Personal Development

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BUILDING KINGDOM WEALTH

WOMEN’S CONFERENCE

This past weekend, I attended a women’s conference at our church. Pastor Gugu Dlamini was the keynote speaker and delivered some great advice and in many ways opened my eyes to many things which I either forgot or were never aware off. As a child of God and in my role as a wife, mother and just a woman, I often find myself in a mental state where I feel so lost. I feel hopeless, I feel utterly exhausted and attending this conference reminded me where I should find my strength. Funny thing is, I told myself I wouldn’t be able to attend the conference because I would be working but God had other plans.

The most important or rather one of the most important take-aways for me was the fact that as a woman, married or not or whether you have kids or not you have a big responsibility in the kingdom of God. You are more valuable than you know and you have so much more power than you realise and its time that we not only tap into it but also use it to change the world.

Pastor Gugu started off by explaining how we can live a life of truth. The truth is the Word of God. She explained that the truth about you, your husband, your family and your future are all already laid out and if you want to find it, you need to spend time in the Word of God. She not only said it, but she proved it by referencing several scriptures. The thing is however, the Word of God can only be your truth, if you believe it.

She said that faith is the currency of a Christian.

PSALM 112 VS 2-3 :

Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.

To be honest, I wish I had recorded her the entire time but I felt that it was important to be in the moment and take in the teaching hence I’m only sharing key points.

JOHN 10 VS 10:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

When you operate in the currency of faith, you know and trust that God will fulfill his promises to you and to you it doesn’t matter how long it will take. You know when God says He will, it is already done.

JEREMIAH 1 VS 10:

See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.

Pastor Gugu unpacked the above scripture. She said that when she reads a scripture, she not only reads it, but she reads and tries to understand every word and I’d like to share with you here what she shared with us.

UPROOT:

Uproot all that is not of God and introduce a new standard.

TEAR DOWN / PULL DOWN:

Pull down and tear down any demonic force within your family and your household.

DESTROY:

Destroy everything that is not aligned with God.

OVERTHROW:

Overthrow the enemy.

BUILD AND PLANT:

Start building towards the kingdom of God. Direct your household and stay in the gospel.

green leafy plant starting to grow on beige racks
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JOSHUA 1 VS 5:

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

On day two of the conference, we discussed kingdom wealth and how to implement strategies to gain wealth. Pastor Gugu shared some of the following points:

  1. Being a helper is not a subordinate position – she referenced the story of Adam and Eve and asked us why did God decide to make Adam a helper.
  2. A helper can only help when there’s a vision – your husband needs to have a vision for your family so that you can help him bring that vision to life.
  3. As a woman, you get your plan from the Word of God.
  4. Read the Word of God with a strategy in mind. Don’t just read for the sake of reading, but read so that you can understand what is the plan that God has for your life and that of your family.
  5. Recognise the gifting of your children -And pray that God will help you harness those gifts.
  6. We are not led by money, we are led by the Spirit.
  7. We get blessed because we are obedient.
  8. Be a blessing everywhere you go.
  9. We operate in the Supernatural.
  10. Pray the Word of God so that the Word can go work on the things you prayed over.

IMPLEMENTING STRATEGIES

Again, Pastor Gugu highlighted that as Christians, faith is our currency. This means that it doesn’t matter what your circumstances are or what’s happening around you, that you will find rest and peace in the presence of God. That was something that I especially needed to hear.

Ecclesiastes 2 vs 26:

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

  1. You please God by operating in faith.
  2. Wealth comes when you start believing the Word of God and start implementing what it says.
  3. Revelations 5 vs 12 confirms Ecclesiastes 2 vs 26
  4. God can’t act if you don’t exercise your faith.
close up shot of a woman praying
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REVELATIONS 5 VS 12:

 Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

POWER: Meaning jurisdiction / rule over your circumstances.

WEALTH: Operate in three dimensions of wealth.

WISDOM: The knowledge of God.

STRENGTH: Inner strength – Spirit of God will rise in you.

HONOUR: Even if you are last, you will be first. God will qualify you as long as you apply in faith.

GLORY AND PRAISE: Arriving in in fullness – operating fully in your gifts.

FINAL NOTES

It’s obviously impossible for me to share the entirety of the wealth of knowledge that was shared during that conference but I think you get the idea of what we learned or at least, what I learned. The experience was different for every woman who attended. I hope by reading this, you also find some comfort and direction.

Here are some final points:

  1. Whatever God has called you to do, do it.
  2. God will open divine connections for y0ou once you start operating in the fullness of who He is.
  3. You need to have an unbelievable reliance on God.
  4. Understand where God is posting you.
  5. Change the conversations in your home.
  6. Always consult God.

I loved that the conference took place over two days; the last day of September and the first day of October. It sort of felt like the ending of something but also the beginning of a new season.

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THE LONELY WRITER

Being a writer is a very lonely thing to be.
Unlike a band of musicians working together to create a symphony;
a writer is but one person.

You are all alone with just your thoughts. A pen, and a paper, trying to make sense of the loneliness. You hope someone will understand but knowing no one ever will.

It’s a very lonely place to be.
In a room by yourself, writing about loneliness.
The words on a page holding you together granted you should
crumble if you don’t let it flow from the ink.

Yes, it’s very lonely. Very quiet indeed.

Words not like music are silent, unassuming, and not demanding. Gentle almost. The silence is deafening.
If not for the sound of your breathing and the slide of the pen, you would almost think you were dead.

Alone and dead with only a pen and page as your companion.

Only the brave ones know where writing truly stems from
and where it takes you
The places in your mind and imagination that you thought you had forgotten. The memories you never knew you had. The dreams you never dared speak of.

It’s a road not travelled at all.
A sad and painful place where the rivers
are made out of tears.
Very lonely. Very heartbreaking.

Very beautiful indeed.

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WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM RUNNING A BUSINESS- PART THREE

Have you ever heard or read the quote, “Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned”, well that quote rings very true for me, especially since we started our business.
I’ve experienced it time and time again and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to give up. How many times I’ve told my husband I quit and how many times I wanted to cry because I messed up.
It’s been a very difficult journey and the funny part is, we’re less than two years old and I already feel as if I’ve experienced the most.
As always, I continue to learn lessons; I don’t always learn immediately and sometimes I can’t see the lesson and, those are the days I want to give up but I find that when I take a breath and forgive myself; I can see more clearly.
So here are a few more lessons I’ve learned since we started Fray Music Academy.

OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKES

This is a difficult one; not just in business but in life. However, when it comes to business, your mistakes could cost you money or your business entirely. It’s vital for the life of your business and your reputation that you own up when you’ve made a mistake, that way you can still salvage relationships with clients and employees. They will appreciate the honesty.

Better to have a moment of awkwardness than to have a lifetime of regret.

DON’T COMPARE YOUR JOURNEY WITH THAT OF OTHERS

I’ve done this one a lot. I’ve compared where I am in life and in business with those who have been running their business for years and then I realise that its silly to do that. Social media, the internet and the age of the influencer have caused us to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves because of the unrealistic expectations we think we need to prescribe to. Take your time to build whatever it is you’re building and stop comparing your journey to that of others.

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DON’T GET TOO COMFORTABLE WITH WHERE YOU ARE CURRENTLY

Always strive to grow. There is nothing valuable for you in your comfort zone. The only thing about growing is that it’s not comfortable and most people don’t want to experience discomfort.

DON’T RUN AWAY FROM CHALLENGES

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to avoid a difficult conversation with a client or parent or just wanted to avoid anything which I knew would be difficult to handle or discuss but once you’ve dealt with the difficult situation, you’ll realise it wasn’t so bad after all.

LEARN FROM OTHERS AND IMPLEMENT WHAT YOU LEARN

It’s pointless just reading up on others and then not trying what worked for them. It might not always work for you but at least you can say you tried.

BE PREPARED TO FAIL AND PACK UP SHOP

But then be prepared and willing to start again. If that’s what you want.

THINK OF WAYS TO EXPAND YOUR BUSINESS AND DIVERSIFY ON YOUR BUSINESS OR COMPANY

We recently had a guest speaker join us in one of our meetings and he pointed out that as a business you need to diversify and expand your services. This will not only allow your business to grow but will also open up other avenues for your brand or business.

BE WILLING TO HAVE THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR EMPLOYEES

Your staff or employees are human, just like you but there will come a time when you will either have to let someone go or you will have to deal with a staff member who is not pulling their weight and this won’t always be easy but its important that these difficult conversations are had.

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ALWAYS REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED

This will help you during those times when you feel like giving up and you feel as if you can’t go on. Always remember what your motivation was for when you started.

WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN

You will forget things. Have a designated notebook for your business, have reminders on your phone and calendar.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP

This falls in line with the last point in this post as well but you don’t always need to seek help from those within your company. Sometimes asking for help means asking for advice from other business owners or simply asking your staff to pick up more work if you feel overwhelmed. There is no shame in asking for help. Personally, this is one lesson that I had to learn the hard way.

MANAGE YOUR TIME WELL

This is especially important if you work two jobs like me. I work as a news producer and on my off days, I manage our music school. Besides the work aspects of my life; I am also a wife and mom of two so you can imagine what my days look like. It’s important to get a handle of everything and to designate a time to all your projects and errands.

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FOCUS ON WHAT YOU’RE BUSY WITH AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

Mistakes can happen very easily when you try to do too much all at once. When you’re done with one thing, then you move on to the next. I know multi-tasking can sound amazing but sometimes its better to just focus on one thing at a time.

PLAN EVERYTHING

Don’t leave anything to chance and try to be prepared for any eventuality. This goes hand in hand with the point about managing your time.

MAKE SURE YOU HIRE STAFF WHO SHARE YOUR VISION

Don’t just hire people to get the job done but find people who see and share your vision and who are willing to build with you. An employee will either make or break your business.

ALWAYS INCLUDE YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER

If you have a business partner, always make sure you run everything past that person or discuss it with your business partner. This is especially important if you and this person started this business from the very beginning. That is the beauty of having a partner, you never have to deal with anything alone.

BE PATIENT

Nothing happens overnight. Pace yourself and let things happen as and when it should.

I know as our business grows, I know that we will continue to add more lessons to this list. As an entrepreneur, you never really stop learning and you never stop growing.

timelapse photography of white train

MISSING THE TRAIN

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES IS LIKE MISSING THE TRAIN

I’ve been thinking a lot about missed opportunities of late. It reminds me of the feeling of missing the train, you are so close and you just make it through the turnstiles but you are just not in time. You do that run-walk, hoping against all hope that by some one in a million chance that the train will wait for you. But you know very well, that will not be happening.

You know that the train only stops for a minute and then it’s gone.

Much like opportunity and effort.

You do just enough to get close enough but you don’t push through to the final test. You know how desperately you want chance or that opportunity but you are unwilling to run the race to the end; its either too hard or you just don’t have faith and you don’t believe that you can do it. In fact, maybe some part of you believes you don’t deserve it. So you don’t go all out, you just do enough to say, ‘I tried’ and then live your life always wondering what would have happened if I just took the risk? if I just went all out on this, what would have happened ? What is on the other side of this fear and hesitation?

GETTING ON THE TRAIN TAKES BRAVERY

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve experienced that. I’m not sure if it’s because of imposter syndrome or fear, maybe a bit of both but I always find myself thinking about all the opportunities I’ve missed because I wasn’t brave enough to step into that opportunity that was wide open in front of me.

Something else I’ve realised is, that we always need to be ready for any opportunity. Poor planning is my Achilles’ heel. It’s a really bad habit and because of my poor planning, I’m never prepared for opportunities when they arise. There have been times when I’ve been blessed despite this weakness and things worked out for my good. However, most times, I end up missing the train and I have to wait again and that wait, my friends, is long.

shallow focus photography of railway during sunset
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WE ARE ALL AFTER OPPORTUNITIES

Some of us will just do more to get it. Have you ever waited for the train on the platform, you hear it come along and then all of a sudden, everyone standing there with you, waiting for the same train, gets ready to get on the train. Others have been waiting and ready since they arrived, then there are those who are still sitting, on their phones and not seeing what’s coming and then there are those, who are running down the stairs, trying to make it, knowing they are late but again, hoping that they will get a chance to get on the train. Often those people, only get a glimpse of the train as it leaves the platform.

What I’ve experienced when I wait for the train is when that train arrives, people will push you aside to get onto that train, they want the best seats or simply a chance to sit and be comfortable. Those people don’t wait for the passengers to get off before they get on, they get on the train while others are disembarking. They don’t care who gets squished or stepped on, they simply want their opportunity to get onto that train and if you’re not quick enough and sometimes not aggressive enough, you will be left behind.

man in gray and black stripes shirt in train station looking towards train door
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REACHING YOUR DESTINATION

The truth of the matter is that once you do get on the train, whether you’re sitting or standing, there is always a view and you are well on your way to your destination. We all have a place in our minds where we wish to go, things we want to do and places we want to see but if I’ve learned anything, these last few years, is that you won’t get there if you don’t get moving. And if you take a minute to lift your eyes of your phone and take a look around you, you might find that your opportunity is on that train.

It’s all about the journey, right?

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WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM RUNNING A BUSINESS – PART TWO

I previously wrote a blog on what I’ve learned from running a business but due to the fact that I continuously learn and things continue to change and grow, I thought I would write a part two.

If you would like to read the previous post, you can find it here.

VALUE YOUR EMPLOYEES

Your employees are the lifeblood of your business. When they feel valued and appreciated, they will give more than what you ask. It’s important to remember that people who work for you, also have lives, families, other responsibilities and its important to take these things into consideration when making decisions.

LEARN NEW SKILLS

It’s always important to learn new skills when you are a business owner and especially when you are just starting out. Skills that are important to learn are marketing, communication, human resources and financial management. There are a ton of books available on these exact topics.

DEAL WITH YOUR CLIENTS’ GRIEVANCES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND AS GRACEFUL AS POSSIBLE

Your clients are just as important as your employees. Your clients or customers will not always be happy with you and there will be times when grievances are brought to the fore. It’s important to take note of all the issues your clients / customers are unhappy with and deal with them as soon as they come up. Letting issues fester will only cause it to get worse.

YOU NEED TO PUT IN THE HOURS

Yes, you get tired. It’s easy to veg out in front of the television and tell yourself you’ll do that thing tomorrow or later but when later comes, something else will take priority. When you’re building a business, especially in the beginning stages, its vitally important to put in the time and work on and for your business, even when you are exhausted. I have a day job as a news producer and when I get home, I am a mom and a wife but once the kids are down, then for a couple of hours, I need to be a business owner and work on building my company alongside my husband. We do have our days when we procrastinate but we always regret it. It’s better to put in the hours today so that you can see the results tomorrow.

thoughtful man writing on paper at table
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STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND START DOING IT

As business owners, we all have things we want to do for our business to make it better, to grow and to make more money or gain more clients. It’s easy to speak about these things but much harder to put it into practice. It’s important to try new things and to attempt new strategies. Even if it fails, at least you know that you tried.

TAKE RISKS

We all know the saying, “No risk, no reward” I’ve found that to be very true since starting this entrepreneurship journey. You will never know what’s on the other side of this journey if you don’t take a few risks. It doesn’t just have to be financial risks but it can be putting your trust in someone and hoping against all hope that they won’t cost you your business.

SEARCH OUT OPPORTUNITIES TO SHOWCASE YOUR BUSINESS

For us as a music school it can be competitions, showcases, events and networking opportunities. It’s important to put your business out there so that people can be made aware that you exist. It also helps you to make connections and network with other people in your industry and we all know that your network equals your net worth.

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DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL BUT DON’T PLAN TO FAIL

As I said before, you will fail and you will make mistakes and it’s important not to be ignorant of that fact. Don’t plan to fail but be prepared in any event. Failure is simply part of the journey.

INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESS

Invest time and money into your business. This is especially if you’re building something that you want to last for a lifetime.

KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR COMPETITORS AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND THEN DO IT BETTER

I’m not saying stalk your competitors but visit their websites and check out what they are doing. What do they have that you don’t . What are they doing that you aren’t and see if its something you can implement or even do better.

INVEST IN YOUR EMPLOYEES

This is an important one. Your employees are your capital. Invest in them, train them and encourage them. Let them know they matter and give them room to grow. Make them a part of the business and involve them in the growth of the business.

LEARN TO LOVE THE ADMIN

This is especially important in the beginning stages of your company when you are still very hands on in the business. Eventually you will be able to hire people to do the admin but until that happens, learn to love the admin side of the business. It’s hard and tiring but it helps you to see where your business is going and how its growing.

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FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR YOUR MISTAKES

This is a hard one, especially for someone like me. I can be very hard on myself and I hate making mistakes in the business because I know I work with clients, I work with people’s children and their money and time and it’s important for me to do it right but I am flawed, just like everyone else and making mistakes will always be a part of the process. Once you see the lesson in the mistake, forgiveness will come.

STAY CALM WHEN DEALING WITH AN ANGRY OR UPSET CLIENT

Again, like I said in the previous point, I work with people, their children and their time and money and clients, especially parents don’t want to waste their time and money on something that will not be worth the investment. Sometimes you will upset your client and it won’t always be your fault but be gracious about it. Be understanding and always remain calm. Exploding on a customer or client will never help the situation.

POLISH UP ON YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Communication is key in everything. Again, this is important when you are hands on in your business and you deal with clients, customers and investors directly. It’s important to know how to speak to people, how to articulate yourself and how to relay messages. This is one of the reasons my husband and I decided to put me in charge of dealing with our students and parents because between the two of us, my communication skills are better. It also helps that I work in a communication orientated industry like Journalism. Communication skills are also important when you are trying to sell your product to a potential client or customer.

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READ MORE ABOUT YOUR INDUSTRY

I can’t emphasize this enough. Knowing what is happening in your particular industry and staying up to date with events and announcements will always be important and will help for conversational topics when you’re networking. It’s important to stay up to date with the latest news in your industry so that your business doesn’t fall behind and out of touch.

As we continue on this journey of running and owning a business, a music school to be more specific, I’m certain that we will continue to learn and grow. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll write a book.

man in gray shirt looking at city buildings

CORRECTION IS HUMBLING

I wasn’t ready to lose my mother when she died in 2020. I was 28 years old; still figuring things out, finding my feet, unbeknownst to her; hiding and finding comfort in her bosom. Even at the age of 28-years old, I was very much a child. Today at 30, in many respects, I still am.

God knew I was not ready to lose my mother. He knew and still knows that I needed correction, discipline, and sometimes those things only come through tragedy. God had other plans. He thrust me into this place where I find myself today, being shaped and molded and, at times, scolded by other strong women.

I’ve realised I took advantage of the role my mother had in my life. I fought her a lot; especially as I grew older. I was hardly ever willing to learn from her because as we know, young children and young adults ‘know everything’. A wall was built between us which, until the day she died, could not be penetrated. I think I will always live with that regret.

So here I am now; finding myself in a place where I am being humbled through correction. Internally and externally. It’s a convicting feeling.

It’s painful to be honest. It forces you to break out of the mould you created for yourself with all the things you thought you knew. It brings you face-to-face with yourself and that is not necessarily a comfortable experience. In fact, it can be downright excruciating and frustrating. At times you find yourself biting your lip and digging in your nails, just so that you don’t scream out in agony.

No one wants to be told when they’re doing something wrong but we don’t always see that correction, if done right, is almost always done in love.

Help and correction won’t always come freely though. The hard part comes when you have to ask for it. When you have to admit that you need help, that’s when the walls really start to come down.

I have been battling with my season of correction; it’s been extremely frustrating at times. Other days, I take it on the chin, I humble myself and say thank you, I needed that. Other days, I roll my eyes and think to myself, ‘I already knew that’

Not only have I been receiving correction from people around me, God has also been working in me and with me. Reminding me when to hold my tongue, helping me to keep a lid on my complaints, opening my eyes to see people the way He sees them, teaching me to be patient, helping me understand that my journey is not that of my husband’s or my colleagues or anyone in my inner circle.

When I think about correction or being shown the error of your ways, I think of it in terms of when you know better, you do better. You change when you are corrected, you can decide to become better or refuse the change and stay the same. Its all about your attitude when you are in the process of receiving correction; you can stand back and roll your eyes and stay in your ‘I know this already’ mindset or you can pay attention, take notes and humble yourself to those who are trying to show you a better way or different way.

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT CORRECTION

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Here are a few verses from the Bible that speak on correction. There are many more but these are the ones that stood out for me.

Hebrews 12:11

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 12: 1

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 15:32

Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.

Proverbs 8:33

Hear instruction and be wise, and do not neglect it.

Hebrews 12:10-11

For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

You might not see it now but when you look back in a couple of months or years; you’ll notice that you have better habits, you do things in a different way than before. You do better because you know better. It’s hard to see the finish line when you’re still in the early stages of the race but you need to know, the finish line is there.

That’s where I find myself now in life; being corrected, almost on a daily basis and its hard but I know sooner or later I will appreciate the correction. I will appreciate the molding and shaping because it has made me a better person.

I started this post of by speaking about my mother. Reason being that I wish I had been more open to my mother’s correction. I wish I had listened to her more, asked her more questions because now I realise I need her more than I ever thought I would. Now that I’m in this place of becoming, I need my mother and I need her to reassure me or guide me when I make a decision. I need her to make me laugh when I’m feeling frustrated or show me her feisty and fierce character when I feel uncertain. I needed her then and I need her now.

WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE DOING THE CORRECTING

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Sometimes you will find yourself doing the correcting and I’d like you to think about the following when you’re in that position:

  1. Correction come with patience just as learning comes with patience.
  2. Correcting someone can’t be done with aggression. Not everyone responds well to being spoken down to; in fact I don’t think anyone does.
  3. Correction can’t be done with arrogance; you as the person trying to teach another are also still learning in the process.

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THESE HARD DAYS WON’T LAST

These hard, tiring and busy days won’t last.

Some day you will look back and know that all the hard work and time spent was worth it.

You won’t always feel tired.

You won’t always have questions because you’ll understand that the answers don’t really matter.

The time you thought you lost will be caught up in memories and nostalgic laughter.

You will look back and know that you were never alone; not in your darkest valley or even atop your highest and brightest peaks.

Your sighs will turn into songs, your sorrows into shouts of joy.

Your frustrations will turn into feelings of freedom and your exhaustion will disappear behind the excitement.

It will all be worth it.

You might not see it now but you will.

The tides are turning and the winds are changing.

30 things before 30

30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE 30

This month I celebrate my 30th birthday. The last 30 years seem to have gone by in a blur but there were some hard and necessary lessons learned. As I enter my 30s, allow me to share 30 things (out of the thousands) I’ve learned before turning 30-years-old. My 20’s were for learning. My 30s will be for putting what I’ve learned into practice.

1.Everything is a blessing from God if you choose to see it that way and if you can’t see it as a blessing, see it as a lesson.

Isaiah 43:1-3 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

2. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and frustration if you choose not to focus on what others think of you.

3. Time with family is more precious than money.

4. Its not just okay to live as your authentic self, its absolutely necessary.

5. Gratitude opens up the door to opportunities.

6. Comparison is just another form of ignorance.

7. Grief never goes away. You simply learn to live with it.

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

8. Patience, persistence, preparation and prayer, these things will get through hard times.

9. Rest when you need to. You are no good to anyone when you are operating on fumes.

10. Inspiration is not something to be found. It’s something to be created.

11. To get through anything, you’ll need patience. You’ll find yourself waiting a lot. Waiting in queues, waiting for transport, waiting on people, waiting for signs and miracles. Work while you wait. (I wrote this part while waiting in a queue at a clothing store)

12. Always have a book with you. Whether its a reading book or a note book. You’ll either read something worth remembering or write something worth sharing.

cup with plate and book with notebook on table
Photo by Samson Katt on Pexels.com

13. No one will and no one should believe in your art more than you.

14. Prayer will guide you and conviction will save you.

15. You need to have honest conversations with yourself about who you are and who you want to be. You need to dig deep into your heart and that will hurt sometimes because you won’t always like what you find.

16. Marriage and love are beautiful thing things. Despite the fact that many people will make you think love is painful or marriage is pointless, once you find it and experience it at its purest essence, you’ll understand the beauty of it.

marriage, sacrifice, love
My husband and I on our wedding day.

17. You children will never do what you say. They will do what you do. Make sure you do the right thing.

18. The world is full of bad things but there are even more beautiful things to be discovered.

19. Set goals for yourself, have a plan. Do not go through life rudderless.

20. Take care of your finances. Be smart about your savings and where and how you spend your money.

21. Mind your business but make it your business to care for others.

22. Read and study your bible. You’ll find all the answers you need.

23. It’s okay to ask for help. It does not mean you are weak.

24. Your mind can become a battlefield, you need to protect it at all costs.

photo of man sitting on a cave
Photo by M Venter on Pexels.com

25. Be grateful for the hard times. Grapes are pressed and crushed to create wine.

26. Change is scary but sometimes it takes a big change to move you into action.

27. Being kind doesn’t have to be a production. Sometimes its a sincere word, a hug or just a smile.

28. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people simply want to get to know you and love you. It’s okay to trust people.

29. Don’t make social media your life. Make time to live in the real world.

30. Love sincerely and wholeheartedly and never regret giving someone your heart, even when they break it.

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been” – David Bowie

composing, woman, fantasy

THE STRENGTH OF A WOMAN

MEETING THE MATRIARCH

This past December, my family and I took a road trip to East London in the Eastern Cape. I met my husband’s grandmother, and now my grandmother.

In the ten days I lived in her home, I saw and experienced raw strength.

She is the matriarch and a true one at that. Mama is my husband’s 81-year-old paternal grandmother. She is also as fierce and feisty as they come. For you to understand my admiration for Mama, you need to understand a bit of her life and her history.

Mama, as she is so affectionately known, lost both her husband and only daughter of five children, who was also the youngest sibling, within the space of 6 months more than 15 years ago. She ended up having to take care of her late daughter’s son, who was two years old at the time. He is now a well raised young man.

Through conversations I had with Mama during our stay at her home in Buffalo Flats, I was in awe of how she relayed stories of when her husband, Dada, died and then how she lost her daughter only six months later. When I listened to her speak, I could hear pain, sadness, loss but also acceptance. She made me realize that acceptance like that only comes from a very deep-rooted strength.

I also realized that she didn’t have a choice but to be strong. She took on the responsibility of raising her grandson like he was her own. I cannot fathom the sheer determination and willpower it had to take for her to get out of bed every morning and be there for her grandson, the rest of her children as well as other family members.

Mama, strength, children, great-grandchildren
The first day we arrived, Mama showed her new great-grandchildren some photos.

SHAPED BY EXPERIENCE

I watched her as she sat on her red lumpy but very comfortable sofa in her home, hunched over with all the experiences from her past trying to weigh her down but she gets up every day, determined to live her life and do her daily chores.

It was at one of these moments when it hit me; she wasn’t sitting on a couch but a throne.

Mama also very much reminded me of my mother who died in 2020. Both women have seen and have been through some of the worst pain you can imagine, both refusing to be dictated to by bad and negative circumstances and both set in their daily way of life.

During the time I spent with Mama, I learned that yes, we are shaped by our experiences but we can choose how to live out those experiences. We choose how to live, we choose whether we give up or go on. We choose to forgive.

Mama, strength
Mama, my husband and out two children.

ACCEPTANCE

There was a point where Mama said to me that she didn’t know if she could ever accept or get through what had happened to her but God had gotten her through it and she did manage to accept her fate.

She could have chosen to be angry and to turn away from God, which I’m sure there were many of those moments when those bad feelings overwhelmed her. She could have chosen to become a lifeless vessel of her former self but I can assure you, that woman still has a lot of life left in her.

Her relationship with God is so secure and I truly believe that that is her source of strength. Every morning she wakes up and reads devotionals and her Bible. I’ve decided to put that in practice as well.

LIVING WITH INTENTION

Every time Mama would tell a story and explain the difficult parts, she would say, “but it doesn’t really matter

For me, that didn’t mean she gave up or lost hope or didn’t accept things. For me it meant that in the bigger picture, the grand plan of God for her life, her focusing on the past was not the point. It was what she got out of all her pain and loss. The wisdom and understanding that her loss and pain was not for nothing. The way in which she imparted her wisdom and what she learned, to others around her. It was peace beyond all human understanding. It was knowing that love is sacrifice and that understanding comes from compassion.

Mama showed me that life demands of you to be intentional; intentional about your actions, your energy, your focus, your thoughts and emotions.

I learned patience and I saw accepting the things one cannot change, in action.

I loved sitting in her company, I loved watching the movie of her life play out as she told me stories and showed me old polaroid photographs.

In ten days, I lived a life of 40+ years through the eyes of a woman who lost everything, was forced down on her knees and found herself in the perfect position to pray for the strength and will to live to tell the tale.

hope, dandelion

MY HOPE FOR YOU

I hope you fall in love with yourself. I hope you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I hope you learn to appreciate all your flaws and find the beauty in every scar, wrinkle, and folded skin.

I hope you learn to love your voice. I hope that you use it to change your world.

I hope you learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and, I hope you let go of the burden of guilt.

I hope you find love in all the different relationships in your life. 

I hope you chase your dreams and get the chance to watch them come to life.

I hope you share your stories and adventures and inspire others to do the same.

I hope you learn to be gentle with yourself and remember that bad decisions do not define you.

I hope you find the strength to fight through the bad times and come out the other side a stronger person.

I hope you remember to pray.

I hope you remember how beautiful you are.

I hope you laugh more.

I hope you play more.

I hope you find more.

I hope you always look for stars in the darkest of nights 

and know that the sun will always rise in the morning.

I hope you start believing in love again.  

Just believe it again.

I hope you can look back on the last season in your life and find the good

And I hope that you will always be grateful that you have made it this far.

I hope you know that your story is far from over and that the next blank page is waiting for you to create the life that you want.

I hope you know that you have the power to change your life and I hope you remember to never give that power away.

I hope you know that you can push boundaries and break barriers.

I hope that you know that you are never alone.

I hope that you witness great things and climb majestic mountains.

I hope that you find the courage to reach deep within yourself and do what makes you happy.

I hope you walk away from anything that no longer serves you and, I hope you walk away with your head held high.

I hope that you smile again and laugh with all the joy in your spirit. 

I hope it’s so loud that the rest of the world can’t help but laugh with you.

.

girls, women, happy

I hope you remember that saying goodbye is not always a bad thing.
I hope you know that the pain doesn’t last.
I hope you know that love is plentiful.
I hope you dance in the rain and roll in the mud.
I hope you plant seeds instead of picking flowers.
I hope you remember that having a bit of fun is good for you.
I hope you hold warm hands and kiss soft lips.
I hope you get the chance to look into loving eyes and fall asleep in a warm embrace.
I hope you take care of yourself.

I hope you know that your story is worth telling.