The evening lights whizzed past me in a blur, I stared out the window, watching the moon smile and follow the cab I was in. A cell phone rang in the front seat of the car but the driver didn’t answer. He ignored it and stared ahead. Mm, maybe someone was calling him who he was upset with but then my mind started racing.
What if? What if he murdered someone and the body is in the boot and the phone belongs to the person he killed??
I can’t believe I’m in a car with a total stranger?! Why do we check the number plate but never check what’s in the boot??
That’s what we do as people anyway. At least most of the time. We look at the outer of a person and don’t always investigate what is going on within.
And once we do, it’s almost always too late toturn back.
Just like we make a conscious decision to get into a cab with a total stranger, we make a conscious decision to get involved with someone we don’t know and then wonder how we ended up in the boot of a car. Decomposing in the back, with a phone showing a hundred missed calls.
Sometimes we get lucky and end up where we are supposed to: we say thank you for the memories and hope that the next time we get into another stranger’s car, the ride will be just as smooth.
I found myself at a crossroads in this election. For the first time since I started voting at the age of 34, I chose not to cast my vote for the African National Congress. This decision weighed heavily on me, as the organisation once represented so much hope for a brighter future for South Africa. The organisation that gave us Nelson Mandela, who was not only a great statesman who left behind an extraordinary legacy, but he also shifted my allegiance in 1995 from the New Zealand All Blacks, who boasted the remarkable Jonah Lomu, to the South African rugby team which at that time had only one black player, Chester Williams.
Former President Nelson Mandela shakes the hand of Springbok player, Chester Williams.
The path to joining the organisation has been a challenging one, especially following the tragic murder of the reveredSteve Biko by the apartheid regime. Banning the Black People’s Convention (BPC) and the South African Students’ Organization (SASO), of which I was a member in my youth, significantly heightened the challenge. I was faced with deciding whether to join thePan African Congress (PAC), which had broken away from the ANC due to its stance that: “the land belongs to all who live in it, both black and white “. Despite this, I firmly believed that the ANC was the organisation that would effectively fight for and get us the freedom we so desperately sought.
I also grappled with the reality that two of my childhood friends (we went to the same school and church and were in the same Christian youth group) made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom we enjoy today. Cliffie Brown (aka Alf Sigale) and three of his comrades were killed in a firefight with the apartheid security forces after a planned rocket attack on the Mobil Oil Refinery in Wentworth, Durban. Leon Meyer (aka Joe) and his wife, Jacqueline Quinn, were assassinated in a raid in Maseru, Lesotho, byEugene De Kockand his cohorts, who were also sent by the apartheid regime. These raiders left Leon and Jacqueline’s infant daughter alive but alone for hours. The question then for me: should I honour their memory and once again cast my vote for the ANC, the organisation to which they had dedicated their lives?
Steve Biko
This decision was tough, but I firmly believe it is essential for the future of our nation. The current version of the ANC does not align with the ideals I and so many others once held. It does not embody the principles for which Cliffie and Leon sacrificed their lives.
The ANC has repeatedly abused its majority over the last three government terms. It is crucial to address this recurring behaviour. The ANC must realise that its authority to govern the country comes from the people. Once they understand this, they will be compelled to prioritise serving the very people who have entrusted them with such power.
As I entered the voting booth and cast my ballot for a new party participating in the elections for the first time, I experienced mixed emotions. Instead of feeling guilty, I left the booth with a sense of sadness. It pained me to realise that the organisation I had previously placed my trust in had lost my support. For me to contemplate supporting them once more, they must, as an organisation, truly embody the principles that initially gained my trust.
Lessons in life will be taught, until they are learned.
Recently, my phone reset back to factory settings; I lost all my apps, my contacts, my photos, videos, my notes I made on my notepad, everything. The phone was completely emptied of anything that has ever represented me or anything to show who I am, what I hold dear and what I love and enjoy. Everything was gone.
Naturally, I was upset. How could years of data simply disappear without warning? I thought to myself, why does this have to happen to me?
Then it hit me.
You see, my phone and everything that was ever on it, was basically a part of me. I always have my phone in my hands. I have it on my side table next to our bed. I have it in hand when I go anywhere and everywhere. I am always scrolling on social media and my head is always down, looking at this small screen in my hand. My phone was my Bible.
It was during the hours that my phone was formatted and it was off; I had time to think and God was speaking to me – He basically told me in no uncertain terms, there will be no other gods before Him.
My phone was the one thing that I could not live without and if you read my previous blog post, you’d know that I have been struggling spiritually – I haven’t been able to read my Bible, to speak to God or just simply experience the Holy Spirit.
And now my phone basically crashes and I come to the realisation that I have been prioritising everything else above Jesus. I have been worshipping my phone, social media and everything else that comes with having this device.
The reason that I have been struggling in my relationship with God is simply because I have turned my back on Him and I have put other things before Him.
You might be reading this and rolling your eyes and thinking, ‘not another life lesson’ – that’s probably what I would do if I didn’t believe that God uses every opportunity and every experience to show Himself. This is what I know to be true and I know that anything that takes the place of Jesus in your life, is another form of worship- whether its your phone, your friends, your job or career. If God doesn’t take priority in your life, if He is not at the center of everything, that message will be made clear to you in some way, shape or form.
I have been making the mistake of picking up my phone in the morning, before I even open up my Bible. I like and laugh at videos on social media, before I even write or share something from the Bible. I read other people’s stories but don’t share my own testimony and truth be told, I have so much to share.
This is what I am doing by writing and sharing this post. I am testifying about what God has done for me over the past day and I hope to instill in you a sense of faith that God will show up for you exactly when you need it and hope that it doesn’t matter how far you fall, Jesus is always there. He is exactly where you left him, that as a child of God, He will always be there to guide you, to correct you and to lead you onto the right path. And the knowledge, that nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate us from the love of God.
God works in mysterious ways. I have been going through a season where I’ve been experiencing a spiritual drought; I’ve been struggling to pray. I haven’t read my Bible, I haven’t been speaking to God, and I haven’t been able to listen to worship music – I’ve been struggling and feeling so guilty. It’s been going on for weeks, but some light came through the darkness today. I went to church this morning, even though, at some point, I told myself I didn’t want to go. Remember how I said I haven’t been able to pray? Well, today, I prayed, and I cried. But let me start at our praise and worship rehearsal earlier in the week, on Thursday. I wasn’t myself; I couldn’t worship sincerely, and my heart, soul, and spirit weren’t there. Then, my husband asked me to pray at the rehearsal, which I did, but I wasn’t entirely in it. Now to Sunday, today—I was asked to pray at our pre-service prayer, and then I was asked to pray again when the actual service started to open. I almost found it comical, but I knew God was working. He put me in a public place where I had to pray for others and made me realize it wasn’t about me. The people who came to the service this morning needed a touch from Jesus, myself included, and the Lord gave me that by putting me in a position where I had to pray for others. It all brought me to tears throughout the entire Sunday service. At some point, I was on my knees, simply giving thanks to God for working in my life, bringing me back to His throne, and helping me find my way back to Him. I am not 100% okay yet, but the walls are definitely coming down. For now, for today, this is my testimony about what God did in my life today, and I am truly grateful.
PS: I have also been battling with my writing and my creativity. This is the first blog post I’ve shared in weeks, and I credit it all to Jesus. Another thing I am grateful for.
I did the one thing I’ve always wanted to do but it was also the one thing I was most afraid of doing and guess what? nothing happened. This is what I discovered when I recently published my first book. I’ve been holding on to the idea of being a published author, to have a book out in public and have people read it and now it is out there. I’ve conquered that fear and nothing happened.
There is nothing on the other side of fear; just life moving on swiftly. Children still need to go to school, dinner still has to be cooked, work still has to be done, laundry still has to be folded, the weather changes every other day. The sun rises and the sun sets and through all this, that one thing that you’ve been afraid to do, that one thing, and let’s be honest, not many people care about, is holding you hostage. So what do you do?
You do the one thing you’re afraid of doing and move on. Because in truth, the only one who you are truly afraid of judging you or criticizing you, is you.
We are our own true enemies of progress.
If I think about it and maybe I am only speaking for myself but maybe we are not afraid of doing the thing that we are afraid of doing; publishing the book, releasing the song, traveling to that place or whatever it is that is keeping you hostage. Maybe we are afraid of making ourselves visible, telling and showing the world, “Hey, I’m out here!” because once you are out there, once you release something or do something or say something, there is a certain pressure on you to keep doing it. To keep delivering and what if you can’t deliver again? What then?
But the thing is, you are still you, you can still do it and you can do it again and again. Once you do it the first time, I suspect it gets easier from there. I’m not saying I will never feel fear again or that I won’t be afraid to try new things again, I’m simply saying that once you get on the other side of it, you’ll see it wasn’t so scary after all.
So here is my advice; do the thing you are most afraid of doing. Once you jump off that metaphorical cliff, you’ll realise you were actually just two feet from the ground.
I have decided to set some goals for myself which I’ve dubbed Soul Goals. These are the goals that will feed my soul and my spirit and create inner peace and healing. I think as much as we want external success in terms of our careers and families and financial state, having inner success is much more important and can actually contribute to the external goals and successes. I think there is also less pressure to showcase these soul goals but its equally important that you work on it every single day.
One way I have found to work on it, is to journal; to write down everything about my day. The good and the bad and see where I’ve achieved these special goals.
So here are a few of my personal soul goals. I will probably add to it as time goes on.
Be present in every moment and take in everything around you; the sun, sky, flowers, sounds and smells
Listen more intently
Be more loving
Be kinder
Visit new places
Be more positive
Journal more
Spend more time in God’s presence
Write and read more poetry
Rest when necessary
Take more pictures and more videos
Take more walks
Appreciate every single day, find the good in every day
Forgive yourself
Smile more; at loved ones and at strangers
Play more games
Appreciate your own physical self; take care of your health
Love yourself – You are wonderfully and fearfully made
Let go of the guilt
Don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself and doing things that you enjoy
Stop rushing through every day, walk slower, breath slower
These might seem insignificant when others have bigger goals of buying cars and homes and growing in their careers, which are all amazing and I too have some of those goals but I have felt lately that I have neglected my inner being, my inner child and I’m hoping by working on these soul goals, I will be able to achieve more peace within my spirit and take care of the inner self.
I don’t want to pretend that I am not exhausted or that my body doesn’t feel like it is giving in. I’ve had a very long yearbut, at the same time, a very short year. There have been some disappointments, heartaches, and frustrating moments throughout this year, and it has all come to a head and I don’t want to undermine the fact that it has been overwhelming. I don’t want to fake excitement going into the new year; I don’t want to pretend that I have it all figured out. I am exhausted and I don’t have a solid plan yet. I simply don’t have the energy. Many of us are struggling with the same thing. Still, we have created this culture of having to be so up and ready for the new year. To be excited, make resolutions and goals for the new year, the next phase of our lives, but I’m sure that it is okay to go into the new year in the current phase or state that you’re in. If you are tired, sad, exhausted, frustrated, or feeling a myriad of emotions, there is genuinely no pressure for you to get rid of it before the clock strikes 12 on January 1st. There is no pressure. God will still be there on the other side. He will still be there to help you get through it. Whether that is now or next year, it’s okay to go into the new year feeling like you do.
Just as you enter the new year, give it all to God and leave it all in His hands. He requires us to not lean on our understandingor rushing to plan our lives to a T and write down goals. Don’t get me wrong, I am not discouraging planning your life or your year. If you don’t achieve or haven’t completed all you set out to do, it’s okay.
Don’t carry that disappointment of unachieved goals so heavily that you crucify yourself and feel completely hopeless. There is still hope for those who have reached our limits and are running on empty. I have rested, spent a few days with family, lazed around, laughed, and played games, but I’m still tired. Not all of my exhaustion suddenly disappeared, and not all of my ill feelings have been dealt with, which is fine. I hope you can enter the new year, knowing that whatever you feel, it is okay to feel that way. There is no pressure to do things immediately and hurriedly. There is a quote I love that says;
“I may not know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future” You’ve done your best; now let God do the rest.
Do you realize that time never stops? It’s always moving. Sometimes it flutters by like a butterfly And other times it strolls past, in no rush With all at ease. But it is always moving forward. Changing. Even when we don’t. Especially when we don’t. Time keeps moving. It truly waits for no one It doesn’t check or looks back To see if you’re following or keeping up It doesn’t shout back and tells you to hurry up. Time is it’s own master
And you can either be it’s slave Or it’s partner
It feels no pity for you It doesn’t share in your joy when you make it It doesn’t get angry when you ask it to wait or slow down Time is determined It is disciplined It is silent in its dominance It knows nothing of excuses or procrastination It changes days and seasons It moves with purpose and answers to no one Time has no attachments It does not love It does not own It does not desire And in that lies it’s power.
If you believe that you are working and walking in the will of God and if you believe that everything you are doing and experiencing is part of a bigger God-ordained plan for your life, then you must know that nothing is by chance. Everything you’re doing and experiencing; the ladders you are climbing and the opportunities that are coming your way and every door that you walk through, every meeting you attend, every person you meet, every place where you find yourself, it is all part of God’s will and purpose for your life. Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is by chance. Everything is anointed and should be treated as such. If that is truly what you believe and what you know, then you should take nothing for granted. You should set your mind on things above. You should treat every meeting, every person you come in contact with, every opportunity, and every level of access you acquire as if it is coming directly from above. Directly from God. Because again, if you’re tapped into the vision God has given you and the messages from God, it most likely will come to pass and you need to make sure that you are always prepared. For this reason, you always need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You always need to remember what the root core of everything that you are doing, is. You need to be in the Spirit at all times. If you haven’t finished your mission, why are you asleep? Why are you wasting your own time? Why are you not meditating on the Word or in the Spirit? Why are you playing games? Have you done what God has called you to do? Are you really done? Never mind what everyone else is doing; keep to your business unless God tells you to involve another. Pray over everything. Consult God about everything. We are not merely here to live and then die. We have a purpose and a mission and it’s our responsibility to pursue that.
Everything beautiful is what I desire Walking on the beach, shoes in hand A sunset or sunrise peeking over the horizon Rainy days in a warm library I smell old and lovely books before I even turn their pages Long walks with no destination but everywhere to explore Fields of wildflowers, long stretches of open land And the purest of air I can breath I desire to get away from the hustle and bustle The concrete jungle, if you will I want to create snow angels and see thousands of stars Shine back at me as I lay on fresh-cut grass The life I desire is simple Close but somehow still out of reach It is everything beautiful Mountainous views that seem as if they reach right up to heaven It is almost like it is God’s footstool Everything Beautiful Everything that brings peace, serenity, love and joy That is what my heart desires.
