Personal Development Archives - Page 6 of 6

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

By Kimberly Fray / May 13, 2021 May 13, 2021

PART 2 – LOVE IS SACRIFICE

God’s love is sacrifice. The most obvious and clear example of that sacrificial love is God giving His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus was God’s ultimate sacrifice, and still today Jesus continues to be a sacrifice for us because He continues to take our sins upon himself. That is how much Jesus loves us. He thinks of us first before he considers himself.

In Philippians 2 vs 3 Paul says the following:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves”

I love this verse because it makes things clear; don’t do anything out of selfish desires and humble yourself by thinking of others more important or significant than yourself.

Think of others first. Put others first. Don’t be selfish or do anything out of selfish motives.

That is how God loves us, and that is how we should love one another.

Marriage and love is putting another person’s needs before your own.

“the root of the word “sacrifice”. “Sacrifice” comes from Latin, which means, “to make holy.” The ultimate act of love is to sacrifice for another. In sacrificing for another we are actually sanctifying our soul. When the sacrament of marriage is lived according to God’s plan, spouses are daily challenged to make sacrifices for the sake of their beloved. God designed marriage as a means of growing in holiness with the ultimate goal of helping our spouse get to Heaven.”

Marriage shouldn’t be entered into with the mindset of “I’ll do this if you do that” It’s not a take-take situation. It’s all about giving.

In the Kingdom Marriage plan that I am following. The writer says the following:

“One reason so many couples turn in their rings (get divorced) is because they view marriage as a contract. A contract is a conditional agreement between two or more persons signifying that all parties will do something. Contracts get made for limited periods of time and are based on “if, then” statements. “If they do this, then I’ll do that” People enter into contracts because of what they’ll get out of them.”

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT

What I’ve learned over the past 2 months of being married is that marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. The same covenant you enter into when you choose God as your Lord and saviour is the same covenant you enter into when you choose your partner for life. We say vows when we get married and we say them before God.

The author of the plan says:

“A covenant is a divinely created bond meaning it is permanent. It has rules, responsibilities and benefits. Covenants are intimate relationships initiated for the benefit of the other person. In it, the good of the relationship takes precedence over the needs of the individual. This is why covenants make unconditional promises. Basically, it’s where God makes something official in the spiritual realm to be lived out in the physical world. After all, the wedding vows are made “before God” and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break the covenant with your spouse is to break it with God. “

When you and your spouse are both going into the marriage with the mindset of “I will put you first” both of you will benefit. Marriage cannot and should not be a selfish act.

marriage, sacrifice, love — Jared and myself on our wedding day

I love my husband, knowing and understanding that he is God’s child. I love him in a way that’s not suffocating but that gives him the freedom to grow as a man, husband, and father, in all areas of his life. Wanting him to succeed is one of the many reasons I pray for him all the time, more than I do for myself. I truly want to make him happy. I know he wants the same for me. The reason I know this is because we talk about it all the time. Both of us want to make the other happy and that makes us happy and brings us joy. I know when Jared is happy, I feel happy, and I know it’s the same for him.

Jared’s love for me is sacrificial because he always puts my needs before his own, but as his wife, I also need to understand when I have to give more than I take, and that can make all the difference in a marriage.

GOD IS LOVE.

To close, I want to remind you that love is from God. God is love. Loving God means loving people. Loving and accepting your spouse means loving and accepting Jesus.

Let God’s love be the anchor which holds your marriage down.

To read part 1 of this series, click here.

To follow the Kingdom marriage plan, click here.

A WRITER’S PRAYER

By Kimberly Fray / May 2, 2021 May 2, 2021

Lord, Your word says,

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do and He will establish your plans” — Proverbs 16 vs 3

I come to You today committing the work of my hands to You.

You Lord, have given me with the gift to write but today I am struggling Lord.

I have no fresh ideas, I don’t have the will to write, I feel lazy and discouraged.

I humbly come to You father and I ask for Your help.

Please fill me with Your presence and the will to work Lord.

Help me to do what You have planned for me to do so that I may bring glory to Your kingdom.

Take over my mind and heart and soul and may fresh anointed ideas spring from me like living waters.

Plant in me the seed that will produce Your good works Lord.

Give me the ability and the will to tap into the supernatural power that You have already placed in me

To send a message to Your people through the works of my hands.

Through the talent and gift of writing and words that You have given me.

I commit all that I do to You Father God.

My hands and my mind where ideas and inspiration flow Lord.

The message that I try to get out to the world through what I write, I commit it all to you.

Thank you, Father, that You chose me for this mission and I ask for Your guidance and wisdom as I continue on this journey and this path Lord.

I commit my life to You lay everything at Your feet and I ask you to take over Abba Father.

And in the mighty and beautiful name of Jesus, I declare today that I have no fear, doubt, or insecurities in my mind about the mission that You have assigned to me, Lord.

No weapon of laziness or tardiness or lack of motivation shall prosper against me Father, for You dwell within me and because You dwell within me

I can do anything because Christ, Your son, gives me strength.

I say thank you Lord that I can come to You and pray this prayer and I say thank You, Father.

Thank You for Your favour and anointing over my life and over the lives of everyone I hold dear.

I pray this in the wonderful and powerful name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 30, 2021 May 8, 2021

PART 1 – THE ROLE OF A MOTHER AND WIFE

As I’m writing this, my husband and myself have only been married for a month and a half. I know many people will probably read this post and think, what does she know but you’d be surprised what you can learn in a short space of time when you pay attention. The following post below is what God has put in my spirit during this month and a half that I’ve been married and has helped me understand what it means to have a kingdom marriage. I hope it speaks to you in some way too.

FIGHTING AND ARGUING IS INEVITABLE IN A MARRIAGE

Arguing, fighting and having disagreements don’t suddenly disappear when you get married. In fact, it might even increase. Something I’ve learned during this short time that I’ve been married is that prayer is powerful. You can pray through your problems, When your marriage is centered around Christ, He can help you through the difficult and uncomfortable times.

When you get married, the dynamics of your relationship changes. You feel it the moment you say your vows. There is a shift and you realise that the level of commitment has changed. You always need to remember the vows you took before God when you got married. I know I always do.

Marriage is from God and when you realise that, you know and understand how important it is.

marriage, kingdom, God, — An extract from a Devotional by Dr. Tony Evans

Something else that is vitally important to the life of your marriage is communication. You cannot disregard your spouse’s feelings in your marriage. You need to talk about it and find out why they are feeling the way they do. Communication is everything. I don’t believe the silent treatment works in a marriage. In fact, it could build up a wall in your home that will eventually be impossible to get over.

Seek God’s wisdom and guidance in your marriage. Refer to scriptures and pray with your spouse.

The world and social media shows us that you can get married and divorced on a whim but imagine if God married and divorced you on a whim? How would you feel if God just left you because He no longer felt like being in this relationship with you? Because that is what we have with God once we accept Him into our lives. We enter into a marriage with Him. A covenant. A relationship.

PURSUING A KINGDOM MARRIAGE

Through discussions, Jared and I realised that we want a Kingdom marriage. A definition shared by Dr. Tony Evans describes a Kingdom marriage as follows:

“a covenantal union between a man and a woman who commit themselves to function in unison under divine authority in order to replicate God’s image and expand His rule in the world through both their individual and joint callings”

So basically, you come together as a couple and you vow to expand God’s kingdom through what He has called you to do. You work on replicating the image of God in and through the world.

You are setting an example and a precedent for your children and all your future generations when you decide to enter into a marriage. It doesn’t matter if you come from a background where marriages didn’t work out, what matters is what you do going forward.

YOUR ROLE AS A WIFE AND MOTHER

As a woman, mother and wife, you have a God-given power to pray your family to prosperity. You have a gift to carry your family through trying and troubling times. As women, we sometimes forget how dear we are to God’s heart.

God made Eve for Adam because He saw that Adam needed someone. God saw that Adam needed strength and help and encouragement that only a woman can provide. You might be asking yourself; but why should I do all the work? Why should I be the one to create a space for my husband and children to grow and succeed?

The reason for that is because God gave you that power. God gave you that responsibility. Your family draws strength from you. Your nurturing spirit and your unlimited love and your ability to comfort. They draw from your determination to always do more and be more and to succeed.

As you draw strength from God, your family draws from you and by doing that, your family draws closer to God because they see how you pray and how you carry yourself and because you make God the centre of all that you love and cherish.

BE PATIENT

You will grow into your role, whatever that may be. You will never be a perfect woman, mother or wife but you can be a good one.

Follow the five-day reading plan for a Kingdom marriage here : Kingdom Marriage

TOXIC MASCULINITY – DEFINITION OF A MAN

By Joey Layton / Apr 23, 2021 Apr 23, 2021

Is it how we conduct ourselves in the presence of women and children, or how we go above and beyond to support and protect our family?

Is it determined by our physical strengths and toughness? Or how much respect we get from our peers?

What is toxic masculinity?

Over the years I started seeing the term “Toxic Masculinity” float around but I didn’t think much of it. I knew it was a negative connotation so maybe that’s why I distanced myself from it. I actually thought it was a derogatory term by feminists against men for no reason other than being born as a man. However, I couldn’t be further from the truth.

Toxic Masculinity is a defined set of attributes, behaviour and roles associated with boys and men. In essence, it’s a profile of males who judge anyone as weak if they don’t abide by their image. They have a culture, albeit a dying one, of living with a “men don’t cry” motto. If you show signs of weakness through emotion then you lose your identity of what it means to be a “real man”. I find the whole concept very damaging and divisive. I don’t need any factual evidence to prove this has a detrimental effect on men’s mental health.

Alpha male is another term I read quite often about nowadays. I place it as a sub-category under the toxic masculinity umbrella. It’s men who have power, money and influence which they gained through mostly intimidation. Alpha men tend to prowess a combination of characteristics that propels them up the social hierarchy. However, I don’t view their values to be any better than mine or men they perceive to be below them. I don’t need to be labelled as any specific type of man – I’m me and that’s enough. You’re not better than me just because of the size of your wallet or how you might have more success in attracting females than I do.

Dealing with insecurities

These types of men maintain a fake image due to their insecurities. The fear of being judged by so-called better men. A competitive internal battle that destroys a man’s soul without him ever admitting his struggles because he refuses to ask for help.

Insecurities can lead to aggressive behaviour such as domestic abuse. It’s dangerous how many men are bottling up their emotions and yet could explode at any moment. True masculinity is leadership, strength, courage and ambition. All vital attributes that can take any man as far as he wants in life if he chooses to use them wisely.

What does it mean to be a man?

Men who prowess these skills think about themselves and the people who matter the most to them such as family. He focuses on his dreams rather than pleasing others.

He doesn’t care about negativity and isn’t afraid to show signs of frailty.

He combines moments of doubt and sadness into positive outcomes through rational decisions and learns from experience.

Eradicating toxic masculinity probably won’t ever happen, however we can limit the damage it causes to vulnerable men and boys. It starts with the education system. Young boys need to learn that it’s okay to feel different to others. No question should be left unanswered and boys should be encouraged to express their emotions without being labelled as weak.

The second is to confront potential harmful behaviour. For example, some guys need to be spoken to regarding their misogynist bullying towards women. We can’t continue to remain silent and let insults slide under the carpet. Intervention is key to any progressive society.

The third, although not the final as there are many avenues, is being the best role model to yourself. All actions have consequences, but they can also be used for a greater cause. Be a man who is known in his local community as someone who respects, love and inspires everyone around him. Be an example for young boys to look up to.

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You can follow Joey here:

Blog: Concealed Voices

Linktree: Social Media

WORK WHILE YOU WAIT

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 20, 2021 Apr 22, 2021

What does that mean?

It means that while you wait for God to give you a sign as to which direction your life has to take, you work.

You work on yourself and your career.

You work on your family and your relationships.

You work on strengthening your mind and your body.

You work on your spiritual self.

Work on the now.

You work on what you can control and let God the do rest.

You don’t sit around and wait for things to happen.

Don’t focus on what everyone else is doing.

Don’t compare your success to that of others.

Don’t be discouraged when things don’t happen immediately.

Just keep working.

Then rest.

Then continue working.

SEASONS.

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 10, 2021 Apr 10, 2021

We are all in different seasons of our lives. It might not be the season you want to be in but right now, it is your season.

It’s the one you need.

Winter doesn’t shy away after the warm months have gone when it’s her turn to wrap us in a cold cocoon.

Autumn doesn’t become sad when the leaves turn from green to yellow to brown.

Spring patiently waits her turn to release her cherry blossoms after months of being in hiding.

This is your time to grow, to plant seeds for the next season.

To sow and to harvest.

You cannot skip it or avoid it.

You can’t get to the next season without getting through your current season.

There is a time for everything.

You cannot watch others bloom when it is their time and be upset because the same thing is not happening to you at that very moment.

Nothing in nature works that way; no flower keeps watch over another flower.

It simply blooms.

When its time has come, its petals fall to the ground and it does so with grace and elegance.

Its petals do not force their way back onto the stem.

Bloom when it is your time.

A flower grows where it is planted, where it is born, between weeds or between concrete.

It makes its surroundings beautiful.

Make your surroundings beautiful.

You have a purpose now, right where you are. No matter the season.

Whether your current season is five days, ten weeks, or 15 years, you need to submit and commit yourself to it.

If you believe God placed you here, know that it was with a purpose in mind.

Everything happens for a reason.

The hard part is being patient.

Kimberly Fray

Kimberly is a writer, blogger and poet. She is married to musician Jared Fray and they live in Johannesburg, South Africa with their two children.
Kimberly has had several of her poems published in poetry journals and also works as a news producer.

ITS’ NEVER TOO LATE TO START.

By Kimberly Fray / Apr 5, 2021 May 20, 2021

Many of us have felt the pressure to achieve goals and resolutions in the new year. Many of us (myself included) haven’t done many goal-orientated things since the start of the year. Today I want to remind you that you can start now, where you and with what you have.

Your goals don’t have to be visible to the world. You are not in competition with anyone.

We’ve all heard the saying, “You are not in competition with anyone but yourself” . However, I think we need to do away with that idea and adopt a new narrative. When you compete, you are ultimately trying to win at something.

When we compete with ourselves, we forget to see what we’ve already achieved and how far we have come. We are only focused on what we don’t have and how far we still have to go.

You are allowed to appreciate your progress.

You don’t have to compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

Love the person that you were yesterday. That person contributed to who you are today and will add to who you will be tomorrow. Don’t compete with yourself.

Use all of who you are to finish your race.