You might be reading this and rolling your eyes and thinking, ‘not another life lesson’ – that’s probably what I would do if I didn’t believe that God uses every opportunity and every experience to show Himself. This is what I know to be true and I know that anything that takes the place of Jesus in your life, is another form of worship- whether its your phone, your friends, your job or career. If God doesn’t take priority in your life, if He is not at the center of everything, that message will be made clear to you in some way, shape or form.

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I have been making the mistake of picking up my phone in the morning, before I even open up my Bible. I like and laugh at videos on social media, before I even write or share something from the Bible. I read other people’s stories but don’t share my own testimony and truth be told, I have so much to share.

A very powerful message that I heard in church today, that reminded me about my purpose on this earth as a child of God, is to feed people with faith, hope and love and to be witness of God’s work in my life.

This is what I am doing by writing and sharing this post. I am testifying about what God has done for me over the past day and I hope to instill in you a sense of faith that God will show up for you exactly when you need it and hope that it doesn’t matter how far you fall, Jesus is always there. He is exactly where you left him, that as a child of God, He will always be there to guide you, to correct you and to lead you onto the right path. And the knowledge, that nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate us from the love of God.

³⁸And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So here I am now, back to the start. Back to my own factory settings, hoping to work on filling my life with more of God and less of me.

A TRANSPARENT TESTIMONY

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 7, 2024 Apr 7, 2024

God works in mysterious ways.
I have been going through a season where I’ve been experiencing a spiritual drought; I’ve been struggling to pray. I haven’t read my Bible, I haven’t been speaking to God, and I haven’t been able to listen to worship music – I’ve been struggling and feeling so guilty. It’s been going on for weeks, but some light came through the darkness today.
I went to church this morning, even though, at some point, I told myself I didn’t want to go.
Remember how I said I haven’t been able to pray? Well, today, I prayed, and I cried.
But let me start at our praise and worship rehearsal earlier in the week, on Thursday. I wasn’t myself; I couldn’t worship sincerely, and my heart, soul, and spirit weren’t there. Then, my husband asked me to pray at the rehearsal, which I did, but I wasn’t entirely in it. Now to Sunday, today—I was asked to pray at our pre-service prayer, and then I was asked to pray again when the actual service started to open.
I almost found it comical, but I knew God was working. He put me in a public place where I had to pray for others and made me realize it wasn’t about me. The people who came to the service this morning needed a touch from Jesus, myself included, and the Lord gave me that by putting me in a position where I had to pray for others.
It all brought me to tears throughout the entire Sunday service. At some point, I was on my knees, simply giving thanks to God for working in my life, bringing me back to His throne, and helping me find my way back to Him.
I am not 100% okay yet, but the walls are definitely coming down. For now, for today, this is my testimony about what God did in my life today, and I am truly grateful.

PS: I have also been battling with my writing and my creativity. This is the first blog post I’ve shared in weeks, and I credit it all to Jesus. Another thing I am grateful for.

THERE’S NOTHING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR

By Kimberly Fray / Jan 27, 2024 Jan 27, 2024

I did the one thing I’ve always wanted to do but it was also the one thing I was most afraid of doing and guess what? nothing happened. This is what I discovered when I recently published my first book. I’ve been holding on to the idea of being a published author, to have a book out in public and have people read it and now it is out there. I’ve conquered that fear and nothing happened.

There is nothing on the other side of fear; just life moving on swiftly. Children still need to go to school, dinner still has to be cooked, work still has to be done, laundry still has to be folded, the weather changes every other day. The sun rises and the sun sets and through all this, that one thing that you’ve been afraid to do, that one thing, and let’s be honest, not many people care about, is holding you hostage. So what do you do?

You do the one thing you’re afraid of doing and move on. Because in truth, the only one who you are truly afraid of judging you or criticizing you, is you.

We are our own true enemies of progress.

If I think about it and maybe I am only speaking for myself but maybe we are not afraid of doing the thing that we are afraid of doing; publishing the book, releasing the song, traveling to that place or whatever it is that is keeping you hostage. Maybe we are afraid of making ourselves visible, telling and showing the world, “Hey, I’m out here!” because once you are out there, once you release something or do something or say something, there is a certain pressure on you to keep doing it. To keep delivering and what if you can’t deliver again? What then?

Who are we?

But the thing is, you are still you, you can still do it and you can do it again and again. Once you do it the first time, I suspect it gets easier from there. I’m not saying I will never feel fear again or that I won’t be afraid to try new things again, I’m simply saying that once you get on the other side of it, you’ll see it wasn’t so scary after all.

So here is my advice; do the thing you are most afraid of doing. Once you jump off that metaphorical cliff, you’ll realise you were actually just two feet from the ground.

SOUL GOALS

By Kimberly Fray / Jan 2, 2024 Jan 2, 2024

I have decided to set some goals for myself which I’ve dubbed Soul Goals. These are the goals that will feed my soul and my spirit and create inner peace and healing. I think as much as we want external success in terms of our careers and families and financial state, having inner success is much more important and can actually contribute to the external goals and successes. I think there is also less pressure to showcase these soul goals but its equally important that you work on it every single day.

One way I have found to work on it, is to journal; to write down everything about my day. The good and the bad and see where I’ve achieved these special goals.

So here are a few of my personal soul goals. I will probably add to it as time goes on.

Be present in every moment and take in everything around you; the sun, sky, flowers, sounds and smells
Listen more intently
Be more loving
Be kinder
Visit new places
Be more positive
Journal more
Spend more time in God’s presence
Write and read more poetry
Rest when necessary
Take more pictures and more videos
Take more walks
Appreciate every single day, find the good in every day
Forgive yourself
Smile more; at loved ones and at strangers
Play more games
Appreciate your own physical self; take care of your health
Love yourself – You are wonderfully and fearfully made
Let go of the guilt
Don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself and doing things that you enjoy
Stop rushing through every day, walk slower, breath slower

These might seem insignificant when others have bigger goals of buying cars and homes and growing in their careers, which are all amazing and I too have some of those goals but I have felt lately that I have neglected my inner being, my inner child and I’m hoping by working on these soul goals, I will be able to achieve more peace within my spirit and take care of the inner self.

YOU DID YOUR BEST

By Kimberly Fray / Dec 28, 2023 Dec 28, 2023

I don’t want to pretend that I am not exhausted or that my body doesn’t feel like it is giving in. I’ve had a very long year but, at the same time, a very short year. There have been some disappointments, heartaches, and frustrating moments throughout this year, and it has all come to a head and I don’t want to undermine the fact that it has been overwhelming. I don’t want to fake excitement going into the new year; I don’t want to pretend that I have it all figured out. I am exhausted and I don’t have a solid plan yet. I simply don’t have the energy.
Many of us are struggling with the same thing. Still, we have created this culture of having to be so up and ready for the new year. To be excited, make resolutions and goals for the new year, the next phase of our lives, but I’m sure that it is okay to go into the new year in the current phase or state that you’re in.
If you are tired, sad, exhausted, frustrated, or feeling a myriad of emotions, there is genuinely no pressure for you to get rid of it before the clock strikes 12 on January 1st. There is no pressure. God will still be there on the other side. He will still be there to help you get through it. Whether that is now or next year, it’s okay to go into the new year feeling like you do.

Just as you enter the new year, give it all to God and leave it all in His hands. He requires us to not lean on our understanding or rushing to plan our lives to a T and write down goals. Don’t get me wrong, I am not discouraging planning your life or your year. If you don’t achieve or haven’t completed all you set out to do, it’s okay.

Don’t carry that disappointment of unachieved goals so heavily that you crucify yourself and feel completely hopeless. There is still hope for those who have reached our limits and are running on empty.
I have rested, spent a few days with family, lazed around, laughed, and played games, but I’m still tired. Not all of my exhaustion suddenly disappeared, and not all of my ill feelings have been dealt with, which is fine.
I hope you can enter the new year, knowing that whatever you feel, it is okay to feel that way. There is no pressure to do things immediately and hurriedly. There is a quote I love that says;

“I may not know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future”
You’ve done your best; now let God do the rest.

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NOTHING IS A COINCIDENCE

By Kimberly Fray / Oct 2, 2023 Oct 3, 2023

If you believe that you are working and walking in the will of God and if you believe that everything you are doing and experiencing is part of a bigger God-ordained plan for your life, then you must know that nothing is by chance.
Everything you’re doing and experiencing; the ladders you are climbing and the opportunities that are coming your way and every door that you walk through, every meeting you attend, every person you meet, every place where you find yourself, it is all part of God’s will and purpose for your life.
Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is by chance. Everything is anointed and should be treated as such.
If that is truly what you believe and what you know, then you should take nothing for granted.
You should set your mind on things above. You should treat every meeting, every person you come in contact with, every opportunity, and every level of access you acquire as if it is coming directly from above. Directly from God.
Because again, if you’re tapped into the vision God has given you and the messages from God, it most likely will come to pass and you need to make sure that you are always prepared.
For this reason, you always need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You always need to remember what the root core of everything that you are doing, is. You need to be in the Spirit at all times.
If you haven’t finished your mission, why are you asleep? Why are you wasting your own time?
Why are you not meditating on the Word or in the Spirit?
Why are you playing games?
Have you done what God has called you to do?
Are you really done?
Never mind what everyone else is doing; keep to your business unless God tells you to involve another.
Pray over everything.
Consult God about everything.
We are not merely here to live and then die.
We have a purpose and a mission and it’s our responsibility to pursue that.

Originally published in 2019 on my Medium platform

BECOMING SELF-AWARE THROUGH THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 16, 2023 Sep 16, 2023

I woke up the other morning, irritated and grumpy because of a small insignificant matter and I ended up taking it out on my family. I wasn’t in control of my emotions, I let it run wild and ruined what could have been a perfectly good morning. It led me to pray and ask God to help me control these feelings I get of annoyance, irritability and anger, especially when its for no good reason. The Holy Spirit prompted me to read Galatians 5, it speaks on the fruits of the Spirit and what our lives should produce when we live by the Spirit.

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, humility and self-control”

That self-control one is tricky for me, especially when it comes to my feelings and reactions – I’m a very emotional person and I can be reactive at times. I get irritated when things don’t happen when and how they are supposed to happen and now and then I can have an angry outburst. I know it’s not pretty but if we lack self-awareness, we’ll never be able to deal with the deeper issues of the problem. When I read Galatians 5 vs 19, it said the following:

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear; sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins…”

For me, hostility, quarreling and outbursts of anger are what I battle with. Especially at home and in the mornings when we have to get done for the day and things are not happening as fast or as smoothly as I want it to happen. But I’ve realised and maybe you can relate if this is something you also struggle with, that getting angry or irritated won’t solve the problem or make circumstances more ideal. In fact, it might make them worse. It will sow division in your home and everybody will end up being in a bad mood. It certainly is not the way to start or end a day.

So that has been my prayer lately. That God helps me to stay in control of my emotions and teaches me patience or teaches me how to be patient when I experience less than ideal circumstances and that I don’t just get angry or frustrated at anything or anyone over small matters.

Another verse in Galatians which is sort if the core for me is verse 13. It reads as follows;

“Don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead use your freedom to serve one anther in love, for the whole law can be summed up in this one command ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ “

Galatians 5 is full of wisdom and basically teaches us that we should let the Holy Spirit lead us, lead our lives, actions and thoughts. It speaks of how the sinful nature only wants to do evil;

“And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions”

Every morning when you open your eyes, you are entering the battlefield of your mind, in fact, the battle has already started while you were sleeping. When you wake up, that’s when you choose on which side you are fighting on. Are you on the side of your sinful nature or are you on the side of the Holy Spirit?

Every day is a battle and it’s easier to give in to sin than it is to surrender all we know to God but then we need to ask ourselves, what do we want more and what is worth sacrificing?

Galatians 5 vs 24 ends the passage with the following:

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited or provoke one another or be jealous of one another”

So this will be my guide and my prayer and I hope it can be yours as well, with whatever sinful nature you are struggling with. I pray that our lives will be filled and reflect the fruits of the Spirit and that we don’t give in to our sinful actions at the expense of our loved ones.

A little self-awareness and introspection can go a long way. Below is a video of a poem I wrote about the battles we face in our minds.

BEING INTENTIONAL

By Kimberly Fray / Sep 7, 2023 Sep 7, 2023

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE INTENTIONAL?

When I searched the meaning of the word ‘intentional,’ I found the following definition;
‘done on purpose’ or ‘deliberate.’
The word ‘purpose’ means ‘the reason for doing something.’
So overall, the word intentional means there is a specific reason you do what you do. There is a particular outcome you desire, something you want to see or achieve through your actions, thoughts, and words daily.
I’ve been thinking of my intentions lately, why I do what I do every day, even the simple or mundane things. Why do I clean our home, do laundry, binge-watch series, or eat certain things? Then I realised that some of the everyday things I do sometimes don’t have any purpose. Sometimes, I do it because it’s my excuse not to do what I’m supposed to be doing, for example, watching a series when I should be working on my novel. Those things are not intentional; they are easy. I do it because I am programmed to do it through years of doing the same thing every day.
When I write or share something on my blog or podcast, I don’t just do it because I am programmed to do it. I do it to inspire and motivate others or to share a relatable part of my life so that others might feel seen or heard and less alone. That is the purpose, the intention of my writing.

QUESTIONS ABOUT MY INTENTIONS

Then I asked myself how many things I do that are intentional or have a purpose. The answer was few, which made me sad and a little bit angry at myself.
I want to go through life with a purpose and a clear direction for my life. I want my life to mean something. I want my work to mean something. At the end of my life, I want to know that I have fulfilled what God put me here to do. I want to be more intentional about my thoughts, actions, and words, whether written or spoken. I want it to bring life to others.

HOW TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL

The question then came to me: What can I do or what should I do if I want to be more intentional? It’s certainly not easy because being intentional requires doing the work. It takes renewing your mind and changing old habits into new habits. However, it is not impossible.
For one, whenever you experience a negative thought creeping into your mind, you stop before it overtakes you and switch to the more upbeat, life-giving alternative. Give your thoughts purpose. When you want to watch a third consecutive episode of the current series you’re watching, stop and ask yourself, is there a reason for this? Will this help me fulfill my purpose? What can I do instead?
Write, create art, call a friend or family member and check in, go for a walk and clear your mind, pray, or read. Simple things like that can awaken a part of you that you thought had died long ago.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. When Ruth went out to work in the fields, Naomi realised that the land belonged to Boaz. Later in the story, Naomi instructs Ruth to go to the threshing floor so that she may find a husband and a new home. There was purpose in Naomi’s actions, and there was intention. Eventually, that filtered down through the rest of history.

YOU STILL HAVE A PURPOSE

I’d like to believe that when we wake in the morning, God still has a purpose for our lives, which means we have no choice but to be intentional about who we are and what we do. God himself was intentional when He created us. Knowing that should give us enthusiasm for the day ahead and excitement to fulfill that purpose. It should make us curious about what life offers so that when we lay our heads down at night, exhausted but fulfilled, we know we have completed what God has called us to do.
Every single day we have on this earth is a gift. We don’t get the same day twice, and time moves swiftly.
Let’s be intentional about how we use the time we have.

THIS WOMAN

By Kimberly Fray / Aug 3, 2023 Aug 4, 2023

Yesterday I met a woman.

This woman was me in many ways, except for the reasons she wasn’t.

She was a woman who had to survive many painful obstacles; prostitution, abandonment, unemployment, living on the streets, and many other social ills.

Our struggles differ, but our desire to overcome them is the same.

I saw something in her: a stranger I have never met before and will probably never meet again.

I saw a fighting spirit.

Things I thought I had lost in myself, but her yellow-stained eyes reflected it when I looked at her.

This woman stood before me with joy, a smile, and hope in her heart.

Like many others, she had to sacrifice a part of herself to get through life and reach this point, where she stood in front of me with a smile so broad I couldn’t help but smile too.

She speaks about the life she used to live without shame and her life now with pride. She embraces every challenge she has endured to get to where she is today.

We don’t share the same skin colour or the same mother tongue.

We don’t have the same economic standing or have the same employment status.

We don’t enjoy the same opportunities or possibilities nor are we the same age or grew up the same way.

But it is precisely those differences that make us the same.

The spirit of a warrior woman, one who doesn’t give up.

One who doesn’t have much but still gives.

Someone who doesn’t know it all but continues to learn.

This woman that I met yesterday;

A mother

A sister

A wife

A friend

A loved one.

This woman is me.

This woman is you.

She is all of us.

This post was orginally written and published in June 2018

JESUS, MY SAVIOUR

By Kimberly Fray / Jul 28, 2023 Jul 28, 2023

Broken, beaten, and bruised,
Alienated, ashamed, and forgotten,
I found myself on my knees,
No beauty, no prettiness,
Crushed by fear too heavy to bear.

Then you reached out your hand,
Your garment, my lifeline,
Thirsty, you quenched me with living waters,
Bruised, you touched me, and I was healed.

Hopeless and heartbroken,
You opened the floodgates,
Washing me clean,
Because of you, Jesus, I am saved.

Faithful God,
God of Mercy,
Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
God of grace, righteousness, joy, and love

You are the centre of my joy,
My life, my anchor, my compass,
Your presence is holy,
I cry out to you in the heavenly language,
I praise you with all that I am,
I give you all that I have.

In my troubled season,
When it seems I’m surrounded,
Jesus, you make a way,
God’s promises prevail, and He sets me free.

The world may enslave me,
But Jesus Christ is my Saviour!